The fact that the play was in total underground, and that it was a transgression made it special. My buddies and I had no doubt that other dudes were doing the same. And some rumors within the close-knit circles inevitably came through but stayed well within the circle of the dudes involved.

The notion that someone would spill the beans was virtually unknown. Sure, some dudes would inevitably get at odds with each other. But no one ever outed anyone or was spreading any gossip beyond very clearly defined boundaries.

I believe that this is a sign of progress. And it is also a fact of life that won't change that easily. Yet, I still believe that some guys would intentionally choose to stay away from such alliances. For those who need support, such clubs can make a huge difference. For the others, they are of little or no importance. The counterproductive bit is that a few guys who tend towards safeguarding the privacy of their sexual lives feel compelled to stay away from the alliance dudes, simply because they do not want to be found 'guilty by association'. Some people will always tell you that it pays off to advertise. In the matters of private lives and sexual intimacy, this is a bit of dubious statement.

You really nailed it on the head here.
The attraction of the m2m sex beyond the obvious, i.e. getting your rocks off, which ALL the guys involved wanted to get, regardless of their real sexual orientation was the simple fact that no further obligations, consequences, gossip, etc. were likely to occur at any time. You connected with your buddies, fooled around, came for more or not. The sex did not carry any further consequences. We were in it for the pure fun factor.

Sure, one or the other dude fell for someone, and wanted more. Some got it, the others did not. But hardly any drama over it ever ensued. It was a NSA play, and no one doubted that.

I have run into a few co-workers, people I knew socially, etc., in the bars and other gay venues. I never failed to greet them, exchange few words, etc., but so far, no one bothered to start any gossip that I am aware of. This is probably a bit of a European cultural trait that leans heavily towards protecting privacy. Most guys go around minding their own business and though, I have little doubt that they find it interesting that they bumped into someone they know, that interest stays there.

Even guys who are totally out, and openly gay do not find it too meaningful to spread the details of their latest visits to the bars and clubs. They are happy to show up with their significant others, and project a societally conformist view of gay men who have their own families, and practically live heteronormative lives. Telling someone else that they met you, me or anyone else at one of the gay cruising venues is likely to blow that carefully constructed image that they are trying to maintain about themselves.

I always stop short of mentioning that it would be nice if they did not talk about our unintentional encounters at the gay venues. My openly gay acquaintances usually ask for this, though.

I always assure them that I go by the 'what happens in Vegas ... policy'. And you can see the big sigh of relief on their faces.

I have come to believe that many (certainly NOT all) gay men come out seeking societal approval, and are hence fearful that they may lose it if it becomes known that they are looking for sex beyond their suburban homes, and supposedly monogamous LTRs.

KD

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