Well, it 's been so long since I last posted. Reason being I was too piss drunk for the month to bother about anything. Hope that writing this down will help to resist the urge to get drunk again.

I was trying to lie to myself when I said that I was unsure if Eric was actually JY's son Patrick. Then I contradicted myself later on. I knew deep inside that he's got to be Patrick. The denial was so depressing that I numbed myself with booze. I really had the hots for JY and I tried to get her during those 2 dates. Then something changed and she kept a cool distance away. Maybe she thought I was treating her like those easy Suzie. I was hurt but too dumb to show it. Maybe she thought I won't provide well for her and she chose that smart nerd instead. It hurts more to know that she was right since he was a doctor and I was barely able to pay for my drinks. I am nothing and now this ...with her kid? How low can I go if she knew about it...?

Hard stuff are always good for whatever the damned reason. I drank and drank each night and can barely make it home, sometimes with the help of friends. Friends atarted asking questions and telling my old lady. I ran up a big tab at the bar and not feeling too welcomed. So I had to switch bars sometimes to avoid being seen.

Sometimes at other bars,strangers are more friendly for a chat. Other times, they ignored you. After a few weeks of no sex, some of the strangers/men began to look more and more sexy. Of course these are not gay bars so it's all in the mind.

One of those nights, I was looking more than interested in one nice looking guy and was wondering if it's possible to make a move. Or maybe he would make that move first like BC did. BC never called for so long.

The guy went to the toilet and I followed. Followed him to the urinal and saw he had a nice package. But avoided eye contact. He went out, I followed. Still nothing, then he left the bar and nothing. Back to ordering more drinks to console myself.

This old gent with the silver hair came over to chat. He said I was being obvious. I know I was being obvious but it's none of his business. He said he knew that guy and he's straight and married. Yeah I said I know, that never stopped them before.

We were at the quiet corner of the bar and I was feeling brave to talk gay to him. Those drinks made me feel good. He laughed. I was gay funny. That never stopped me too. He said when he's at my age, that would never stop him too. I laughed that he was being obvious. He said that would be my good business. Yeah right mate, I said that was none of my business.

He said, no that would be "your good business". Yeah, whatever, I can barely understand things now. So how was his old lady? Dead. Any kids? 2 boys and one girl. Already about my age and happily married too. 7 noisy grandkids. Yeah I said probably not stopping his boys either. He nearly spilled his drinks.

Don't joke about such things okay.

Yeah bloody hell, it's alright when that didn't stop me but it's not alright when it's his kids? What bloody hypocrite.

Well, it was just horrible horrible to imagine his kid put up his legs like that you know.

Yeah, I know. I imagine if his kid would ever see him put up his legs like that.

That smile on his face froze and he's quiet. Back to more of our drinks and he's buying. In that case, make mine a double.

Since he was paying for the drinks, he's asking the questions okay? Top or bottom? Versatile. How old? ...This.. that...

Want to make the business? Huh what business? Sex. Who? Him. How? He can't get hard, no viagra because of heart condition. toy play. What toy? Sex toy. Oh, maybe. Daddy/son role playing. How much? $xxx enough to pay for my big drinks tab. He said ok but he gotta check my body for cleanliness. I said I got to check his cock to make sure he's really mean toy play.

We went to a toilet cubicle. Stripped together. His was soft, my was clean. So we left for his place. Nice big expensive house.

Showers first and he can feel up the goods. Off to bed and I grabbed another drink from his bedside. Feeling good. He called me son, I called him daddy.

Daddy wants to fuck son.

Sorry not in the deal.

Yes it was.

No, he was supposed to be impotent.

Yes he can with daddy's little helper.

No no, he was not supposed to take viagra.

Yes, yes with this daddy's little helper. He took a big fucking wand from his drawer.

No, no I thought his little toy was a dildo.

Yes, yes it's only a little dildo wand,

He's not going to stuff the whole wand up my ass.

Little dildo for little boy. Be a good boy and listen to daddy. Let daddy show you. He turned on his huge 60in TV set and video.

There's a 3some. A young man, a middle aged and an old guy. The young guy was teaching the old guy how to use the wand. That's when I noticed that bloody thing runs on electricity, not battery! and it vibrates too. It worked like a smaller concrete breaker! The big middle aged guy was told lay on his back and to grab hold of his legs. I was ordered to do the same. I heard him turn on the wand. I drew a big breath and closed my eyes. I pulled my ass cheeks wider apart as I can, Hoped this would ease the entry pains.

Then I felt something vibrating on my neck. I opened my eyes and he was laughing. The video was showing the kid using the wand to massage the guy. The moaning was not from sex.

As he applied oil and his wand went around my body, the strong massaging was feeling good. He massaged around the balls. He said to turn over and he'll massage my butt. I turned over and then suddenly felt the wand impaled me. I shouted in pain. He pressed down on my back and told me to hold still or the wand might injure me. He didn't pay me good money to give me free massages. That money was paid to impale my manhood.

I was to turn around slowly like meat on a BBQ skewer, to face him. I tried as I felt the wand twisted inside me. He had already turned off the vibrating before impaling me that's why I didn't feel it coming near. Otherwise I thought he'll break me like using a concrete breaker.

I could now see that wand impaled into me. The pain was bad. I tried to pull it out but he started the vibrating and told me to stop or he''ll injure me at the strongest speed. I stopped and breathed hard. What the fuck was he doing to me, I shouted. He said I was invited to my own BBQ and I was the meat. He laughed. This time the video was showing the guy was being fucked by the old man with one wand and the kid massaging his body with another.

The scary part was when the 2 wands met, the kid tried to push his wand in also. The poor guy was shouting no, no, please no.

