I tape 99% of any TV I watch, so as to avoid commercials and because I don't have the luxury of time to spare watching things in real time. Point being, as I turned off a tape last night, an obnoxious segment of Jerry Springer appeared on the screen simply because it happened to be on the channel for which the TV was currently set. There was all the usual dramatics and screeching at high volume, and because this kind of crap annoys me, I did the most sensible thing -- I TURNED IT OFF.
It's easy for those of us who have survived loss and moved on to just tell someone else they should do the same thing -- but the reality of the situation is that this is not always possible for an injured party. Grief is a process, as we have thoroughly discussed here. Additionally, a person who seeks out help and companionship, even online, should not be turned away. While many others will not benefit from the dialogue contained in this thread, the original poster has certainly let it be known that he appreciates the time we all took to lend a hand. Those who have no need of this assistance can certainly skip it, just as I turned off Jerry Springer.
Not all people share the same emotional attachments to partners, lovers, friends, family, etc. For some of us, it's not all that difficult to say goodbye, depending on the person and the circumstance. For others, saying goodbye can be a traumatic experience that shouldn't be taken lightly.
There have been individuals in my life who have indeed moved on -- and a select group of them meant more to me and also less to me than other people with whom I had developed a much deeper bond. A childhood and high school friend, for example, once decided without explanation or any hint of warning that our friendship was over. One day we were eating chicken wings and drinking beer together, the next day he slipped a note into my locker and said "I think it's best we end our friendship." When questioned, he declined to explain his decision. While this was a painful experience, it was one that was easier to get over than other experiences in my life.
The death of my grandparents, my uncle, my cousin, my best friend's parents -- the loss of my ex... even leaving a group of people I had worked with for eight years was more difficult.
Most of us don't want our lives to be filled with anguish, drama and heartache. Most of us don't plan to live within the confines of a Univision soap opera at any given time. But it happens. We're often not proud of these situations -- and it is at times like those, when we can't understand how or why something like this happened, that we need the most support.
I once knew a guy who thought his partner might be leaving him, and he wasn't too happy about this at all. So I gave him a hand during that time. Lucky for him, this never came to pass, but indeed there was some drama there for a short time. It can happen to ANYONE at all.
Food for thought, at any rate.
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