Magnificent ?? Obsession
 

Obviously those amongst us who visit Thailand for relatively short amounts of time, maybe once a year or even less often, do devote a considerable amount of their time here to the bars, massage venues, saunas, etc. Once you’ve returned home it’s enjoyable to relive some of your experiences by composing reports of where you went and what you experienced and sharing them with everyone.

On the other hand, for those of us who are permanently resident here, I wonder how much of one’s’ time is spent going to gogo bars, getting massages, standing at mall urinals, crawling through the bushes at Lumpini and otherwise filling the hours with activities that are to some degree sex-related … and then feverishly reporting it.

I sometimes think I spend too much time in these pursuits, but basically I hit Bangkok for a day about once a month and occasionally visit a bar to off a boy in Pattaya or get a massage. The latter seems to run in cycles. I may do several bars in one week ( or at least call several boys in one week for a home visit) and then go a month or even several months without bothering. One factor for me is that I do have a long-term friend who stays with me for a week or two at a time, but we never go to gogo bars or such. I’m fairly certain he would think I had gone round the bend if I ever suggested it.

There seem to be a few people here who apparently do little else other than visit every possible gogo bar, cruising spot or massage venue in Bangkok, Pattaya and lesser locales and dutifully report every possible detail including latitude and longitude. I’m sure we all appreciate the effort made and I like to run through the bar & massage reports before my monthly trip to the Big Mango, but do any of you ever feel it’s taking up a disproportionate amount of your lives?

Those of you who live here full-time, how much of your life is given over to the bars etc? Are you comfortable with that or could your life be becoming a little too narrowly focused?

I've lived and worked here well over 20 years:

- First 3 years, went out to the saunas (mostly Babylon in it's first location) two or three nights a week, and go-go venues at least twice a week.

- Today: Go to saunas perhaps twice a year, go-go bars once a month, massage about once a month.

- Occassionally I have old friends visit who of course want to hit the bars every night, I go with them and enjoy their company but often I'm bored with the repetition of the shows etc.

- I've also found a very happy 'family' life and that's much more important to me.

- Also become part of a small network of farang long-term residents with Thai partners, we share lots of good discussion (not about barboys), enjoy funny moments together, cook together, and support each other emotionally etc.

Dear Kaojai

Well stated. Personally, I’ve thought of writing a similar message recently, but you’ve done a fine job in my view. My comments below are a little more critical.

I’ve lived in BKK for many years. There are so many wonderful things in BKK apart from chasing boys 1/3 your age, and then boasting about the exploit. I find it incredible to imagine the incredible waste of time some spend on their pursuits, and the degree of reporting every unnecessary detail, is downright pathetic.

Is it really necessary to have to take a bus to the far reaches of BKK to explore a new toilet, and then to report on the urinal number, on what floor, in which building, and at what time, someone saw someone else take a piss? I guess some people do not have more meaningful ways to spend their time on this Earth. I think this forum has become an excuse for sad and lonely men to try stroke their egos.

I’m sure there’ll be a lot of attacks and some pathetic attempts to justify their actions, blah, blah, blah, but face it, a lot of what I’ve read here is pretty disturbing behavior.

You're right. I've found myself sitting next to a glory hole for an hour or more, hoping for someone to feed me his cock and load. Many times nothing happened. When it does, it's very exciting. It's a rush, and that's (part of) the reason many of us go to toilets, parks, theaters & elsewhere to make random, anonymous hook-ups.

As for the reporting such ventures, it's partly 'reporting'. But mostly I'd say it's ego, at least for me. There is a certain enjoyment about people saying "Man! I wish that was me!" I used to be one of those people fantasizing. Now I'm one who's living that dream.

But part of it is to pass along information. That's part of what this site is about, cruising and community.

My experience parallels scoops. For bars, though, it is much, much less than once a month. Maybe once every six months. Saunas, maybe once per month. Cruising, every now or then.

It is mostly a steady group of fuck buddies (non-commercial) that satisfies my urges these days.

And so?
 

For the moment, two sets of questions:

1. If what one reads is so pathetic, disturbing, and unnecessary, why read it? Is appreciating the reports but criticizing the reporter akin to offing a "boy" but telling him sex is a sin? Or getting a haircut but telling the barber his job is beneath contempt? Or getting your c*c* s*c*ed (as the inimitable Sextile might put it), then fag-bashing the fellator?

2. Why bother telling a churl that you're not doing what she's churlish about? Is it like telling a racist, "I'm really not like that"?

Cupidman's take is a good one. And, as icon513 noted recently, "The quantity and detail of information posted here is just a speck compared to what appears on Thai boards like Palm Plaza and TMM." Those Thais must be horridly, horridly obsessed.

