I have never used the term boner to a patient. I will use the them "hard" or "soft" and I have no problem using "jerk off" if "masturbate" elicits a confused look.
And "okay, now I need to see your tush" is more humane than, "assume the left lateral fetal position, and spread your buttocks for me, please"
But I try to keep the conversation on as professional level as I can. As for discussing someone else's wet farts with another patient, ouch!
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