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CRUISING for SEX - View Single Post - "Mattering" in Str8 & Gay Men
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Old 17th December 2015, 12:28 PM
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infopop
Bob S: Administrator / Manager / Editor
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 562

"Youth is wasted on the young" is attributed to George Bernard Shaw although some people think it came from Oscar Wilde. It's an interesting thought.

I didn't have much interest in youth even when I was young. Someone told me once in my teen years I was "Fourteen going on forty."

In my twenties, young, attractive, contacts instead of thick glasses, big basket and my 501s showed it, I preferred older guys, 30s, 40s, 50s, because many of them had intelligence and wit and were able to treat me as an equal, "not just another piece of meat" to use the cliche. I was well-educated and in grad school and I had a lot more important things going on than what was on the surface. The ones who saw only a handsome twink edging into the leather scene never interested me and sometimes repulsed me. There was a guy I tricked with several times who got annoyed that I couldn't meet him because I was studying for an exam; he never called me again. That was the same one who'd said, "You look great but if you worked out you'd be really hot!" That was a clue if I ever heard one.

Basically, I did not just want to get off, I wanted a sense of connection. That could be just for a short time, a few hours, a night, a few weeks, or longer, but there had to be something personal in it. The exception was going to the sexclubs or parties where one abandoned self and entered the bacchanalia with few or no restraints.

Now at 54, the same thing applies except that I'm much more constrained by time, energy, work, being a full-time caregiver, and so much more. The apps are not a place for me, I want the look in the eyes and the body language and the tone of voice to make a connection. So, in those very rare times that I can and do go out looking I'd be looking for a "real person," reasonably close to my age within 10 or 15 years or so (but who knows, I don't really care) and where that sense of connection exists, however temporary. Quality time, especially in my current situation, is most important.

Of course, I've also always accepted that I'm an eccentric outlier. Maybe that's a different type of "exceptionalism" but it's a class of one that people have placed me in from childhood that I've lived with all my life. I'm speaking only of my experience, not anything general.

~ Bob
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