Dear stillthrobbing – Your response is exactly what I would have expected from some members on this board. Very predictable and catty. Peace, out.

Kaojai, isn't this the CRUISINGFORSEX board? Show some respect! I myself am quite settled down, maybe a massage every six weeks or so and the occasional situation arises (a few times a year) where cruising sex just happens out of coincidence. For the most part I enjoy a very stable home environment and good social relationship with my partner and friends. I still like to read CFS because it is fun and sexy and once in a while I get a good tip. There is no reason for you and your followers to belittle those on the board giving cruising information. They are obviously in the right place. You, on the other hand, may need to be looking for a new BB. If the idea of cruising upsets you so much, then maybe you can go join the Martha Stewart Knitting Club or something.

Unless obsessed,cruising is harmless and enjoyable but ultimately time-wasting.This site caters for this "hobby" which many need to get out of their system.Psychological reasons are probably endless but loneliness and a need for intimacy would be among the leading ones,not forgetting horny sexual energy.

You will get jaded and adjust your exposure but the need for an outlet like this is worthwhile.It is top heavy with one contributor though.He's eveywhere !

Cruising for sex brings to mind the Bette Midler tune "My favourite waste of time".

Love the quote. It made my day.

Thanks,
Keith

Hello... This website is cruisingforsex.com... LOL

If you fail to appreciate the community spirit by which men are motivated to share their info about hot guys, hot massage venues and, yes, a hot toilet stall on the out reaches of town, why then do you come here? That is a bit like me going to CNN.com and complaining all they do is write about the news.

Keith

And thank you to sextile and others for your detailed reports, your efforts are greatly appreciated.

Didn't mean it to be particularly critical of others anymore than myself. It doesn't "bother me so much" as someone stated, but I don't think there's anything wrong in occasionally putting what you do in a broader perspective.

Yes, I realize this board is entitled "cruisuing for sex," and I have no problem with the pursuit of sex for enjoyment. I have a long term, younger (than me) Thai friend who I love/like on many, many levels, some of which obviously relate to his sexual appeal.

I raised the question here because it is the cruising for sex board. There would be little point in doing so on the Martha Stewart knitting circle website, assuming such a thing exists.

For those of us living in Thailand, camping out in the ultimate candy shop, so to speak, maybe we could occasionally ask ourselves if we are becoming obsessed with something that is beautiful in moderation, but a little gross if carried on to excess. There are clearly some people here who could not have much time left in their lives for anything else, based on their compulsive, daily postings.

I like dark chocolate, some Chilean cabernets and Chinese blue & white porcelain, among other things. I know that I have to use some restraint regarding each. Of course, in the end, it's totally up to you.

Obviously StillThrobbing has issues that only he can deal with and if he wants to cater to them ... at least in his imagination from outside Thailand ... there's no reason why he shouldn't.

Issues?
 

"Obviously," my main issue at the moment is haughty, censorious busybodies.

Being expats doesn't excuse them.

I'd prefer compulsive, daily posters any day.

Well it is for those of us who post detailed accounts of our CFS's...

It sounds as thought you do if it involves anything outside of the homo "Christian Missionary Possy"!

A more or less direct quote from the Bishop of Whatsit or Cardinal Dicksucker.

I think you should stay away if you don't like our deliberate, detailed nay scientific postings on the issue closest to our hearts (read = dicks) covering issues of cruising for sex on crusingforsex.com. They would probably be more relevant to the Martha Stewart knitting circle website. Bye

I'm hoping the details might also include the threadcount on the sheets on the massage table, plus of course the brand name on the sheets, this is definitely a decision maker for me.

And perhaps the exact specific volume of cum from the massage boy, plus an analysis of the salt level and the protein level.

Or perhaps a decible reading on the moan on the second ******.

Or perhaps a count of the number of times the massage boy said "I love you".

Ahhh takes me back.. You of course mean 'I lurve you'. I remember meeting this fabulous fellow in Pattaya who within 20 seconds of meeting me told me ..."I lurve You'.. Of course I believed him and as proof you only had to feel his dick which was like steel! Not sure if there is a scientific 'hardness' scale but from that day to this, amongst my friends, his name (lets call him LEK) is now used as a 'hardness index' ... ie a bit on the soft side = 0.5Lek or better still a ripping great throbber = 1.2Lek etc.

Now back to more compulsive sexually oriented disturbing posts... Wait a minute its your turn!

Got to agree, a hardness test must be included.

Perhaps we could all add some tests or criteria in an endeavour to build a specific ISO standard.

But can I suggest we use Grenwich mean time as an anchor point?

