My parents and extended family, too, took some time and trouble to set me on the 'right path' when it came to my understanding what men do (being than men are supposed to be masculine and project that image around them), AND what men really do not do (because such a behaviour would not be deemed as masculine).
First off, the visuals they approved of was a dude mostly in blues, browns and blacks. (Military uniforms were fine, and so were sport uniforms.) A guy has got to look the part.
Second off, complaining in great detail about small issues, and sweating small stuff was totally unmanly. Being a male was not an easy task, and you had to be prepared to bear its burdens without a word, really. (On some very basic level, the narrative had it that males derive more pleasure from sex than females do, and hence, there was a price to pay for this imbalance??!)
Third off, career success was a major prerequisite for being a successful male in their eyes. A dude who was unsure about a restaurant bill was not really one of us 'real guys', in their worlds.
Fourth off, within reason, 'a guy has got to do what he has got to do'. All the burdens of manhood had to be rewarded, too. A dude who took care of his family, business, and had a good standing in society, naturally had right to answer to no one. If he wanted to go fishing/hunting for a week with his buddies, married with children or not, well, this was his prerogative.
This list rolls on and on...
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No doubt, some of their views are now anywhere between being wrong and obsolete. And, frankly, I always took the stories that they were trying to share with me, probably for the educational purposes, with a pinch of salt.
The manly thing is to listen to your folks, family and friends, but to call your shots as you find fit.
Adding the fact that I was perfectly aware of my gay identity in those days to all of the above did little to help my full adherence to their rules and concepts.
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Yet, for all the practical purposes, I did absorb the customs and traditions of the world that surrounded me. I sure, broke the mould by wearing bright pink shirts under the formal sports jacket but I stopped short of going overboard in any particular direction.
With the benefit of the hindsight, I can now say that I adopted their views on masculinity and the duties of a male, mostly to my benefit.
There is really a great merit in keeping yourself a bit above the things, and NOT sweating the small stuff. And it does make a lot of sense to have a successful career for many obvious reasons. It also makes quite some sense so safeguard your own sense of autonomy, especially if it does NOT affect your children, and possibly other dependents, etc.
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Back to the present time. Probably, fewer parents spend their time and energy trying to instill specific concepts of masculinity into their sons. We all live in a changing world, and the guys will get there on there own, anyway. Or so the narrative goes...
Starting a young and independent life without ANY guidance is not easy. Your life compass needs calibration...
I have been coming across the dudes in their very early 20's who seem to be entirely lost, without any life plan, neither really working nor studying nor doing anything in particular but going around and trying to figure out what is it that they want/should/need to do. Where is it that they want to go to? What is it that they want to achieve?
Trying to find yourself in the chaos of contemporary living is probably a natural part of growing up. Yet being totally clueless about the values that you wish to embrace while searching for the meaning of it all, makes it so much more difficult, too.
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Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject, guys!
Thanks in advance,
KD