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Originally Posted by jonn3
This was made much more difficult in college by the fact almost no one had private rooms - doubles or even quads were the norm. And if a roommate caught you with a girl or even a magazine it was cool - but back then you did not get caught with a guy.
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Yup. Most guys lived in the dorms, but at my school, the dorms were not mandatory. So, a few dudes rented rooms, and very few (myself included) were lucky enough to have their own flats. This was a very MAJOR advantage. Nope, in those days, you did NOT get caught messing around with another dude. I always thought that a lot of people must have known what was going on, but that was one thing. Getting caught was another thing... And that was a total 'no go'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
For us the roles were not so defined - and anal was the exception not the rule. It was like making out and fucking were "real gay" sex but blowing each other - well that was ok - just guys getting off - etc etc....
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This is where cultural traits kicked in. A BJ was fine if you were terribly short of time. But most of my buddies thought that a BJ was more a HS thing than a college experience. So, 'sex' really meant anal sex.
Another cultural (Mediterranean) thing was that the tops topped, and the bottoms bottomed. You had a role to play, and basically, you stuck to it. The narrative was that bottoms did not want to bottom for other bottoms. If they were going to raise their legs, and have a guy pound their hole, that guy had to be a genuine top, otherwise, you were just wasting your time with him.
No doubt, the versatile guys had to be very discrete, and if it somehow became known that a top dude bottomed, he became the butt of the jokes, and the tops all wanted him to bottom for them to make sure that their ranks remained 'untainted'. Very few guys dared to challenge this. Other place other customs, I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
That was probably a real breakthrough for him - maybe the first time he actually admitted - out loud - that he was really into guys.
That was a big and unheard of step to acceptance -
When talking once with an old sex buddy we were discussing how much we were afraid to say it back then - how even though we had sex a LOT each time you got together there were a few moments of nervousness - while you assessed the moment and made sure he had not "out grown" the sex games.
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Yup. This was a real breakthrough for this dude. You could say that he made his and my life a bit easier
Practically, little changed, though. We would still meet, and have sex just like before. The real change was that we talked about it openly. "Dude, I need some." The pizza, movie and the beer part were dropped off from the convo. We needed sex, and that's why we were getting together.
Unlike John, I rarely experienced any nervousness about it at all. If a dude showed up at the door, he knew what he was up for. Our default was that everybody was free to change their mind, get a GF, or hook up with someone else and possibly his bunch of friends. No one really talked any obligation, monogamy, etc., in those days. And some dudes were shifting between their buddies and friends. I nailed a few dudes who were coming for more. After a while, some of them lost interest, and shifted somewhere else, or I lost interest and looked for someone whom I thought was hotter, and maybe more skilled. Strange enough, no one thought that this was wrong, inappropriate or whatever. After a while, some dudes showed up on my radars again, and some disappeared totally, only to be replaced by other guys.
Relatively few guys were judging. Though, we all took some care to stay within our own league or get someone who was deemed hotter than the rest of us to join the play
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KD