Your observations are fairly accurate Kaojai. Speaking for myself I have spent far too much of my time with this so called "magnificent obsession".

The returns have been good on the time invested but at the detriment of other interests.

Maybe I can spend more time following other pursuits when I live in the "candy shop", maybe not :D

Kaojai's posting was worthwhile and the lattitude/longitude part witty.I have often thought the same but adopted a live and let live approach.It's not as if he said "stop it or you'll go blind".

A measured, informative cruiser and lifestyle blog is Scoops.It guides without being breathless.But I read the other styles too.Just different strokes.

Was it the moderator who cautioned once not to move to Thailand just for sex ?

Nice point about sex being the reason to move to Thailand. I believe there is another angle, some guys believe they have discovered utopia, and they quickly move to live in what see see as paradise, or perhaps gay pradise!

In fact I have two gay friends who (although they would not admit it at the time) did just that:

- The first guy quickly gave up a high paying satifying career after he first experienced the 'candy shop', sold everything to be with 'his sweetheart' who was in fact a married straight young man with small children and the young man was totally honest about this from day one, and not interested in having any form of 'relationship' with the farang. After 12 months the farang became very depressive, quickly spent all of his savings, pension pay out funds etc., then went home broke and totally disillusioned.

- Second guy spent about 5 years years learning Thai and became quite fluent, both speaking and writing, and was convinced that his Thai language skills would mean that he would instantly crack a high paid senior executive job in a Thai company. Trouble was that he had no other skills or real experience and no executive experience. After about 2 years of going nowhere he got angry with Thais and Thailand and got himself into several nasty confrontations with supermarket staff, bus ticket collectors, people who didn't hold the door open for him, government officials (e.g. Immigration officers), and more. Eventually his close friends became very concerned that he was going to get into serious trouble and they gave him an ultimatum: buy a ticket and leave within 14 days or we will buy a ticket and take you to the airport. He bought the ticket and took himself home.

obsessed
 

Like others, I hardly think that the pursuit of sex is disturbing or a waste of time. The reply above sounds like the ramblings of someone who "found" religion and is ashamed of their "evil" desires.

Obviously, some members here spend more time going to bars and saunas and theatres and massage places than others, but then again I'm sure I listen to music and eat more guava than most people too. We're all different and that's just part of life's rich pagaent.

I've been living in Bangkok for almost 12 years and find myself going out to bars less and less. That initial "wow" factor has lost its charm, but every once in a while (once a month; sometimes more often, sometimes much less) I'll go out and see what's on offer. The saunas never hooked me and I still haven't warmed up to the massage places. I use to frequent the old London Theatre a bit (it's not far from where I live) and spent a few unproductive afternoons at one dark den in Saphan Khwai, but the theatres never did much for me either.

Basically, I'm looking for both good sex and companionship. I crave affection more than anything. I've found several guys over the years who have become repeat visitors to my place, three of whom I consider to be good friends. Had one guy over last night that I've known for 10 years. Every year who celebrate his birthday together. I like doing that. I'm realistic enough to realize that the money I give these guys plays a BIG part in their returning to my place again and again, but I also feel like we've become friends of sorts. It's not just the sex that bonds us. We'll go out together to eat at restaurants, go bowling, see a band play at a bar, see a movie. Just normal stuff.

I won't lie; the availability of attractive younger guys was a big motivation for me moving here, but I also fell in love with other things about Thailand; the culture, the food, the people, and the laid back atmosphere. I shudder to think at the thought of living back in the USA again. No way. Thailand is my home now and I truly feel comfortable here.

Hearty agreement here. Don't forget the tropical climate if you are a heat freak like me!

In your rush to foam at the mouth and name call, you seem to have taken ownership of the website

Over the years I've probably posted more detailed (and probably more interesting) accounts of my experiences here and elsewhere under various posting identities ...( a couple of examples posted in the next message.) I'll have to look for some of your detailed and fascinating reports.

My point was that there are times when something that is good in moderation can escalate to an obsession. You may find it impossible to take an objective look at yourself, but I do from time to time. Just as someone who spends all his time downloading porn or gambling or boozing needs to assess if he is losing control to the point where one pursuit is becoming a 24/7 undertaking to the exclusion of all else, so too might it be a good idea for all of us to decide if we are spending too much in gogo bars and massage venues.

I've lived here for over ten years and I enjoy the gogo bars and to a lesser extent the massage places and I enjoy having a younger Thai friend who lives with me much of the time ... but when an enjoyable aspect of one's life becomes a compulsive obsession you need to decide if it's become more of an addiction than just an important form of enjoyment.

If you find those thoughts send you bouncing off the walls in furious denial, that might indicate something.

