Hope you don't mind... there's one other kind of superficial but possibly also beneficial thing that I was thinking...
My friend keeps telling me that she wants to move away from where she currently lives. This is a dream she's had for a long, long time, and it isn't just a gut reaction to her present situation. However, she feels as though she would be simply "running away" if she were to take action right now and just LEAVE. In a way, I agree with this, but I also think that she's letting her sadness dictate how she should approach her dreams. In her case, it would be impetuous and impractical to just leave right now -- also financially difficult. So ultimately, she doesn't have to worry too much about it. She has the luxury of taking her time, making appropriate plans, and following through in a logical fashion.
But all that got me thinking... When I felt low and miserable, I DID "run away," if you want to call it that. I don't really think I did anything cowardly, but I do think that at the time it was the best thing I could have done. I went to see my family and my friends, I packed up and got on the highway and took some sort of ACTION. After all... if I was to suddenly be ALONE, why not take advantage of that? Lemonade from lemons, right?
I went to New York, because that is where my family lives. I also went to New England because I wanted to meet a new friend who lives there. I already mentioned this...
I notice you live in Connecticut. You have several BEAUTIFUL states at your disposal, less than a day's drive away. Why not arrange to take a little bit of time for yourself?
I'm suggesting this not simply because this is what I did or because this is were I went -- but because I truly believe a little ESCAPE might be a very good thing right now. I understand we all have commitments to work and family and friends, but most of us can manage to scrape up a small bit of free time and spend it on ourselves.
For me, it was the best possible thing. Give it some thought. Take 25 with you, or just go alone (I vote for ALONE, but the choice is yours).
This is BEAUTIFUL time of year to cruise the coastline of New England. A weekend away, time to think, NEW sights to see or even old, familiar sights... Go get lost for a while. Spend some time making love to your own mind. Cry if you want to, smile when you want to, talk to yourself or just sit in silence and watch the waves.
Provincetown was a great place for me -- everyone there was happy and quite... um... gay! Even the straight people! Take a walk and look at the gardens (I know you know the place I'm talking about, a few blocks away from the main drag, parallel to the coast). Shoot up to Maine, stroll along Marginal Way and stop for a drink in a sultry bar in the middle of the afternoon in Ogunquit. What are those rose bushes that line the seashore up there? Are they in bloom just yet? They were magnificent...
Hey, whatever you do, do SOMETHING that's JUST for you. A change of scenery and of routine will do great things for your state of mind. No, you won't forget, you won't stop feeling what you're feeling... but the temporary distraction is a really good thing.
There's a place in New Hampshire, I wish I could give driving directions to it, but I was a passenger at the time. I suspect there are many similar places just like it, though. It's up in the White Mountains and not far from you at all. There's a scenic overlook where you can park and talk a walk across a bridge that spans a deep gorge. On the other side of this bridge is a rolling meadow, lush and green and filled with millions upon millions of purple and yellow flowers. Off in the distance you can see a trail that meanders into the woods. Clouds cling to the sides of the mountains across the ravine. It's very quiet here. Hawks circle overhead. A river runs through the gorge, and you can toss a pebble down into it from the bridge.
It was at this place when I realized that life was so much bigger than the hurt I was feeling. I guess I shouldn't be ashamed to say that it was so beautiful here that I had tears in my eyes. My friend was with me and no one else was around, so he took my hand and we walked nearer to the field of flowers. As I looked at the profusion of purple and yellow, I said: "I wonder how nature knows those two colors look so good together..." My friend smiled and said: "Mike, WE know those colors look good together because nature tells US."
And that was so obvious that it became immediately profound.
Whatever sadness I felt might not have melted away in that instant, but it certainly was put into perspective for me. Year after year, that field of flowers will be there. I can't see it with my own eyes right now, but just knowing it's there is comforting.
Go. Get out and get away. Give yourself up to a silly field of flowers. Lay in the grass and pick out shapes in the clouds. Watch the hawks circle and dance overhead. Pick up a leaf from the ground and drop it from the side of a bridge, watch it sway in the wind all the way to the bottom. See it land in the water of the river below and watch as it is carried away. That's you down there riding the current... if you want it to be.
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