the last three times that i've fucked someone I have lost my erection. Seems like everything is working fine and then when I get the condom on and start fucking the guy , within a few minutes I go limp. Could this be a medical problem or have I jacked off so much that I'm used to a tight grip? What can i do to fix it? I'm 39, 5'9'' 180 lbs. I've also noticed that when i cum i dont shoot like i did when i was young. I used to be able to shoot over my shoulder when paying down, now it barely shot out and sometimes just runs out.

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Don't know if this will help but how is your piss stream? Mine was slowed down and the Dr. prescribed Flowmax to relieve a swollen prostate. It fixed my other "problem" too.

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Well, dude... this could be a lot of things -- or nothing at all.

The best advice, as always, is to see a doc if you have serious concerns.

Keep in mind a few practical, common sense possibilities, too.

Condoms can be erection-killers. Most men do not get thrilled at the notion of wearing rubbers. But NOT using condoms can kill much more than your erection -- it can kill YOU. The truth of the matter is that I am not a fan of what condoms do to a man's dick, decreasing the pleasure and being a nuisance to a sexual "mood." But don't get me wrong -- I advocate condom use just about every day of my life (the subject comes up often) and I'd be happy to kick the ass of any dude that doesn't use them. They suck, but they are MANDATED -- kind of like taxes.

The point being, even if you are quite USED to wearing condoms, every now and then they put a damper on the festivities. But you HAVE TO USE THEM. So the best advice is to try your best to deal with it. See if you can "retrain" your mind and your dick to tolerate a condom. Consider masturbating while wearing condoms to help with this. Also see if you can attach a sexually exciting mental image or scenario with the condom: "When I put this on my dick I'm going to get to fuck a hot ass." That kind of thing. It's quite possible to retrain your psyche to be in tune with wearing condoms.

Age is a factor -- or at least it can be. I will be thirty-nine myself in less than two weeks. Now... I won't lie to you: I rarely have problems. But from time to time... yeah, sure... something comes up. Or, rather: something does NOT come up.

Being an anal top such as yourself, there is a good chance that you are dealing with some performance anxiety. This is common and can also be tackled without much difficulty. I don't fuck or get fucked, but I HAVE certainly experienced performance anxiety of my own. Granted, there isn't always a lot of "performance" involved with whipping out my dick and having a hot, eager cocksucker go down on me. But... now and then I'm in a situation where I feel I must live up to certain expectations of the guy who is providing a great service for me. So I sometimes get nervous. One example might be hooking up with a dude who wants a lot of sexual dialog. Most of the time I can talk during sex easily and say whatever it is I HOPE he wants to hear. Yet if I am unsure of what he likes hearing, I might get anxious about it. I'm faced with a few other expectations from certain cocksuckers, too. Some guys start asking right away if I'm going to shoot a "big load." Well... you know... usually this isn't a problem, but I hate being put in the position of predicting what the ultimate volumetric output of my ejaculate is going to be! What if it's a lot by generic standards but not enough to satisfy a "cum pig?" I'd hate for the dude to be disappointed, yet I can't do an awful lot to produce more cum ON COMMAND. So I might get nervous about that, too.

BAD cocksuckers who do NOT turn me on are a problem, too. Yet recently I've found a good solution to this: I just fuck their mouths and get what I need that way. If they can't handle that... I will just jerk off and let them rub my chest or lick my balls or whatever. We've ALL done this, I'm sure.

I've discovered that RECOVERING from a bit of a soft dick is mentally cumulative to PREVENTING it from happening again.

Once I've maybe lost some of the power of my erection, if I can get it back -- I gain confidence for the next time it might happen, knowing that I CAN get it back. Does this make sense? It's the psychological aspect of PE -- but I'm not talking about SERIOUS and TRUE PE, the likes of which makes it impossible for some dudes to get hard at all. I'm talking about NORMAL and EXPECTED and NATURAL sexual circumstances that all men experience sooner or later.

It's no secret that I've been a bit of a slob lately. Now that I am back in Florida, I suspect that my recent escapades will be coming to an end due to lack of available cruising venues. Yet while I was in New York, I had a grand old time. It was intense to walk into a bookstore and be the focus of the attention of so many dudes. I got obnoxious about it now and then, but it was all in good fun. I was never impolite, of course. But... it has only been in the last few years of my life that I have been THIS desired. I look and feel better now than I ever have before -- so why shouldn't I have fun with that, right? Even so... even with my HUGE ego and insatiable appetite to get my dick sucked -- even I had problems every now and then. But I did not obsess over them -- I just accepted a bit of nervous tension as par for the course. If my dick didn't get hard on command... oh, well... dicks aren't necessarily made to respond in that way (once we pass age twenty-five, anyway).

