It could be either of those things, dude -- you could be extra-sensitive and/or have an allergy or the guys could be using really SHITTY poppers.
I wouldn't say you are being a jerk about it, either. Not everyone likes poppers -- and those who do not enjoy them or experience miserable side-effects should have to be exposed to them.
I love poppers and use them all the time, as I've stated here quite often. But I NEVER force a dude to use them or ask a dude to tolerate ME using them if he doesn't like them. HOWEVER -- since I DO enjoy them quite a bit, if a guy says he isn't into it -- I will generally NOT hook up with him. I think that's fair and reasonable on BOTH sides. I don't take it personally, neither should he.
I ran into a dude at a bookstore once -- I could tell he would be a SERIOUS contender for "Cocksucker Of The Year." He took note of my poppers and said: "Not too much of those, man." Now, I had no problem that he expressed his wishes, but I also didn't feel like being told I HAD to comply and limit myself. I also wouldn't be sure exactly what amount of poppers would be "too much" for him and I didn't care to have that discussion. So I told him that I was going to take a pass on the encounter. And that was that. No big deal. I see him often -- we don't bother with each other anymore.
I knew a guy a LONG time ago who had some sort of reaction to poppers -- his lips would swell up for a good twenty-four hours if he sniffed them. He did NOT have this reaction from someone else using them, but he could not use them himself. This bugged him because he loved poppers. So I guess an allergic reaction is possible and could manifest in different ways in different dudes.
The symptoms YOU are describing seem to be par for the course: poppers can give everyone a headache and the smell can certainly linger in your sinuses for a while. Though generally it is much worse for the guy who is actually sniffing them. But sure... you might be more sensitive to them and experience the side-effects in an extreme way.
And, YES... I've tried TONS of brands of poppers. Very, very few give me the results I seek with minimal side-effects. And poppers expire RAPIDLY. When I get down to two-thirds of a bottle I generally stuff them in the freezer and get a new supply. The older the are, the more headaches they provide.
While doing the bookstore scene here in NY (my last week now -- oh, no!), I've run into tons of guys who have their own bottle of BAD poppers. I can't stand the smell of the shit they are sniffing but it doesn't have any bad effects on me. It's funny because the dudes have ALL reached out to have me hand them MY bottle -- they can tell from the size and shape that I've bought the premium stuff. I can only imagine two reasons why they don't buy it themselves: 1) It is twenty-five bucks a bottle here, double the price I pay in Florida and via mail-order and 2) there's only one very obscure store where you can get it. Yet they ALL know what it is!
I do know that when I've used the "low quality" shit it has "gone to my head" in a very literal sense. So I'd rather cough up the cash then feel like shit.
You can certainly ask guys not to use them -- many will comply. You can ask guys to at LEAST not use them when kissing -- I've had men ask that favor or me and I have no problem with that (though I really enjoy kissing with poppers). You can ask guys to purchase PREMIUM poppers and see if that helps -- it may or may not.
Be prepared to maybe be rejected now and them. Some dudes won't want to give up their poppers. Don't take it personally. Most, however, probably won't care. I can enjoy great sex without them, but... I RARELY run into a dude who objects. I'd say about HALF the guys ask me to share. Forty-five percent of the other half don't say a word and show no signs that they are bothered by them. Maybe five percent actually say something or do a dramatic little "hand wave" as if to dispel the vapors!
If hooking up online, state your preference FIRST. I personally always tell a guy: "I like poppers -- if this is a problem for you, please let me know." I'm not about to waste my time or HIS time arranging an encounter and then both of finding out we are not compatible. Men discuss their sexual compatibility online all the time with regard to lots of issues -- so popper use is a legitimate thing you can discuss.
If hooking up in a free-form venue of a casual nature (maybe being drunk and in a bar and having a case of "loose lips"), you can mention it as well.
Now and then you may find yourself in a situation where you cannot have this discussion first. That happens. So bring it up when it becomes an issue -- it's the best you can do.
It's YOUR body and YOUR choice. Any sexual partner who won't respect that is not a partner worth having, if you ask me. And this comes from a dude who LOVES his poppers. So don't feel guilty about it.
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