At first, it was just a passing fantasy of a repressed memory from a few years back. I would often fantasize about having sex with men, in groups or alone. I would suck dick, and I loved getting fucked. Then, one day I realized I was craving cum! I also realized I had been lying to myself and everyone else, and those repressed memories weren't so suppressed anymore. I was about 17, homeless and living on the streets of Boston and NYC, when I was walking through the Fens in Boston, at night. I'm not a small guy, but I suddenly found myself on a hot summer night in the middle of a group of guys, maybe 15 or 16 of them. They were blocking me and they were leading me into the bushes. My heart was pounding! What was going to happen? It didn't take long for me to find out. Apparently, I was going to be their hot date for the night! I was trembling, and almost crying when they took my clothes off and laughed at my small penis. Meanwhile, most of them already had their cocks out and were stroking and looking at me and smiling a weird kind of smile. There was a picnic table in a small clearing and they led me to it, and made me lay back over the side. One guy walked up to my head and stuck his dick in my mouth and pushed hard. He then pulled it out and spit in my mouth and stuck it back in. He worked it in and out while my legs were held up in the air and another guy stuck his dick in my ass. It hurt! I couldn't really think about that because the guy that had his dick in my mouth kept pumping in and out and his balls got closer to his body and then he started to pump his cum down my throat. Meanwhile, my ass was getting a real brutal pounding by a huge dick, and this guy was really into power pumping, I noticed my little dick was getting harder the more he fucked me. There was already someone else who put their dick in my mouth but his was much smaller and he only pumped a couple of times before he shot a really big load. Some of the other guys laughed, maybe at him? Anyway, when he was done cumming in my mouth and I was ready to swallow, He french-kissed me and then punched me in the face. He was gone and quickly replaced with another eager penis full of semen that was being shoved down my throat. My own penis was fully erect and I was really close to cumming myself! What the hell is this, I thought? I'm being raped and I'm going to cum? Power pumper was still going strong, and my whole body began to quiver as he drove into me relentlessly like a slow, now thoroughly lubricated, jackhammer. I reached around and felt his huge cock and I couldn't get a grip it was so fucking big! Well, that's why it hurt at first. But now I was kinda digging getting fucked. I started cumming, pumping every time he drove his huge cock into my wet and willing ass. I was quickly dragged back to reality when another guy grabbed my hair and yanked me head back so I could watch the power pumper anymore. I though I might miss the way he leered at me whenever he buried his monster cock deep in my ass. I didn't have long to think about that, though. I was bombarded by a stream of dicks, pumping my throat full of cum, pumping my ass full of cum, and pissing on me and in my mouth. My body was trembling, quivering really, for the longest time after they seemed to be done taking turns. I say that because the raping returned in earnest, and now it seemed there were even more guys, and even a couple of girls. They were giggling and I think they were calling me "little dick faggot" while the guys continued to rape me. My mouth and ass were numb, and I passed out. I woke up choking on a very long dick that he just kept shoving all the way down my throat until he came and then pulled out. I opened my eyes briefly and noticed it was starting to get light out, but then they pulled me off the picnic table and threw me to the ground. They started kicking me in the back, stomach, balls, face, head, and then someone took a glass coke bottle and shoved it up my ass. Hurt like a son of a gun! Then, he kicked it. After I woke up, I noticed I was still naked. My throat, mouth and ass hurt and so did the rest of me. I found my clothes and got dressed. I managed to walk until I found a public bathroom. I went in and I was shocked at how bad I looked. I was black and blue over a good portion of my body, some teeth had been knocked loose, and my stomach hurt pretty bad. I tried to take a crap and that's when the bottle came out. There was a substantial amount of blood, too. My mouth hurt and some teeth would never be the same, but that wasn't what I was thinking about. Believe it or not, I was thinking about the power pumper and his leer when he was pounding my ass. I was also thinking about drinking cum and the taste was different from guy to guy. Some taste about the same, but some taste really different! So, I just got raped and shit a coke bottle and blood out of my ass, and I'm looking back on this fondly? FFS, YES! They broke my cherry, and that started my insatiable craving for penis! I have had sex with strangers for years, and I'm still married. My wife and I don't have sex, though. Why does this matter? Well, I feel guilty about doing what I do. I've tried to stop performing fellatio on strangers, but I can't do it. I will even suck dick in a bathroom at a bar, or in the parking lot, or in the woods, or on the beach. And still I feel guilty. But, I cannot stop hunting for dick to suck and cum to swallow. How can I do this? I know I need help but I can't stop thinking about sucking dick. Here's an odd twist; years later, after the rape on the Fens in Boston, which I would never report. I get it. Not gonna report it and be known as the guy that got gang-banged. Anyway, years later I was living in South Boston and was walking down E St. when I passed a bar. Some guy comes out swinging a bat and hits me right in the mouth. I go down, and wake up to a cop slapping me in the face because he thinks I'm drunk. Somebody told him what happened and the ambulance came and took me to the hospital, where they wired my jaw shut (it was broken). Later, I had the rest of my teeth removed and got dentures. Then I discovered the absolute joy of giving gumjobs! The feel of cock rubbing against my gums is heavenly, and I could suck dick for hours. The guys getting gumjobs from me seemed to really like it, too. Some guys want to fuck me but I always try to at least suck one load out before they fuck me. So, what d you think I should do? Tell my wife? Don't tell my wife that I'm a faggot cocksucker? Do I just continue to sneak around and suck dick in parks and bathrooms and theaters and cars and hotels? Do I continue to give gumjobs and let guys fuck my throat? Do I continue to let guys fuck my ass? I'm addicted to dick! I worship penis! I drink cum and piss from the fountain! I'm despicable, aren't I? I should be punished, right? Maybe tied up and have my mouth used as a urinal or whatever? I need help, internet strangers. Tell me what to do!

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