The Cruising Handbook is surprisingly vague on this subject, much to our mutual dismay.
Truthfully, there isn't much that can be done about this -- your own suggestions for moving away or asking someone else to leave pretty much cover the bases, along with Matt's description of sending out some serious negative vibes to an intruder in the hopes that he gets the message.
See, the problem is one that crops up in daily life over and over and over: some people are just FUCKING STUPID. How many serious world crises could be eliminated if more people had a working brain? I sometimes laugh when I see some of these stories on the news -- idiocy more often than not tends to be the bottom line reason for almost everything outrageous that goes on.
It's really sad. A guy died during Hurricane Charley because he stepped outside to SMOKE during the most intense part of the storm. He's dead, and it seems horrible to poke fun at the recently deceased, but it's quite clear that this man was an imbecile. Doesn't mean he DESERVED to die -- just means that if he had a brain he'd still be alive. Wouldn't a sane person weight the options? Is it better to have a cigarette in my house and maybe stink it up for a few hours, or go outside and get killed? I mean... come on!
My ONLY cruising spot is filled with these kinds of guys. In fact, I went there last night only to turn around and head home again when I saw "Jerkoff's" vehicle in the parking lot. Of course I've made sure I know what he drives so I can avoid being around him at all costs. This asshole will NEVER allow anyone any bit of privacy. He seems to think that if two guys want to get together, it is his right to watch or be included. And if he can't get those things, he'll simply stay where he is and make sure that NO ONE has any fun. He draws attention to himself, to everyone else, and to the area in general. He breaks every cruising rule of etiquette. I can't tell you how much this man annoys me. He will stay firmly rooted until it is so late that no one is going to show up anymore.
Doesn't he ever wonder why guys arrive and then leave over and over again every time he's there?
And here's the kicker... He's been doing this for over three years now. I never had any interest in him whatsoever, and his behavior turned me off so much that I simply couldn't imagine myself getting involved with him. But one night, a guy I REALLY wanted to see showed up, then left when he saw the lurker. I stayed around for a while, as I know the guy who left usually comes back after a time. It was just me and the lurker, and I thought I'd see if I could get rid of him. I figured... may as well shove my dick in his mouth. Maybe he'll jerk off while sucking me, feel satisfied, then go home, leaving me alone to wait for my buddy. What a HUGE mistake this was on my part. As it turns out, this guy was horrible at sucking dick. All this fancy-schmancy tongue work that just went NOWHERE. Shallow strokes, tight pressure, and stopping EVERY ten seconds to do more poppers (LITERALLY ever ten seconds, it was ridiculous -- no one needs THAT much poppers).
Suffice to say, I didn't get off, he didn't get off, and it was ME who was forced to walk away and put an end to this attack on my dick!
Even worse... the next few times I ran into him, he thought I was interested still. Man, did I really fuck this one up! But after rejecting him several times since, he's got the picture now and leaves me alone, though he still won't give up his spot or allow anyone any privacy.
For me, the BEST thing to do is walk away. This works MOST of the time, but as we all know... it is not foolproof. When left with few options, however... at least you can try.
Sometimes walking away results in YOU being alone and the guy you were with staying with the intruder. OOPS! That's a kick in the ass, but again, not much that can be done.
I've said things a few times, but I try to avoid this if at all possible. If a guy is cruising just ME and I have no interest, and he's exhibiting troll behavior, I WILL say something every time. I've chased away a few in bookstores like that. I'll start out politely but get completely rude if pressed by a guy who doesn't get the hint. But in situations where someone is intruding on me and someone else... it's harder to be rude, at least for me.
One reason is because, as Matt described, you never know for sure what the guy you are with might want. You may want to chase someone away, but your buddy might want more company. You take a risk of being left out if you are not in agreement with each other.
The best solution, for me, is to wait it out. STOP what you are doing. Move away, distance yourself politely. Reject any further advances in whatever way you can. If your buddy is tenacious and wants to wait it out with you, he'll stick around, or give you some sort of cue that if he leaves, he'll come back later. He may or may not follow through. Usually the interloper gets the idea and gives up after a while. If you both zip up and walk away... that's a pretty clear indication that you don't want company.
But again... even the best indicators can be disregarded by the dim-witted individuals who are out there.
Maybe suggesting to the dude that he go smoke a cigarette during a hurricane would be good...
I'd say avoid violence at all costs, of course. And try to stay as polite as you possibly can. We are all aware of our cruising reputation -- words gets around if you act like an asshole, so be nice. But stand firm and hold your ground.
Seriously, I think this is part of cruising that we just have to deal with. We can't force perfection for every encounter, and while it is EXTREMELY frustrating, we have to understand that not everyone is aware of the "rules" or even cares about being polite. I think some men feel that cruising is filthy and disgusting and that anything goes at any time -- that anyone who is cruising MUST accept whatever comes their way simply for the fact that they are engaging in this activity. This, of course, is bullshit -- but you can't unring a bell. If these guys believe this... they are going to force their way into any situation they see which intrigues them.
This is pure troll behavior at its worst. If they are eighteen years old or ninety-two, they're a troll. Our only consolation is that THEY have to live with this label because of their actions. Sadly, most of them don't know it or don't even care.
Bummer.
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