Quote:
Originally Posted by infopop
Honestly, there were a few guys my age who I was attracted to and one I dated for a couple months. He was in law school, I was studying International Relations, and we were both in Dignity. a large community of gay and lesbian Catholics in DC.
I think a lot of the young guys like me who were just exploring our sexuality and also so focused on education and career were naive: We knew who we wanted but other than seeing some porn magazines or whatever, didn't always know what to do or the actual "mechanics" and protocol involved. We had reached the gay scene through a different entrance than the guys who started out in the bars, the streets, in undergrad, or whatever. Being that intellectually focused plus the religious component, guys like us found a way to put all the pieces together in this group, the Espiscopalian Integrity group, and so on. (Although some of what I heard about what went on in seminaries could fill a book...)
Back to the mid-1980s story: Having "arrived," we younger guys could sort of fumble around with each other or we could hook up with some really attractive older guys, both physically and on the points of personality and character, who also were well experienced, sensitive, and knew exactly what to do. They taught us by example. Choosing the older guys was often a better choice, although I certainly do regret some opportunities both with guys my age and with older ones that I passed up. Sometimes I look back and think "what if?" but that's water under the bridge.
~ Bob
|
None of my college friends had any active relationship with the church in the 80's. Yup, people got buried, and the priest was saying his prayers. And people got married in the church, too. The kids were baptized. But that was it. No one attended any service, prayed or indicated in any other way any religious affiliation whatsoever. Church was part of the identity and belonged to the catalogue of our customs, but virtually all dudes fessed up to being the hardcore agnostics.
Some of this attitude must have come from the fact that we saw the teachings of the church as fully incompatible with the lifestyle we were very much enjoying in those years.
True, the biggest single stumbling block in those days used to be the what Bob called here
'the mechanics' or
'the protocol'.
It is one thing to chat up a dude or not in an openly gay bar/spa/club and follow him or have him follow you to the more private space (backroom or darkroom) or wherever, and it is, indeed, a very different thing to connect with someone in your college class, swim team, university library, etc. so that you proceed to have sex with him.
Having no gay groups of any kind whatsoever AND having no gayborhoods of any kind, we resorted to what was available at hand.
We cruised the nude beach in summer. You saw if the guy you were interested in was checking you, too or not. If he was checking you out, too, the protocol would call for one of you (usually the top dude) to ask for the lighter, or offer to exchange his magazine/newspaper for yours. This would start a short convo..., and few minutes later you would be swimming away from the prying eyes and ears, and preferably arranging a hook-up date later in the day.
A cute dude in your college class/library/sports team was checking you out, too. So, a casual small talk ensued. Wow, he was interested in your kind of music, and you had a nice LP collection/set of questions for a very difficult exam/valuable notes or whatever. And, yeah, he was more than welcome to come to your place and see it. (And, preferably a few other things, too.)
A few local Playboy style magazines used to have a classified section. This is where you would be running your ad, and responding to other ads of the men who were quoting their stats and were looking for friends. Snail mail correspondence with SASEs and Xeroxed pix ensued, and you met a few interesting guys from that source, too.
Finally, there was some gay cruising at some public parks after midnight or so. Most college kids thought that this was a bit too risky, and mostly meant for the 'older' guys, etc. Yet, some of us ventured there, too, now and then, and met like-minded guys occasionally.
Yet, the single most significant supply line remained the once established coterie. You met other like-minded guys through your friends, and they did meet the guys you 'discovered' through you. This worked like an intelligent introduction service. (You were introducing tops to the bottoms as a rule...) And the guys had to pick it up from there or not. But no one was going to receive many intros at a zero rate, so each and every one of us had to do all the footwork needed to stay in the game.
Sure, some guys were always better at playing the acquisition game than the others. That's why they got to mess with the supposedly hot,new dudes first, and the others got the proverbial 'sloppy seconds'. The not-so-good players were supposed to balance the books by doing something else for the guys who were helping them meet other dudes: write their school papers, buy them meals now and then, etc.. Most of it really had symbolical rather than practical character but being a total leach was not an option.
KD