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CRUISING for SEX - View Single Post - How to find the right guy?
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Old 10th July 2004, 04:24 PM
ScruffyCub's Avatar
ScruffyCub
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 400

See a post I'm going to write in a few minutes in the Gay forum which relates to this situation... a bit.

Twenty-four years old technically makes you a grown man. Why do you have to account to anyone for what you do or where you go?

If you are going to arrange to meet another man at a given time, why can't you just tell your roomies that morning or whenever that you feel like heading out for a while that evening and you won't be home. You're going to have a drink somewhere and relax. You want to sit in the park and watch the sunset. You need to go to the library and browse around until they close (9 PM for large branches, wouldn't you think?), you are going to take a drive somewhere, unwind and listen to music, you are going to grab dinner with a friend from work, you simply don't feel like being trapped in the house (it's SUMMER) and want to spend the evening alone with your thoughts.

There's a million possible things you can say -- and NO acceptable reason why you can't do what you want to do -- whether it happens to be sucking dick or ANYTHING else you feel like doing. Unless you signed a legal contract with your roomies which states that each of you must account to the others for every action you take and every place you go, your life is still your OWN.

Going out on a limb here... I think you're making your own excuses simply because you're afraid and/or not ready for this. It's easier to blame the roomies, isn't it? Still, you are a horny young man and you want to experiment. You are taking a situation that is not complicated and making it so, for the sake of easing your conscience. "I CAN'T do this, I'm restrained and precluded from having my own life because of OTHERS. I guess it isn't my fault and I cannot be blamed for my own inaction."

Is that on the money at all?

If the "excuses" listed above don't fit your life, for example, you don't own your own vehicle or never go to the library, make up an "excuse" that DOES fit your life.

Even with a partner of fourteen years, we understood that each of us needed some time apart. If my ex was tired after a long day at work but I wanted to go out and enjoy a beautiful summer night, I simply told him I needed to get away for a few hours. Had he refused to "allow" me time to myself, I'd have left him long before he ever left me! To give him credit where it's due -- at least he had the common sense and understanding to know that I was not obligated to spend every minute of the day with him. And frankly, he enjoyed his free time alone at home, as evidenced by the massive downloads of pornography he'd accumulate while I was gone!

And finally, some practical advice that doesn't psychoanalyze you:

You say you've tried various websites. Well... TRY AGAIN! Just because no one has yet been able to accommodate a certain time frame right now doesn't mean they won't be able to do so in the future.

Furthermore, while I always think it is best to be honest with men when making online contacts, you may wish to consider conveniently leaving out the information which tells them you've only sucked dick once so far (if this is indeed how you went about placing your ad). To be frank, I get messages ALL the time from newbies who want to suck me off, guys who tell me they've done it once or twice and want to "practice" on me. I'm not into it. I want a man who has experience, who is GAY and not questioning or bisexual, and who has pleased many dicks in his day. I HAVE met with guys who have little to no experience, and with two notable exceptions, ALL of them bored the hell out of me. So I simply don't go that way anymore. Other men may feel the same. But also you need to remember that this is not true of everyone. LOTS of guys would be excited and delighted to meet with a first-timer. So try it both ways and see what you get.

You have to be a bit more flexible, though. I can understand if it might not be possible for you to leave your home at midnight and go meet someone -- but not every guy out there is going to be able to fit you in at exactly the perfect time for YOU. Compromise, dude. Stop saying "I can't," and justifying it by blaming your roomies and your living situation.

Oh, yeah. You live in San Francisco. Plenty of dick in that town, dude. And plenty of it is deadly dick, too. Please be very careful.
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