OK, I'm new to this cruising scene and I have a couple questions. There is this park in town known for cruising (I know this thanks to Crusing for Sex Web site). I've been there a couple of times. There are cars pulled to the side of the road with guys sitting, watching other guys drive by. Sometimes, Guys pull over, sit a while, then leave.

OK, now the question: How do you know if a guy is interested in you if you stay in your car? How do you let another guy know that you are interested in him, whether he's in his car or sitting on a picnic bench? Can you be bold enough to walk up to the guy and ask if he's interested?

I'm so confused!

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90% of guys are sitting around waiting for someone else to make a first move, that's my guess. And they're too chicken to go for it. If you want action, you have to be a little bold, and yes, there's a risk of rejection. Just move on if that happens, I suppose.

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Being bold and straight forward also lends itself to arrest or hard feelings if the guy isn't there cruising. You must be very careful. If there are trails in the woods, go for a walk and see who follows you. Rub your crotch area in view of who follows you .

Eye contact is another way. If you make eye contact and the person looks away..forget them..they are not interested. If they hold eye contact with you...they are interested. Do some head motions to indicate you want to go and back up to see if they follow. Get away from the crowded area....if they follow...then start converstation.
Internet cruising in chat rooms and bb's like this website are better and safer than cruising public places. I would try them first....just meet the person you plan to hook up with in a public place first before you go to their place or take them to yours. That way you can always walk away if things are not right.

Have fun!

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40 something, 6' 175 brn/brn hairy looking for other married wm or younger guys to play.

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I'm just going to parrot GASlick's advice first of all: be very cautious. The scenario you've described is possibly one of the riskiest cruising scenes there is: in most cases, it requires you to make the necessary first move, and getting your intentions across to some dude sitting in his car without saying anything that can land you a night in jail is not always easy.

Seems to me that some cruising scenes have changed dramatically lately. At the same time, many constants have remained the same. Yet I do believe that in "the old days" things were a little easier.

While police entrapment has always been a concern, it is almost practically stifling these days. Way back when, there didn't seem to be as many organized stings, and cops didn't go to such dramatic lengths to trap a cruiser -- at least not as often. It is a fallacy to think that just ASKING a dude if he's a cop REQUIRES him to tell the truth if indeed he is. Cops CAN and DO lie. Cops will mimic cruising signals, touch their crotches, give hand gestures -- and I've even heard several chilling stories of cops who will actually take their dicks out and wait for a guy to reach over and touch them. They'd deny this, of course -- and who is going to be believed? The "disgusting faggot" or the loyal keeper of the peace?

With the advent of increasingly righteous and ridiculous conservatism sweeping the nation, with gays in the forefront of the nightly news, with HIV a concern and with an election year upon us -- all the more reason to be careful.

And while I do not ever support undo paranoia, I most certainly subscribe to common sense and personal safety.

I think there's a line in one of the CFS primers here that says something like: "If it looks too good to be true, it probably is." Keep this in mind, dude.

Car cruising also seems to vary depending on the geographical location (the actual area you are in, and if there are places nearby where sex can be accomplished with some degree of stealth), the time of year (fucking outside in the winter in North Dakota is not a good idea), and the region of the nation where you may live.

When I lived in New York, there were at least a dozen active cruising locations, but what went on at each one was different, to a degree. Late night street cruising involved a smallish neighborhood but could extend for radius of a few miles. Men in cars driving around were always on the lookout for other guys who might be cruising. Seeing the same vehicle repeatedly in the same area driving around for an hour is a good indication that the the other dude is cruising. If an interest was sparked, all the usual signals would take place: brake light tapping, casual signals from window to window when stopped at traffic signals, seeing if a guy would follow you and for how long, if he made the same random turns as you did, etc. Ultimately, guys would generally pull over in a "safer" area and one would get out of his car to speak with the other. Sometimes, guys would just drive immediately to areas where outdoor sex late at night was common: a few alleyways or untended bushes and wooded areas. They'd simply exit their vehicles, go out into the dark and meet each other to mess around. There were times, in fact, when NO WORDS ever need be spoken at all. The signals were enough. It was kind of wild, actually.

