Over on the Sex Advice forum Grumpybear has started a thread about who sucks cock better, men or women. My first thought was men, of course. Women have no incentive to give a good BJ and poor understanding of male sexual needs. Then I thought that despite the overall male superiority that I have received some really perfunctory, uninspired and just plain odd blow jobs from guys. So, this thread is for you to unload your bad blowjob stories and maybe inspire some of the laggard cocksuckers to improve their technique and delivery.

One of the oddest BJs I've endured was at the Saugatuck, Michigan private beach and dunes. Check out my paean to the place in the cruise listings to get a feel for the setting. It was on Memorial Day Monday this last May and the crowd was sparse, it being Monday and all. But there were a few guys still around willing to suck my big uncut dick.

After walking all the trails to make sure there wasn't anybody better cruising around I went back to the place where the most promising looking guy was lying on his beach towel. I stood over him and began stroking my cock and he quickly motioned for me to lie down beside him. I did so and he began to work on my dick. But 'work' is way too active a word to describe it. He basically put my dick in his mouth and made pig noises while drooling on me and jerking his cock. In about 2 minutes he came, got up and said he had to leave.

No big deal in the grand scheme of things, however. I washed myself off and quickly found Option #2 who spent at least an hour sucking my cock and balls and deepthroating me in the most dedicated and loving manner until I couldn't stand it any longer and unloaded deep into his throat.

Then on the way out in the couples area I saw a woman sucking her husband's/boyfriend's cock. She was moaning and putting on a good show but didn't seem to have a vested interest in getting him off. I would definitely prefer her over #1 but not over #2.

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Most of us just want to forget them so perhaps we have trouble recalling them? Easily the worst I ever got was from a guy who insisted on covering my dick with a condom. Beyond boring.

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I guess not every willing dude out there is really a good cocksucker. If you have been around for a while, you must have stumbled upon a few of those guys who sometimes lack the technique, enthusiasm, stamina, and at times all of the above

Frankly, I do not dwell upon the unsatisfactory ones. First off, I do try to tell him clearly and unmistakably what I want, and what ain't really going right.

If it does not help (and usually, it does NOT), I nod, and move on. There is a ton of guys out there, ready, willing and perfectly capable. Why waste anyone's time?

Last but not least, we all are DIFFERENT. We all have very different sets of standards. A guy whom I find stellar may be too pushy for someone else... Besides, it is the really 'bad' ones who make us appreciate the work of the 'good' ones, ain't it?

KD

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I agree with KD on not wanting to waste time with those of lack what is needed to have a good time. I also will not waste time on those who insist on a condom for sucking (anal & condoms is a non negotiable). I want the smell & taste of the man.
BJ

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"Nothing bad to say about small to average sized men, it's just that I melt when i'm sucking a big fat cock. Anyone can adequately service a smaller cock. Deep throating a nice fat one (9inches +) puts a cocksucker's skills to the test.
Just a preference!" Chad (http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/cockparadise/)

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Oh, boy. It is never a good thing when a thread goes meta and by that metric this one is failing. Let's see if we can repurpose it. See in the top post where I wrote

...unload your bad blowjob stories and maybe inspire some of the laggard cocksuckers...

Screw that, just tell a funny BJ story. Here's one:

The first time I had sex (it was with a girl), we were wrestling around naked and she moved her head down near my cock, pursed her lips and ... blew on it! Haha, she thought that was how you gave a blow job!

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I really am laughing out loud.

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LOL

OK, let's say that she was uneducated and awfully misinformed. But hey, she tried all she knew at that time. You want to cut her some slack for being willing to try.

Years ago, I hooked up with a young preppie dude. He wanted to 'get fucked'. When I started lubing his hole, he looked back in awe, and asked? "Is that it? I thought you were going to stick your dick in my hole?"

I did not crack up, and I did stick my dick up his hole. However, those were the pre-web times. Most guys never had a chance to see a porn, and all the technicalities they knew came mostly from the rude jokes and proverbial stories of the 'older guys'. A far cry from a young guy 20 year old, who contacted me on the web asking, if I minded his diaper fetish...

KD

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