It's self-indulgent for me to take the time to write today since I should be doing other things. My reflections are colored by always having been an eccentric outlier. I was a military brat and my parents also had a mixed marriage, he being Catholic and she nominally Presbyterian. My mother was in fact a free-thinker and sort of iconoclast and thought and did pretty much what she pleased within the social constraints of the times.
Speaking to her kids, Mom always questioned what was expected of Air Force wives and women in general, although she played along publicly to her advantage. Having married late for the early 1950s after having had her own career for ten years, marriage was, among other things, a way to leave a small racist Southern town. Marriage to a military man who was absent so much allowed a type of freedom. No doubt they also loved each other, although the relationship evolved and changed and was rocky at times decades later when he retired.
With all that and with my father being away so much and our living in so many places, I was exposed to many different ideas, ways of thinking, and ways of living that by the time I was a teen in the 70s I realized that I had to work things out for myself, in my own mind, regardless of social norms. It took a few years to figure out who I and what I wanted but once I did I proceeded openly, though generally tempered by good manners and respect for others.
Anyhow, about the different influences... There were two years living in a state where I attended Catholic school. There was a year when I attended public school in a poor inner-city district. There were another two years in a place where public school had all students, both sexes, take a quarter each of art, music, home economics, and shop.
The only constant was change, and I learned that there were many options. It was up to me to choose, no one else.
I have two brothers. One became an Army officer, stayed for years, later was "RIFed" at the end of the Cold War then hired back as a civilian to do similar work. He follows conventional gender norms and is conventional and conservative in general. One became a Navy officer but left after a few years, then kept moving around the country in different managerial jobs. Both remained Catholic but had different relationships with the Church and its teachings. The second eventually separated from his wife, moved overseas and became a permanent resident of an Asian country. Finally they divorced and he remarried. He has adopted many of the attitudes and norms of his adopted country.
My two sisters and I became more free thinking, more like my mother. One became an Air Force officer, was married, divorced, remarried, and now is Pagan. The other is a scientist, never married, and pretty much quietly follows her own mind about things in life and gender matters.
As for me, I considered a career in some diplomatic or national security civilian agency but, seeing barriers and wanting more freedom, decided to leave that track, get a "normal" job, and do what I pleased.
I suppose I'm an early example of the ones who had no "life plan." They always told me I could do and achieve whatever I wanted in life -- lucky me -- but they never told me how to choose. So I drifted from data entry into programming into systems analysis into e-commerce and eventually into working for Keith on this site.
For me, life hasn't been about preconceived expectations very often. It's always a work in progress.
All for now. ~ Bob
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