I am not sure if this has stopped because of fear and uncertainty, or if this kind of vehicle cruising is more common in certain regions than in others. What I can say is that here in Florida, at least THIS part of Florida, I have NEVER seen this kind of cruising go down successfully. Men do not EVER follow other guys, at least not for more than one or two city blocks. Break light tapping goes on, but it is very limited. I have tried, on a few occasions, to see if men who I can tell are interested will follow me to a safer place where we can park and talk. It has never happened.

I can't STAND it when guys stick extremely close to a cruising area and draw attention to themselves and the other dudes. For example, there's a bar here in my town that gets a lot of late night cruisers. But these guys just SIT THERE and wait for something to happen -- and it never does. The police KNOW this area is full of cruisers and they arrive often. It might be cool to make contact here at first, but then drive away and talk elsewhere.

I've complained here at CFS often about the lack of cruising in Jax. Ten years ago, there were many areas to cruise. But because of the BLATANT behavior of cruisers who were too lazy or too dumb to use some common sense, EVERY SINGLE ONE of these spots are now GONE. Utterly GONE. One by one, the cops closed them all down and new ones have not appeared.

So the thing is -- if you live in an area where the police are actively trying to bust cruisers, you can bet for SURE that they are aware of every spot. The guy you are into in the pickup truck next to you could be a cop. They don't all use unmarked Crown Victorias when they set up a bust, you know.

Yet some places are ignored by police. I think perhaps they make a perfunctory bust once in a while at a few select but still secluded areas, just because they are required to do so. But most of the time, they leave these places alone. MAYBE the thought it that the closing of the more public type areas more or less "corrals" the gay guys to one spot. If that spot is usually trouble-free and elicits few complaints from citizens, maybe it's best to just let the dudes do what they want in a private setting and leave them alone most of the time. And, of course, by corralling all the dudes into one place, when they DO want to make a bust, it's SO much easier to get a lot of men at once.

I can recall times when I'd see a dude driving back in NY, we'd make eye contact at a traffic signal, and he'd drive directly to his HOME. He'd park outside, motion for me to follow him. He walk in, leave the door open. I'd go inside. End of story. It was so easy it was almost unbelievable. No one seems to do this anymore, and I can understand why. Silence Of The Lambs pretty much ruined THAT little game, didn't it?

Yet some areas are much safer than others, obviously. An old, favorite park of mine in New York is still as busy as ever, but the place is so HUGE and the woods and trails are so expansive that getting caught just never happens. A good rule of thumb is that if a place is very obviously a cruising area, with lots of men acting blatantly, it's a high risk spot. But also -- consider an area where men are always meeting up and sucking and fucking in the woods or something like that. If you wander across a little outdoor orgy, it's quite obvious that the men who are there and currently fucking around are NOT cops -- go ahead and join in. But this is no guarantee that cops won't SHOW UP and put an end to it, either!

In the park cruising style that you mentioned, I remember when guys would walk up to my vehicle and ask the time, ask for a light, whatever lame pickup line they had. Then suddenly they'd just reach down through my open window and grab my crotch. This kind of bold behavior is rarely seen these days, at least not here.

Sometimes I am in a cruising situation, both past and present, and I just get a really bad feeling about it. I'm creeped out and nervous. I have learned to trust my gut on this after three really bad mistakes on my part. It is wiser for me to simply walk away.

The signals are all still the same, but they aren't a secret to cops. They will use these cue and clues very effectively just like a gay man would do. Rejected signals are a good indicator that you are NOT dealing with a cop -- he wouldn't reject a potential bust! But it does mean that either you have a gay guy who isn't interested, or you have hit on a dude who isn't gay at all and has no idea what the hell you are doing. Even worse -- you hit on a dude who isn't gay but DOES know what you are doing -- and you get your ass kicked.

The bottom line is that cruising can run the gamut -- it can be fun, exciting, thrilling, erotic and incredibly interesting. The little secret games we play for sex have their appeal, that's for sure. But there is ALWAYS the element of danger involved. Some CRAVE this and get off on it. Others wish the games could go on without the fear and worry. If you are going to cruise, you have to be bold, sooner or later. You can try the laid back approach, which is generally what I do myself. I let the other dude make a move on me, and as was always stated, this can lead to NOTHING happening because MOST of the guys out there are waiting for the other guy to make the first move, too! But I'd rather be safe than sorry, you know?

