What do you do?
I'm not talking getting caught where maybe discretion has embaressed you in local papers.
I'm talking national papers (you'll see).
I don't give a F about me,but what about the other person?
If you don't know me,I'm all about relationships.
I know how insecure I am. I also know I could never betray this individual.
What's the purpose disclosing your identity if your in the position of power?
I know I could be percieved as a victom,far from it, I knew what I was getting into.
I am trying to convince him he could become a hero to millions,yet
he could also become a parhiah(sp) to the religious right.
I do not want to discredit myself as bullshit,you will just have to wait and see.
My idenity is my own,his idenity is ...

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I know!! You are either Liz Smith or Michael Musto.

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I will wait until it all hits the fan and then I will come back and post an opinion.


Voyeurism_R_Us
From someone whose personal life has been discussed at work and have it come back to haunt me (because I would not "put out" to "move up the food chain").

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Voyeurism_R_Us
Love to watch people have sex and even join in if I get the urge to. See picks in my cfs.com gallery.

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Hey MS,

There is no universal answer to your question.

If you want to keep the circumstances to yourself, no one else can help you.

There are many types of public figures and there are many types of environments these figures function in. What may be right for A might be a demise for B.

KD

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A few thoughts:

1. Can you control the coverage? If so, stop it. If not, think about how to manage it. What you admit, when and to whom does matter, and waiting until all possibility of denying scandalous behavior has passed will not allow you to exert any control over the spin of the story, or its longevity. Bad publicity is best met head on.

2. Are you going to admit being gay or having sex with a guy? Are you ashamed of that? There is no shame in being a pariah to the religious right. All of us on this forum are pariahs, and most are proud of it! Haven't you seen that bumper sticker that says, "Doing my part to piss off the religious right?" Even if you are Jerry Falwell, there are worse things than being gay- like being Jerry Falwell, for instance. Embrace your liberation, you have no choice.

3. If you are going to be damaged by the revelation, think about how you will deal with the worst case and go from there. The worst case scenario rarely plays out. If there are wives or kids to be hurt, do not add insult to injury by letting them read about it in the papers. Tell them now! If the other person is going to be damaged, urge him or her to prepare, and do what you can to help. A vacation in Mexico when the shit hits the fan might be a thoughtful touch.

4. If this is as big as you imply, one of you involved has resources to hire media experts to help. Do it. The Lambda Legal Defense Fund might even help you.

5. Monica Lewinsky survived having the whole world know that she sucks dick, and you will, too. Jenny Craig needs a new spokesperson anyway. If you're lucky, the new pope will push you off the front pages anyway.

Good luck!

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His identity is his own too, no matter how you or anyone feels about it.

Since you knew the situation ahead of time, you should abide by that and act accordingly. If the situation isn't accomodating your needs anymore, then move on. Outing someone just to satisfy emotional needs or to make a statement that's "your" agenda and not his isn't cool.

I'm responding here assuming the case is that you're not happy with your partners "closeted" lifestyle due to his visible social persona to the public. If I'm wrong, I apologize and ask that maybe you explain the situation at hand a bit more.

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When it comes to public disclosure of somebody's sexual identity or orientation, what happens to that person pretty much depends on what is at stake and whether they can wither the public scrutiny.

Public figures and celebrities are always in the crosshairs of the public's eye, so to speak, and are particularly vulnerable to intense public scrutiny.

Local public figures and people in public positions of authority are vulnerable to intense public scrutiny. An adult Boy Scout leader may enjoy high praise and honor in his local community because of his community volunteerism and dedication. He could have been a past recipient of a local, statewide or even a national award which brings prestige, high praise and honor to his character. He might be a family man, has a wife and children, and his closest friends will vouch for the integrity of this man. The icing on the cake, so to speak, is he teaches the gospel every Sunday at his local church. What more could a local community need or want for better men of such influence in a local community, right? But ...

There is another aspect about this man the public doesn't know. He has a secret life too. His secret life as a man who cruises other men for sex makes him particularly vulnerable to public scrutiny -- make that intense public scrutiny. If this same man has a proclivity for young boys, he becomes Public Enemy Number One -- a monster, a child molester, or just plain evil.

What happens to a person pretty much depends on what is at stake and whether they can wither the intense public scrutiny.

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Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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Marco,

I can only speak in generalities here, since I don't know all the fact. But unless the guy's going to come off as a major hypocrite, or he's in a major homophobic profession (ie. MLB) he'll survive it. And if the guy's nationally known, he probably has somebody handling his pr already. And if the guy's got a spine, he'll do his best to minimize the media frenzy directed at you.

Your best option is communicating with this guy and making sure the two of you keep your "story" consistent. The media loves nothing more than hyping inconsistencies.

And you do know, as far as modern journalism is concerned, the truth never gets in the way of a good story. Who knows, maybe you'll get a book deal out of it.

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Wish I could respond -- but I have no fucking idea what the hell we are talking about here.

Marco -- if you care to discuss the nature of this situation in detail, I'm sure we'd all be interested to hear about it.

Meanwhile -- just how much notoriety is this situation going to get?

I mean...

Should we be watching CNN or looking at the headlines of Weekly World News in the supermarket checkout lines?

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