A detailed report that I wrote after one of my monthly trips to Bangkok.

And here is part of a response I wrote to someone on the matter of finding the right guy and repeatedly offing him to improve the experience with the benefits of familiarity.

And part of what I wrote after a recent visit to Senso:



I know this sort of thing doesn't compare to the thrill of longitude & lattitude or bus routes or endless repetition about big cock parades on Soi Twilight bars ... but I don't think it makes me a religious fanatic either.

Rather than having a spontaneous hysterectomy because someone suggests that "more can be less," maybe a thoughtful reasoned response ... or none at all ... would have been more appropriate.

Which was largely my point. There's a lot on offer in Thailand and in our individual lives regardless of where we are living, in addition to the eye candy that is so readily available.

I too was overwhelmed when I first came here on holiday and discovered gogo bars and "a special boy."

I bought a condo here, spent as much as 3 or 4 months a year here and eventually settled here more or less permanently.

My life has revolved largely around 3 guys who I've had as long term friends in succession, a small groups of guys who I see fairly frequently, but just as very short-term encounters and the occasional foray into the bars in Bangkok or Pattaya.

I am sure most of us keep all of this in perspective and the "wow factor" has faded over the years, but there are times (maybe it's the phases of the moon ??) when I seem to be driven to hit the bars and massage places looking for something ... probably as you mention, affection and a personal, intimate interaction ... and wonder if I am overlooking what I already have ... a really wonderful longterm relationship and several other guys whose occasional "companionship" is always fun.

It's unfortunate that some people view my comments as a threat to their way of life. We probably have more in common than they realize. Just as we offer advice on the bars and massage venues, maybe we can sometimes help one another to avoid being carried away by it all.

My one and only visit to Bangkok brought about a very interesting interaction with the bellman. After placing my bags, rather than the usual thing about getting ice, etc, he inquired if I was into boys or girls and said he could help me find either. This was not some whore house. I believe it was the Shangri-La. I certainly came to realize the Thai operate with a different attitude about sexuality. I can see where it would be intoxicating to a foreigner. In the end, though, the extreme heat of the climate and the pollution and noise of the city kept me out for more than a few days. Which reminds me: another visit is long overdue!

I would have thought any sort of community spirit would imply a concern for members of the community.

I was simply observing that a few people seem to spend an inordinate amount of their time in the bars, massage venues and public toilets and have become obsessed with details.

I enjoy reading reports on the bars, etc from a wide spectrum of people with differing points of views whenever I plan my increasingly rare visits to Bangkok since it helps me to plan my day or two there.

Nothing that goes on in those places offends me nor do the adventures of those who report. I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with those pursuits ... and it would be the height of hypocrisy for me to take that view.

Some expats who live here spend increasing amounts of time in bars drinking. Their descent into alcoholism (and usually depression) is sad to see. Of course what they do is none of my business, but if it were someone I had some interaction with I might still suggest they look for other things to do at least some of the time. Yes, that would make me a busy-body, but how could you claim a sense of community if you simply let them drink themselves into oblivion?

Likewise, some people who have lived here for an extended period of time seem to have no other activity other than pursuing sex in commercial venues. Even reading their endless reports you find them complaining about the shows and the boys and the smoking and, and, and. Even they admit it’s no longer enjoyable.

It's still none of my business, but the thought first arose because at times I think I spend too much time obsessing about such things and I see that, or worse, in others. Maybe from time to time we need to ask ourselves if we're letting something that was once an enjoyable part of our lives become an unsatisfying addiction.

We might joke about the thread count on the sheets in a hotel, but …

One massage venue recently added an alleged indication on their website as to whether or not individual boys were available or busy. Someone apparently spent hours tracking the system and wrote a feverish report exposing the inaccuracy of the information. It's sex folks. It's meant to be enjoyed and savoured. If you've developed a code for how much hair boys have on their legs or how wide their shoulders are compared to their hips ... you're officially around the bend.




Body hair codes « Shamelessmack in Thailand and around

Someone really should throw some cold water on you … in a fit of virtuous community spirit.


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A lot of people get commissions for referring sex workers. Taxi drivers do this, too.

Hair code.It is only FETISH.

Hee hee...luckily I didn't mention my cock-shape codes.

I'm loving you Scoops! Maybe you need a late night comedy routine.

I don't think we need to ridicule another person's fetishes. I'm sure we all have our own share of "odd" likes and dislikes. And I think it's valid to question to time we put into our searches for "love in all the wrong places" and other dens of sin. But it's up to each one of us to evaluate our own life and try to find the balance between fantasy, reality and trying to be a good person. Meanwhile, I hope that guy I like calls me up tonight ...