I second the suggestion to try some online cruising as a way to get your feet wet. I'd also recommend trying some cruising venues that do not involve so much guess-work and potential for disaster. While there are a few scattered reports of busts at bathhouses, these are pretty rare and highly unlikely. Most cities leave the baths alone. More of that "corralling" of gays to one private spot. At the baths, there's no "true" public sex. The cops would rather let the guys just go inside a building and keep them off the street. But finding a bathhouse in a more rural area or small town isn't likely, you would need to make a trip to a larger city. Adult book stores are also a good bet. While these places DO get busted much more than baths, there is still a level of privacy there and it can be easier to read the signals -- a large penis sticking through a gloryhole is asking to get sucked, you know? Video booths are probably safer than group sex that goes on in adult theaters -- but use some common sense no matter what you do and where you go.

If this park intrigues you, by all means, enjoy the thrill of the place. Just be careful. The BEST way to feel out what the accepted approach is in any cruising location is to WATCH the guys who are more used to this place. See what they do and follow suit.

DO have a backup plan. Bring a book or something with you. If you are just sitting in your vehicle and police ever question you, you should have some sort of banal excuse as to why you are just hanging out. They'll know you are lying, of course, but they can't do much about it except ask you to leave, and sometimes they can't even do that.

One final word and I'll shut up, I promise. I am personally wary of any conversation that is suggestive or leading. Police will say a LOT of things that are meant to get you to respond in such a way as to have you break the law. They WILL talk to you for a long time. They WILL follow you. They WILL signal you. The know the game and they play it well. Your best defense is to say as little as possible, NEVER incriminate yourself. NEVER admit to anything that is questionable. A cop once said to me that a certain area where I was standing was "well known for homosexual activity." Act surprised if you hear this shit, but be nonchalant. Be polite. Hold your ground.

I know this all sounds bleak and dismal, but you can still have fun cruising. You just have to pay attention and get used to what goes on. The warnings aren't meant to terrify anyone, just instill some logic and sensibility to the proceedings. It would indeed be RARE for a cop to actually pull out his dick in order to bust someone, but unfortunately it is not impossible. Odds are good, however, that a dude who is jerking off and watching you is as interested as you think he is! The more obvious signals you get, probably the more likely it is that you have simply met another cruiser. When things seem too veiled or too good to be true, use extra caution.

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Scruffy, as always, gives good, practical advice. I, too, remember the past in Atlanta, when cruising in and around Piedmont Park was wonderful. Every effort of the police to break it up just moved it to some other location. Those were the days when the county solicitor had shut down all the bookstores in Atlanta as public nuisances (well, they were connected with organized crime, that was definitely established). But that kind of cruising has pretty much dried up, at least as far as I can tell now. Atlanta has a reputation for being gay-friendly, but it doesn't extend to cruising or to private consensual activity in the bookstores. There is a lot of harassment.

Having reminisced and bemoaned the current situation, here are my additional thoughts:

First, know the laws where you are cruising. Public sex is always going to be illegal. In Georgia where I live, "public" is defined as any place outside your own home and can even include your own home if you can be observed from outside of it (such as standing naked at a window). In Georgia, the sodomy laws have been declared unconstitutional, but it still remains illegal to solicit sodomy. So it's ok to suck someone, but not ok to ask them if you can suck them. Ostensibly, the courts decided to keep the "solicitation" law to combat prostitution (not that prostitution is not already illegal) but it is primarily used in police stings of gay/bi men who are looking for sex. So be aware of technicalities in the law like that.

Secondly, protect yourself. One of the things that I always do - I have a friend to whom I'm out. When I go to meet someone, or go with someone to his place, I always call my friend and leave a message on his voice mail telling him where I am and when I went there. Now that won't protect me, but usually when I get inside, I tell the dude that I made the call from my car -- so he's aware that someone knows where I am and who I'm with, just in case he has any ideas of violence.

Finally, to combat the police sting, a guy who met me once did this. We were talking, thinking about hooking up, and suddenly he leaned over and said, "kiss me!" So I did, and we made it a passionate kiss. He then smiled and said, "If you'll kiss a man like that, you're no cop."

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