Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
That was one of the great things - there was no expectation of love or romance or staying together forever -
Early on it was just a physical release - we were friends - we were horny - we needed to cum. As I got a bit older with some there was a degree of, as you say, "light emotions" - we cared about each other - but it was still not the passion that was expected with heterosexual sex.
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Sex was passionate, though. The feelings afterwards however, never went anywhere close by. The bottom dudes got their act together very soon. They were showing passion and emotion during the actual intercourse. The tops matched this fully, as a rule. In other words, everyone was putting as much energy and enthusiasm and knowledge/skill as he had at the time to make sure that the actual sexual experience was as good as possible. A bottom friend of mine used to say, 'since I am getting fucked anyway, we all may have some real fun along the way, too...'
Once the sexual bit ended, and we returned out of the zone, the guys you messed around with were sure, still your friends, but no further expectations of any kind were raised on anyone's part.
Naturally, once the freshman year ended, a few of the guys figured out that some of their buddies were real keepers, and that the others, well, not necessarily so
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So, the dudes who kinda became 'regulars' started hanging out amongst themselves a bit more, and the already existing bonds of friendship grew a bit stronger. Hardly anyone really spoke about being in love of any kind, but a good top guy made sure that his favorite bottom dude got reasonable support if needed.
The tops, too, tended to group together, and made sure that if one of your friends needed a hand here and there; he got the support needed, too.
There was quite some bonding, quite a few seemingly great friendships, but hardly anyone tried to emulate any heteronormative emotional life associated with the heterosexual intimacy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
With me it was not so much my buddies stopping - it was more my being afraid to expand my number of sex partners. AIDS was all over the news when I was in college - giving some of the stigma back to gay sex that had faded a bit in the 70's.
So every time I was in a situation where it could have happened I had to wrestle with my own internal issues as a guy in the closet and then add to that "and what if he has...." - it made masturbation and waiting till I was home on vacation with my buddies seem like a much safer route. So there were a lot of opportunities I missed that in the pre-HIV days I think I would have gone for....
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This is where the practicalities of life interferred. In a pre-internet and pre-apps age, the best (not the only) way of meeting the 'new' guys used to be through the network of your buddies and friends - basically through your coterie.
Add to this equation the fact that being caught was really not an option. The necessary planning forced you to call your shots ahead of time.
So, Michael asked me if I was up to meeting a new bttm dude he had messed around with. Like every horny top, you'd say, 'yeah, sure.'
Michael went on to organize a meet up over coffees or something at one of the public places. Both the 'new guy' and I had the chance to opt out if we did not like each other... But that used to be the case very rarely. The default was that the 'new dude' already had that afternoon free, and I also made sure that my downtown flat was available. So, both he and you shrugged down with your shoulders, thought WTF, and went on with the business at hand
KD