That whole mind set thing, and the way some fellows compartmentalize ,i s fascinating. A little over three years ago I arranged to meet a fellow through CFS. We clicked it off while on the internet--seemed to have quite a bit in common and were both looking for more than just a quickie. We met at a Starbucks on Hwy. 59 (not 69) near Elgin, Illinois. He never said which suburban town was his, but I think it was Geneva. We chatted for three hours--it was really good. He was married and had a young son so obviously needed discretion. We could have worked out a motel later in the day, but I, probably stupidly in retrospect, suggested we get together in about ten days or so since I was heading out on a week's vacation. We agreed.
On the way home from my vacation I was involved in a serious accident. Recovery was going to take several months. I e-mailed him; he agreed to wait. Then several days later I received his version of a Dear John. He said it was due to the family thing--he just couldn't risk it. That I could certainly respect. So as to avoid any temptation, he was erasing all e-mail addresses, so it's been impossible to even try to re-establish contact.
Look--I've been around this stuff long enough to know that try as he may, the odds of successfully "resisting" in the long run for this type of guy are about close to zero.
During our long chat, we talked of our introductions into gay sex. He was a Baptist--out of Kansas or one of those other rectangular states. Who held his hand in that first walk down primrose lane? The youth minister at his church, no less. In an evening swimming pool episode. The minister, interestingly enough, evidently chucked it all, move to SF and became an all out cum slut. An interesting career change, that's for certain.
As a switch hitter (boy, you don't hear that term much anymore, do you) and as a former Christian fundamentalist (I chucked that decades ago, to my great relief), I think I understand the mental agony--at least somewhat. But wouldn't it be nicer if we could, in an open, honest way, have it both ways. It's no direct major problem for me now--I'm single. But in the past, with a married pal for over two decades--ya--it raised some ethical issues, especially since I was a friend of the family. Had we been able to be open, at least with his wife, it would have been so much easier. One can't help but wonder--fifty years or so down the road, as the movement progresses, will such arrangements, some of which exist now I assume, be considerably more common? Comments?
P.S. The "How could YOU do that?" question is a classic, that's for sure!
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Being in late middle age, I especially enjoy fellows who prefer guys a tad older since we're often more interested in the total process including massages, etc, rather than simply quickies.
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