That's a valid point, what you said regarding showing your best side early on in a relationship.
I would only briefly caution you that while it's OK to ponder possibilities and figure out the reasons why this or that happened -- it would be a mistake to sit around making excuses for anyone's behavior, and it would also be a mistake to waste your time waiting around for something that may not ever happen.
Quickly... while talking to my lady friend over these last couple days (she's calling nightly, now), she mentioned to ME that MY ex and his new partner have made it for three years together so far. This is true. I have NO idea if they are happy, no idea if they are still romantic with each other, no idea about any of it. And honestly -- I truly do NOT care. I USED to care -- absolutely. It would torment me to think of them together and me alone. Not any more. The way I see it -- two assholes hooked up with each other, and each deserves the asshole traits the other can provide!
And, as I've rambled on about in other posts -- near the end I was getting VERY tired of it all. I just wanted peace and quiet; I wanted my life to return to normal. It did, but not without a lot of heartache first.
When my gal pal talks to me, she tries to justify the actions the guy who cheated on his wife with HER and on HER with someone else. She speaks of how this new tryst of his is a "white trash bitch." That may be so, but she's ALSO hoping he comes to his senses -- and what? Goes back to JUST cheating on his wife with her alone? Huh?
She tells me of all this trivial stuff that is said, phone calls flying back and forth, cell phone records scrutinized, the guy's WIFE calling her and asking for emotional support (not knowing my friend was the FIRST woman he cheated on his wife with)... yikes. It's too much freaking DRAMA.
Yet it must come to a conclusion, and while there are pro-active steps my friend can take to distance herself from it all -- I know she is holding out, just hoping that maybe... maybe everything will fall into place. The million to one shot that this guy will come crying to her, tell her he loves and worships her, leave the other girl, leave his wife, marry her, and the two of them ride off into the sunset together on a white horse. Please... it won't happen. Soon, she will realize this and get on with the task of living her own life.
I suppose I should mention that my ex came back to me THREE TIMES. Out of the blue, there would be a phone call or knock on my door. He'd be drunk and crying and once he was beaten up. (MORE DRAMA). He would tell me he made a mistake, that he was back for good, that this guy he was with was trash, that he often had dreams of me and would call my name in his sleep.
One or two days later -- he'd be gone again.
What's interesting is that the first time he did this, I was slightly pleased, but not entirely excited about it. It was just the vindication of "I told you so," that, in a moment of weakness, I enjoyed. But the next time this happened -- I didn't believe a word of it, didn't care, and in fact, told him to NOT tell me the details of what happened. It was more DRAMA that I don't need. I was FREE of all the bullshit -- and wanted to keep it that way. The THIRD time... I told him I'd have to think it over if he was planning on staying. I told him we'd be friends only and it would be TEMPORARY. I told him I liked my life the way it was.
So what I'm saying is that sure... second chances can happen. Second thoughts can certainly enter someone's mind. But only YOU will know if it's right or not -- if there's truth to be found and love to be rekindled.
After the way I was treated... it wasn't going to happen, you know?
And damn, man... the peace and quiet is SO nice. The absence of dramatic scenes, the non-existence of bullshit minutia... it's really, really nice. My mind is SO calm and I feel VERY centered. If nothing else, that makes it worth it.
Glad we were of some help to you, buddy. If and when you decide to update your situation, we'll be here.
Just look out for yourself FIRST, OK?
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