He said he had another wand if I liked that too. I said no or I'll bloody kill him. He turned on the vibrating and I jumped. He slowly withdrew and pushed back in. I was still sore. I told him to put in more oil. He said I was a dumb fuck with no experience. I needed more serious lub. He open a can of crisco and used the wand to stick a lot into me. My oily body and my lard sticky ass was just like a broiling BBQ meat. Fucking delicious. And he gave me a few fucking jabs with the wand. The pain was not bad this time.

Only problem was my ass was too white and looked uncooked. He said he's going to spank my butt to add more colors. I said don't you dare, you fucking pervert. He said $yy more? I said ok but be gentle right?

He sat on the bedside and told me to crawl onto his lap. I got on all fours and noticed his wand was still sticking out my ass. I was about to pull it out but he said to leave it in there. With my butt muscles. I tried to hold it up while making it steady as I crawled the short length looking ridiculous.He laughed.

With my butt on his lap and me using my palms on the floor for support, he kissed my ass. Then whapped, he gave me a hard slap on the ass. Ouch. Then another, even harder on the other butt cheek. He took a bedside mirror and showed me the ten red finger prints on my white ass. Now, he said my meat had the BBQ grate stripe burn pattern that he liked on his meat. And he bit my butt lightly. Delicious to eat.

That's when I noticed something hard sticking at my tummy. I guessed it was his cock getting hard. That liar. He pushed me off his lap and the wand fell off my ass. Hello my hardness beauty, it was such a long time since I had you. He was happily talking to his own cock. He grabbed my head and stuck his cock into my mouth, telling me to keep it wet and warm so that he will not lose his hardness. He thanked me for giving him the youthful feeling of hardness. I don't suck well but I tried to keep him hard.

Now he wanted to use his real thing instead of the wand. Please, I must help him. It's almost 10 years since he felt this way. I can have hardon without trying but for him, it's a miracle. He'll double everything. Truth was, I was glad to agree. I mean that fucking big wand was no fuck toy, it's so big that it felt like a torture tool. I would need Eric to fuck me the whole night before I get that loose enough to take it inside me comfortably to enjoy it.

The other good thing was his cock was smaller than most so it's an easy fuck for sure. So I said ok I guess. I used finger and towels to try to dig out the crisco from my ass. I took a condom and tied around his balls. Learned that from an older top who wanted his cock to stay hard longer. Then another condom for his cock. He thanked me. I laid back and put my legs on his shoulders. Somehow we don't fit so he put pillows under me till he was able to penetrate me easily. Truth was he could enter me with no pain at all but I acted liked his cock was big enough to cause me pain. White lie, I know. The pain was actually the soreness from that damn wand.

His fucking was worse. Is it because of my soreness or my looseness that I felt not much. But he certainly was not pumping away like a young man. But the video was now showing the old guy pulling the man's ass cheeks apart while the young one was pushing the 2nd wand in. It wouldn't go in, the guy was screaming in pain. It made me glad that the cock was all I had to enter me. I griped my ass muscles to give him a tight fit. I think that poor guy must have passed out because they stopped suddenly and the video ended just like that.

I smiled to pretend I was enjoying his fucking. He was happy and asked me how was I feeling. I said yeah mate, fuck my ass like you want. Feels good. Before I lose my acting I better change to a position where I don't need to act so hard. I turned over on all fours and told him to mount me from behind. That was more comfortable when I don't have to worry about false acting when my face was hidden. Doggie position allowed deeper penetration ( my ex-bf's sex manual said so ) so I felt better also. I pushed back, moaned, called him daddy... whatever to keep him going.

It didn't take him long and he was groaning with dirty words calling me whore, pig, cunt all kinds. Then he pulled out and made me turn over on my back. He cummed but the cum just flowed out. It was not much but he rubbed then on my tummy. I quickly willed myself to cum and shot a big load on the side of his face. I was afraid that if I don't, he will use perverted ways to enjoy making me cum.

We slept awhile together. He crept below me and raised my legs. What? Again? Yes but this time he was tonguing my ass. I asked him what's he doing? He said he was just marking the ass that he had just mated with and remembering the taste and smell as well as the fuck. It's being more than 10 years since he had this kind of fun. He said I was a good fuck but a lousy actor. I was acting so much to be slutty it was damn funny. He can see my face in the mirror while I was being pumped from behind and I looked bored while groaning like a slut. It's ok. He was turned on that I cared so much for him to try my best to please him. He knew he's no fucking machine, the type that I was used to. He knew it would take a good hard fucker to ever turn a mean looking big guy like me into a bottom. He ought to thank that guy for making me into such a fine piece of meat for him to enjoy as well. Though he was not really fat but I guess his love of the BBQ must had given him that heart condition. The photos in the room showed he used to be much fatter.

Old and very wise man. I wondered if he's good at giving advice? I asked him if I was 19yo and he would be my age. would he mind being fucked by a 19yo like his friend's son? He said he would definitely fucking mind. It would be the same as his friend being fucked by his kid. It belittled his older generation in the hierarchy. He worked hard to provide for the kids and demand their respect even if that mean beating it into them. How could his friend come around and be fucked into submitting to kids so young. I guess he was very strict with his kids like we blue collar usually are. He said we were too poor to provide them with comfort but what we had was damn hard to get. We demanded respect because we find it difficult to get it from others except our own kids.

He can guess why I asked the questions but I would not say so. He wanted me to stay for the night but I said I got family to go home to. And I was not greedy for money so don't call me again. ( He don't even have my tel no.? what was I saying?)

I earned enough to pay the tab in full and felt welcome again. There enough left for more drinks for many nights.

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