You don't want to do like me and sit on the toilet for 30 minutes reading the Bkk Post or the Economist. It's fun, I know, but they told me, "shit and get off of the pot." Also, don't sit down for a pee, like I do in the morning.

If you're constipated, don't push. Do what I do and flush it out a bit with the bum squirter. This will clean you out well and also give you a nice Now-I-Wanna-Get-Fucked feeling....

And for those little, greasy bullets they give you to put up your ass...if your ass is tight like mine and you're mashing them at the door, put them in the refridgerator or freezer to harden them up. The cool feeling on your ass can become quite addictive....

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