Hey, I never made that absurd extrapolation...you did.
I'm pretty dumb, but nowhere did I ask if the hemmrohoids were the cause of the sensations on the back/thighs.

Anyway, regarding the painful anus, I finally found a doctor at urgent care who actually bothered to put on gloves and inspect me more than just a quick visual check. She found a hairline cut in my sphincter. When she touched it, it burned. Was given Proctofoam, and it is good stuff. The rash on my ass is from sitting in that position; my skin creases up and it is very dry. Not sure about the tingling elsewhere, but we will take care of things systematically. Hell, when one goes away, maybe the ohter symptoms will as well.

One thing I learned from all this - not all doctors are willing to look at your ass.

Again, thanks to all for the input and comments.

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