Quote:
Originally Posted by infopop
Basically, I did not just want to get off, I wanted a sense of connection. That could be just for a short time, a few hours, a night, a few weeks, or longer, but there had to be something personal in it. The exception was going to the sexclubs or parties where one abandoned self and entered the bacchanalia with few or no restraints.
Of course, I've also always accepted that I'm an eccentric outlier. Maybe that's a different type of "exceptionalism" but it's a class of one that people have placed me in from childhood that I've lived with all my life.  I'm speaking only of my experience, not anything general.
~ Bob |
I always thought that what described here was the most general default.
I went cruising for sex, and wanted to hook up with a guy for sex. This would only work if we found each other attractive, AND if we managed to establish a sense of trust and connection that would make it worth our while to go through the notions of going to his place or mine, chatting along, and generally developing the feeling of being at least, comfortable in each other's company. There had to be quite a bit of basically harmonious interaction.
Now, if you went to the spa, saw a hot dude on his knees waiting, and a multitude of naked men walking around, you dispensed with everything else, had sex there and then, and moved on. You probably never exchanged a word, since such places and such contexts were really not meant for socializing
.
What made you a bit of an outlier here is probably your frankness to admit that even as a college guy, you sought contacts with 'older men'. The default is the peer group.
Most of the younger, usually college guys who seek contacts with more mature men, claim that their m2m (s)experience within their peer group was only partially satisfying. The sex may have been good, but all the other exchange stalled. Once the deed was done, both guys moved on to their next targets, making their previous experience somewhat meaningless. The 'more of the same' cliche comes to mind here.
KD