Yes... VOICE. Hear me out:
I finally met up with my dog groomer bud that I met online a few weeks ago, the one I was ticked off at for not getting in touch with me. Long story short: it was an email SNAFU, with AOL tossing my email into his spam folder. Or so he says. It's neither here nor there anymore since he actually showed up to meet me with as much enthusiasm for it as he said he had the first few times we talked online.
While arranging a possible meeting online, we each discussed all the usual stuff in order to make sure we felt sexually compatible. At one point, I said something along the lines of: "It will be nice to meet a nice, normal, masculine guy for a change." He said: "Uh-oh..." and then went on to tell me that he wasn't "super-masculine."
Well, that's OK with me. Not everyone has to be one hundred percent butch (unless I'm picking out a lifetime partner). Also, not being "super-masculine" seemed to indicate to me that he simply wasn't a linebacker or a pro-wrestler. I'm a butch dude, but I'm also not "super-masculine." I guess I'm just whatever I am, though admittedly not one who can be picked out as gay by the general public.
Anyway, we arranged to meet last night, and I told him I'd call him if I couldn't make it online by a certain time. This is what happened, so I dialed him up. When he answered, I suddenly remembered that "Uh-oh," comment of his and quickly realized that this guy couldn't even hide his sexuality from a BLIND person.
Still, I'd promised to meet him, and I still wanted to. I had, after all, liked his photo, and he didn't look all too fem in that picture, though I know enough by now not to make assumptions based on photos. Also, because of his previous horrible experiences with OTHER guys, I would have felt just awful rejecting him and adding to his low self esteem. So he got the green light to come over.
As it turns out, he was quite a nice guy, and just about everything I'd thought about him turned out to be true. He hung out for about three hours and sucked my dick like a pro for almost all of that time. In fact, he was quite outstanding. It felt like I dumped a couple gallons of cum on him by the time we finished up.
I was attracted to his photo, but since I had heard his voice before I met him, I kind of worried that he might match that voice in manner and feature when I saw him. So we met in a darkened room, but he had requested this anyway, to put himself at ease, so that was fine.
Problem being two-fold: I had wanted to be more intimate with him, but I'll admit to being attracted ONLY to average or masculine men. I can't really enjoy sucking the dick of a guy who is much less butch than I am. Shame on me, I guess, but that's how it goes. Also, I was happy that he was expressive and REALLY into my dick, yet when he had a mouthful of cock and said things like: "GOOD dick," it just didn't have the same appeal as when said by a masculine type of guy, know what I mean? I didn't lose my erection from this, but... I guess I was wishing for something that I wasn't going to get.
Later, he kept talking about how beautiful he thought my dick was. Hey, we all like to hear that. He said he wanted to see more of it, so I lit a candle. He still looked good to me in the dim, flickering light. When we were done, with the lights on, he did match his photo quite well. He even had nice blue eyes and good, strong hands. Bad haircut, but that's trivial! He didn't really mince around or anything; he wasn't a stereotypical TV queen. But that voice... oh, man... it was so, so bad... I know lesbians who sound more masculine, but I guess that's not any real stretch.
We talked a bit about his previous bad experiences. I felt sorry for him. He is not unattractive and there's no reason why anyone would not answer the door for him, assuming they haven't yet heard him speak! He told me I could have him over anytime I wanted my dick sucked and he'd be happy to oblige. He's serious, too.
I WILL invite him back, that's not much of a question. The doubts I have are if I'll ever be able to feel that necessary feeling of attracting which would get me to want to do things for HIM. I just don't see it happening, at least perhaps not to the degree he might want (though I'm not entirely certain exactly what he might want or expect in the future at this point).
If I were to tell him I don't want to see him anymore, not only will this devastate him emotionally, just because he has been rejected so many times before, but it would be unfair to both of us, I think: I've got the dick he wants, and I certainly want to experience his hot mouth again.
So... how to go about it without insulting him? I don't want to be selfish and just use him for sex, but in essence, he WANTS to be used for sex -- he is a perfect submissive cocksucker who gets off on pleasing a nice dick.
I feel a little embarrassed to say so, but I could not go out in public with this fella. I sure can't see myself dating him, but that's not even a consideration: you guys know I'm not looking for that. So what's the harm in some private fun? Will it give him the wrong idea, even though I made myself clear about dating and all of that kind of stuff? I guess I'll find out what he expects given time, but I think we're on the same page, though I've certainly been wrong about that before!
Granted, most of the time he can't say much since my dick is shoved WAY down the back of his throat (one of the first GOOD deepthroaters I've had in a long time, too). But even his moans and sighs of pleasure are just... so... fem. Oy...
I guess I can deal with it. I think mostly I was just REALLY shocked or surprised. I didn't expect THIS level of "gayspeak." If I saw this dude out in public, I'd look at him. I would probably think maybe he's gay, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it -- unless I heard him talk, in which case I'd fork over every dollar I had to the nearest bookie.
As long as he doesn't get carried away emotionally, I think I can accept it. Just a bit of a let down. I have nothing against fem guys, I'm simply not turned on by them.
Is this hypocritical of me in some way I'm not seeing? Or should I just shut up myself and consequently shut HIM up with my dick and have a good time?
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