A couple weeks ago I walked into a bookstore and immediately knew I'd have my pick of any of the guys in there. OK... granted, there were only five other dudes, so it wasn't THAT big of a thrill, but it was cool anyway. I knew I certainly couldn't hook up with ALL of them -- and I only wanted ONE in particular anyway. But I wanted to fuck around and give them all SOMETHING, at least. So I went from booth to booth and showed off my dick to every dude in the fucking joint! It was hot as hell. I had this shit-eating grin on my face and I was in total control of my dick. I'd leave a booth, go soft, walk into another booth, get hard INSTANTLY and show off again. It was easy -- yet I CANNOT duplicate this ANY time I want. But I DID teach myself a few new things -- I learned the mental aspect of it all makes a HUGE difference.

So that's the point, here. The mental aspect makes a HUGE difference.

The problem is that once you are aware of this, it can have the reverse effect, too. You can become TOO aware of your own mental issues and focus on them TOO much.

It's happened to me, too. A few nights in the bookstores I was either nervous or had just had a poor encounter that left my dick feeling not so wonderful. With the negative imagery floating around in my head, I was reluctant to try again for fear the same thing would happen again.

I just learned to get over that shit! No reason why you cannot do the same. You just have to WANT IT.

As for ejaculation power... well, that changes as we get older. But not always. I've never been a "power-shooter" myself. I HAVE had some REALLY impressive orgasms, though. I think that's something everyone has from time to time, too. It can fluctuate -- and once any medical issue has been ruled out, there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about if you don't shoot as forcefully as you maybe once did. But DO rule out any medical issues, just to be sure.

I've mentioned here many times that I take a few vitamins which are alleged to help with semen production. Eh... I am not sure I buy into all of that. But I still take them! I have ZERO scientific evidence for vitamin E, but... it seems to do SOMETHING. My cum is just about the right consistency -- when I was younger it was very thick and sometimes lumpy. Not anymore. But that could just be something that normally changes with age -- or it could also be that I take MUCH better care of myself now than I used to. I also take zinc, which IS essential for healthy sperm production -- but to be honest, I don't care to be bothered looking up right now if it matters as far as the seminal FLUIDS are concerned or just the actual sperm. I'm guessing both. And frankly... I don't give a shit about my actual sperm cells -- they are of no use to me! I just want a nice bit of fluid for visual effect! I take saw palmetto, too. This is one of the few herbs that has been shown to help prostate health in general. It's not new -- but it probably hasn't been long enough in use by the population to know for SURE if it really doesn't much good over the long-haul or if it even could have some negative effects. I'm willing to take the minor risk -- it seems to give me a bit more fluid and I rather like that. I also take a multi-vitamin with lycopene, also shown to help out the old prostate. I eat TONS of tomato products, too... but that's just because I like them. I keep VERY well hydrated also.

I could just be imagining ALL of this, too. So take it with a grain of salt. I'm just sharing what I do for my own dick and balls.

I can have a more powerful ejaculation just by TRYING to do so. We all know how to use our muscles to PUSH when we're cumming right? Try that.

Also, as we all have experienced, being jerked off really fast tends to get the cum flying, too. I like this from time to time, but I enjoy all the types of orgasms available on the menu, from the most powerful to the softer, gentler types!

Being "trained" to a tighter sensation or a looser sensation or whatever it is that each of us likes CAN have an impact on your erection, too. YOU say you like it tight -- I am the opposite. For me, the softer and more gentle -- the harder I get. But I've learned to accommodate SOME of the differences between guys. I can keep it hard most of the time with a guy who sucks with a firm pressure. Sometimes... nah. It's just TOO uncomfortable. I'll TELL a guy to change, but not everyone listens.

So if you put your mind to it, you CAN learn to adapt to changing sexual situations and conditions. You can also learn to adapt to natural aging and the normal changes of your body and libido.

Sometimes we worry because other guys our age perform different sexually than we do. I've met dudes who are hard instantly and STAY hard for ten minutes after they cum. I am NOT like this -- and I don't feel bad about that at all. I chalk it up to just being different. Nothing wrong with that. My dick works just fine and on rare days when it doesn't... so what? It will be raring to go again in a few hours!

TRY not to worry about this too much. If you worry excessively you can make matters worse. Get in tune with your body and your dick especially. Practice various sensations and techniques alone while masturbating. Find a few willing partners to practice with, too. SEE A DOC to make sure you are OK, first and foremost. There's TONS of medical options that can be helpful if you have a situation that needs attention. But if you discover "it's all in your head," that is cool, too. Because you CAN control that. Just don't be afraid of changes as you get older. I know it is tough to be casual when your dick doesn't work the same as it used to -- EVERY guy freaks out about this... even me. But overall... SERIOUS medical issues are probably not likely. At worst, something minor is going on that can be adjusted.

Have fun practicing meanwhile! And love your dick as best you can -- even "old" cocks needs affection!

Good luck.

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Soundslike maybe you need to get a better fuck buddy.

Getting older to some people, does bring on erection and performance problems, but not everyone. There is some good advice given in this thred. Have you tried Viagra or one of the other medications?

Just a thought...

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Bottom both anal and oral. Like to be lightly submissive. I love a guy who knows what he wants and takes it. I also become extremely submissive when held down and tickled. W/S is up for negotiation.

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