Appreciate the fun analysis, there, Cane, but no... I am not seeking "IT" or "HIM" in any way whatsoever.
Since I've discussed this here many times, I see no need to get exceptionally long-winded about it again. Suffice to say that I am very much in tune with my inner self and I fully understand my needs and desires at this time. While I am a human being and subject to the same battles between Id, Ego and Superego as everyone else, I find no clues which tell me I am looking for anything more than sex.
I DO desire more intimate sexual encounters from time to time, though -- but admittedly, the vast majority of experiences for me are satisfying enough. There was no hidden agenda or hope or dream here -- I just liked the guy's face. He has a look that I find appealing and I would have enjoyed kissing him and/or being more active in reciprocation, though I always fall back into my more dominant role, but that's just my own personal sexual style which hasn't changed in many years.
Once in a great while I'll have a dream about holding a guy and enjoy the intimacy found there in this dream state, but these are few and far between. I'd be lying if I said I never get lonely -- yet these moments of loneliness are fleeting at best. In all honesty, I'd say I'm quite content at least 95% of the time.
I DO think to the future, however, and I DO desire a partner at some point in my life. It's just not that time right now. Right now, what I'd like is a buddy or two who hangs out with me for some good sex, a guy with whom I share a mutual attraction -- and a guy who gets the hell OUT of here after we spill a few loads of semen. I know... FAT CHANCE! Greedy, too. I'm aware of that. "I'm into you, buddy, thanks for the great time, now I need to chill out alone on my sofa and watch a DVD. Bye." Good luck with that! Most men want much more -- and I understand that and don't blame them.
The thing is, I see a lot of people REALLY reaching to find partners or even various guys to date. I never have done this and I doubt I ever will. If I ever meet someone and I get a feeling from him that maybe there can be something more, I'm quite sure I'll know it. And if I'm limiting myself or detracting from this possible outcome by JUST having sex -- well, then clearly the time isn't right. If my present actions preclude me getting to know someone, I'm obviously doing it for a reason: I don't have that desire right now.
There's this annoying, whining young kid I sometimes see in chat. He talks about how badly he wants a boyfriend to go do things with, yet all the other chatters in his clique always ask him what happened to the LAST boyfriend they thought he was dating. He goes from man to man and isn't satisfied. So there's someone who dates and TRIES to find a partner to no avail. He's FAR more miserable than I'll ever be -- and he's rude and nasty because of his unfulfilled desires.
I've discovered that life has a way of balancing things out quite nicely. Even the worst of situations have their purpose. My ex leaving me turned out to be the best thing, in the end, and after much heartache. When my needs become great, I'll know it. This doesn't mean I'll actively TRY to find someone who can fill those needs, but I'll bet big bucks that if I take it day to day, that balancing act will ultimately fill any void.
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