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Originally Posted by jonn3
A very big advantage - not so much for oral - we could sneak off and suck each other anywhere - but for anal we had bathrooms down the hall and open showers - no private place to prep or to clean up after. Although back then there was not as much attention to preping - it was more just go to the bathroom and shower.
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Getting caught was really not an option. Sure, the guys did it everywhere, but having a flat to ourselves meant both safety and comfort. It also meant that a few guys figured out that they'd rather go with someone who flashed his house keys now and then than with someone who was suggesting a more daring scenario.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
Interesting - I wonder if there have been any studies on the cultural effects on gay sex. Here in the US, at least for me, the focus was MUCH more on oral sex - not sure how much was the way we were raised "the butt is dirty - yuck" - the fact that you could do blow jobs behind the garage while Mom was home - but with most of my buddies that was the activity. And even if we did fuck it was oral much more often - fucking was only on occasion.
And with fucking the roles were not as defined. With some guys you were top, some you were bottom and some you traded off - it seemed to depend more on what each person was into and what felt good for them.
As a top - was it acceptable for you to blow the bottom? Was there kissing or was it just pure sex?
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Being at college somehow meant that you were 'grown up', and beyond the HS habits. So, oral sex kinda did not count very much. Sure, it was sex. No one would deny that. But this was reserved for dudes who were scared, and still not really into the full play. Sex was meant to be somewhat 'dirty', otherwise it was not worth it. If you limited yourself to oral sex only, the rest of the guys would not take you seriously. You were really not worth their time. Relatively few tops would blow their bottoms. This sort of upset the balance of power. Most bttm dudes went on saying that if they were putting it out, they were doing it for 'real men' who would not go down on their knees to suck off another dude. On the other hand, everybody kissed a lot. This was part of the play.
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Originally Posted by jonn3
I know what you mean. I remember the first time a friend and I stopped pretending we were just doing it because there were no girls around and basically admitted we liked cock - it was very liberating. Not like coming out - nothing was public - but at least in private we no longer were playing mind games.
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The pretense in my (hi)story was really that the bttm dude was putting out to help a horny top. Sure thing, a horny top would have been happier (in theory) if he had a willing GF, but since this was not the case, his bttm friends were kinda helping him out. A bottom dude was not supposed to have enjoyed it/needed it. Once this pretext went out of the window, our lives became a lot easier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
The nervousness was mostly younger - I had 3 friends I fooled around with that I only saw in the summer - and each year we were all nervous - making jokes - etc - trying to figure out if the other guy was still into doing gay sex. Two of them eventually out grew it and got girlfriends and (at least as of when I last saw them many years ago) were totally straight. But at the beginning of each summer there would be talk about school and girls and we would sort of "dance around" the issue until eventually we got the message "he is still into it".
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A dude who grew up out of it simply disappeared from the radar. If they kept in touch with you that meant that they were still in for the play. So, I have never had this kind of nervousness. The drawback was that a few friendships perished in the process. But keeping in touch would have meant the repeat of the play, and that was really not an option for most. I believe that few men really ever grew up of it totally. Having someone around who used to fool around with you would have been a constant challenge not to fall back into the old habits. And that's what these guys were trying to avoid at all cost.