Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
Gay sex was something we did - it was not considered who we were. Even in college I do not remember there being anything like a "gay / straight alliance", and if there had been I would not have had the courage to join it, but now you find clubs and organizations like that even in Junior High schools!
Basically we just lived our lives like everyone else acting just like the rest of the gang - except after everyone else had left when alone we would have sex. There was a degree of emotion involved but nothing overwhelming and certainly nothing public.
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Yup, John nailed it in the head here. True, after a while, we all quietly and implicitly agreed that what was going on WAS gay. We were trading gay magazines and VHS vids, too. No one spoke about being gay, though, but it was understood by all that we were all very much 'walking on the wild side', and no one showed any sign of being uncomfortable with it.
Over the time, your close buddies and you developed bonds of friendship. No one really felt like being in love with anyone in particular, but your close buddies enjoyed your support to quite some degree. We all implicitly agreed that the guy you were having sex several times a week was not just another dude you knew, but someone who deserved your friendship and support. Towards the end of the month, a few fellow college kids were running really low on food money. No one expected you to help them all, but a good top tried to make sure that his generosity was directed towards the dudes who bottom for him first and foremost. This was an unspoken, unwritten rule, but all my friends observed it judiciously.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
Very much the case with us - it was truly "don't ask / don't tell". Families had "bachelor uncles" that never got married, "Bob's" brother and his roommate shared an apartment, even though it only had one bedroom. But it was not talked about.
What was frustrating about no one being open or talking about it was when you would find out someone was into it years later. A guy I always thought was cute as hell in high school ended up getting caught and outed in college - and all I could think of was "If only I had known back then he was into guys!"
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Relatively few people would actually start a gossip here and there. 'You know, he does not have a GF, yet?', etc.. But since we all kept our stories very strictly to ourselves, there was no smoking gun, and hence, hardly anyone did more than shrug with his shoulders and move on to the more substantial subjects.
Unlike John, I never experienced any feelings of regret once I learnt that one or the other HS/college cuties came out.
Practically all of my buddies and I were pretty open-minded and extrovert. If a cute dude showed up anywhere on the horizon, the chances are that we would be putting our works on him
. If he did not catch the bait, well, it was bad for all of us, but we moved on pretty swiftly. You win some - you lose some.
We also learnt pretty soon that a few guys who we thought were gay and who really turned out to be gay were apparently not interested in the dude(s) who were approaching them. A few years later, we discovered that there was yet another coterie of gay guys at college who were mostly looking for daddies, or preferably for sugar daddies. Those guys had had absolutely no intentions of messing around with their peers to start with. Some of it was purely sexual - they wanted to have sex with grown up men, and NOT with growing boys. Much of it had to do with money and lifestyle that some of them were craving for.
I befriended some of the Trophy Boys gang during my postgrad years, and discovered that most of the talk among them was about expensive gifts, exclusive foreign travel, and life on a superfast lane. Neither I nor any of my buddies would either qualify nor would we be really interested in going financially overboard to score with yet another dude, regardless of how hottt he may have been.
The 'generosity' most of the tops in my gang showed limited itself to a possibly nice meal, occasional movie/theater tickets, and a cab ride home, usually after some hot play in the top's bedroom.
We also learnt that being 'out' was of relatively low practical importance even if it were a theoretical possibility in those days only.
Later on, when many, many people came out, and the rest of the world kept on wondering if this guy was really gay or not, most of us shrugged with our shoulders and moved on.
The gay could be as gay as Christmas. I may be as out as anyone could possibly be, but if he does not find me attractive enough, I am not going to score anyway.
KD