First: OK, a misunderstanding then, regarding the unrelated issue. Over and done and forgotten.

Yeah, the OraGel sure didn't do anything for me, either. I get really bored with masturbating, which is one reason why I don't do it often. But I was in the mood to really get into it, and it seemed like it might be fun to experiment a bit. I've used numbing creams purchased in adult book stores many, many years ago, and while they did produce some loss of sensation, it wasn't much. OraGel wasn't all that different.

A complete guess -- perhaps OraGel is better suited to work on mucous membranes such as gum tissue. Maybe the condoms and creams work better with skin. I don't know. I bought the stuff because I had a cut on the roof of my mouth (pizza crust) -- it worked well enough on that, yet it felt about only 1/4 as strong on my dick.

Now, anything else I can tell you will obviously be based on my own experience and what works for me, with the exception of a few bits of standard advice that is commonly passed along to guys who cum too fast. So you may or may not have luck with all of this, but it's at least worth a try, and possibly you can take things I say and adapt them in ways best suited to your own dick.

You already have complete control when masturbating, and that's a very good thing. It's usually the first step in working toward longer sex with a partner. What you need to do is pay close attention to your trigger points when jerking off. What, exactly, makes you reach the point of no return? How often can you get to that point and STOP without giving in? Some guys can jerk off for a long, long time, but they never let themselves get REALLY close. I don't know what YOU are doing. Some dudes stop LONG before and just get a bit soft, then start again. For me, training my dick involved getting RIGHT THERE and then immediately taking my hands off. If you can do this, fantastic. If not, work on it. Eventually, you will see that you can get closer and closer, bit by bit, before you HAVE to let go. Sometimes, when practicing this, it is our natural reaction to keep our muscles tightened and push our dicks. You know what I mean. It's quite possible to let a load fly this way, even without continued stroking. So for me, it was important to also teach myself to relax at this point, NOT force more blood into my dick, NOT get harder. We've all probably slipped out a load of cum when trying not to, with no stimulation at all.

Lots of guys tend to jerk off in the way that provides the most pleasure. Naturally. We get used to how WE do it. Try also jerking off in other ways. Using the other hand. Change how you touch your dick in general. If you use a closed fist, try a few fingers instead, or vice versa. What you normally do, do something different. Allow new sensations. This is a good way to approximate what a partner may or may not do. You never can tell what someone will do when he's blowing you, so the more you get used to having the control when faced with different techniques, the easier it will be in real life. Here's something I've done a few times, that is kind of fun... If watching a porno film, I'll lube up my dick and go to a scene where a guy is giving a lengthy, detailed blowjob to another guy. I try to copy what he does on the screen with his mouth to what I am doing to my dick with my hand. Try it. It is NOT easy. The temptation to nail your dick in just the way you would normally do it is very high. Of course it's not possible to exactly copy everything a guy can do with his mouth using your hand -- if it were so, we wouldn't long for blowjobs like we do! But you can still play a good game of "follow the leader" and see how your dick reacts to sensations that you wouldn't normally give it directly on your own.

Once you are comfortable with your own control, and once you are very familiar with your point of no return, you can start adapting some of this stuff to real situations with a partner.

And that's the tricky part. You have to communicate things to your partner -- some guys just don't that. Maybe some are too shy, some are embarrassed, some simply have never talked during sex. Whatever. Your dick will give plenty of indication to the guy sucking you, but you can't always count on this. Not all dicks are as responsive as others, and not all guys pick up on this as well as some.

I generally meet up with guys and tell them beforehand that I'm only interested in a half-hour minimum. I'll take much more if they can give it, but half an hour is usually the fastest I can cum, but there's some exceptions to that rule.

There's a guy I meet at a local cruising spot, and he is the ONLY dude I've met in the last three years who can make me cum in five or ten minutes. The longest I've gotten out of him is twenty minutes. The first few times we met, I didn't say anything, I just let him drain me fast. The very first time he did this, I was actually embarrassed, shooting off in maybe three minutes. This was NOT like me at all. I apologized to the guy, but he didn't seem to mind. Now, however, I am more comfortable with him so I tell him "EASY, man." And he responds. Yet he's got this amazing tongue, and even when I tell him to cool it, it's not enough. So I simply take a step back and remove my dick from his mouth for a second or two, which is usually enough time for me to get back the control I want. He seems to like this, and doesn't consider it a tease (in a bad way), so...

So I tell guys what I want when they are blowing me, but for me, I'm usually telling them how to make it more and more intense. If I'm too close too soon, however, I will tell them how to tone it down. There's no reason anyone out there can't do the same.

There's lots of ways to make me cum, but probably four or five techniques that I like best and will work just about every single time. If a guy hits on one of these methods early on, I will tell him: "That's really hot. You can easily make me cum that way, but I don't want to cum now. I'd love it if you make me cum just like that later." So now the guy knows what one of my triggers will be, and he can use that information to tease me a bit, get me close, then stop on his own. He knows that too much will make me shoot, but a little bit will be hot as hell.

I can't "take a step back" to remove my dick from a guy's mouth if I'm sitting down at home getting blown, but I can certainly still manage to move away enough. If that doesn't work, or if I've got some good communication going, I'll just tell him to hold off a minute. I always like to ask a guy to let my dick out of his mouth for a few seconds from time to time. This makes me even hotter, but those couple seconds also let me get back control. Most guys seem to pick up on all this just fine and will do it even if I don't ask, which is great.

You might also try letting a guy suck you but holding the base of your dick now and then. Not enough to really get in his way, but enough to allow you to feel that you're in control of yourself. Sometimes just having your own hand contact your dick is good for that. You don't have to do it the entire time, but a few squeezes can be helpful.

If you find a willing partner, you can ask if he wants to try sucking you with a condom, at least maybe for just the first few minutes if this is not a mutually agreeable thing. Starting out with less sensation might help you build up control later. Or the other way around -- start without, then put one on later on, for a little bit, to kind of numb yourself for a few minutes. Not my favorite choice, and nothing I've done myself, but it might be worth a try.

The single best thing is to find a partner who will let you communicate with him. In my experience, most expert cocksuckers are MORE than willing to hear what I want -- they get off knowing they are pleasing the other guy. But at the same time, communicating with a partner is often the hardest thing for someone to do if they aren't used to it. It's a little sexual barrier we need to overcome. Not always necessary for a "wham bam, thank you, man" situation, but if you want some lasting sex... it's essential.

Now, I should be honest here... even though I have excellent control of my dick, and pride myself on USUALLY being able to cum at will, I'm sure no Superman. Some guys blow me away and can get me REALLY close, REALLY fast. Generally speaking, this usually happens in the first twenty minutes. A guy can get me close a few times early on with relative ease. So I'll make sure he knows this about me. After those first twenty minutes, however -- I'm usually good to rock and roll for hours, if the guy can handle it. I just need to get my sea-legs, so to speak.

I find that it ends up being a kind of mutually shared control at this point. The guy can tease the hell out of my dick and get me really close many times, and he knows by what I say and what sounds I make, as well as how my dick reacts, how best to handle me. A little give and take. I'll let him know he can build it up, but he also knows when to tone it down. When a guy finds a technique that gets me REALLY close, I still tell him, and then when he holds me back just right, I also tell him. "Perfect," I'll say. Or if he's taken his mouth off me and isn't sure when it is safe to go back down on my dick, I just say: "You're good, go for it." Works for me!

If I were you, I'd see if I could arrange some sessions with guys who are willing to experiment with helping you hold back. Most guys ask me how quickly I cum. For the men who want to suck dick for ten minutes, usually my answer doesn't work for them. But for guys who want hours, they are happy to know I can last. So you may as well take advantage of all the guys out there who DO want a quicker session. Tell them that it doesn't have to last forever, but let them know that you sometimes cum quickly. Ask if they'd be willing to let you tell them how to hold you off. I'll bet most would love to try that. In a cruising situation... well, you are often stuck with whatever you get, and while you can still communicate your needs, it's not always going to be perfect, so just have fun with it regardless.

When a guy wants me to cum, or when I feel that I have to cum soon, it's not so much that I can magically just let myself shoot a load. It's more that I just ALLOW myself to give up control. I like to turn it all over to him. This is a huge turn on for me, and for most of the guys, too. I often tell the dude: "It's all you, now. Go ahead and get my cum from me." Then I just sit back and let them do their thing. Fucking HOT. Most guys tell me they enjoy being able to be in charge, at least at the end. They get off making another man cum -- and hell, they really deserve it after all the hard work they've put into it.

TALK to whoever you're with. Say whatever you can and be comfortable doing it. I personally started out saying very little, but I was always one to make a lot of noise. I don't find it necessary to be bossy or nasty, and I don't like that anyway. I just let a guy know how great he's making me feel, and I've found that most men who love to suck cock love it because they WANT to please. May as well tell them!

Learn your trigger points when masturbating, translate that over into sex. Do different things, and do whatever you can to keep control over your own dick. It won't happen overnight, and it won't be really easy. But so what? It's still feels good and it's still going to be fun to practice, alone or with someone else. Give it time, and by all means do what works for YOU. What works for me may or may not help you, but I can't feel what your dick feels, so the best I can do is tell you how I keep my own control.

Hope some of this is useful. Have fun.

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