I've misplaced my cruising handbook and can't recall how to deal with guys that horn in. I'm sure anyone that's done much cruising at all knows what it's like to be haveing a perfectly good time with a guy when a 3rd guy walks up and wants to horn in on the action. Sometimes another guy joining in is OK if the guy is someone you'd have sex with anyway but most times the guy horning in is someone you'd never have sex with in a million years. Moving to another location doesn't always work. Telling them to go the fuck away doesn't always work either. Guys that horn in are a persistent lot.

Is it the desperation of not being able to find a willing sex partner on your own that drives men to horn in?

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One of the HOTTEST guys EVER arrived at my favorite arcade and was clearly there to get off. He walked to a dark corner and I followed. I jumped into a booth hoping he would take the clue and join me. He didn't. So I walked back out and we started playing. This guy is nothing short of amazing and I was having a great time deep throating this PERFECT cock and running my hands all over his tight torso. Within a few moments, a third guy came back and started nibbling on the hunk's neck and chewing on his nipples. That was okay. Then another guy came back and started moving in on the hunk's dick with his hand, trying to jack him while I was still on my knees sucking him. The new guy was disgusting and his hand was filthy. I kept trying to push it away, saying "I don't need to taste your hand, dude", but he persisted. The hunk was on another planet and just enjoyed being worshiped, no matter who it was. He didn't care about anything except being pleasured. I took it for as long as I could and finally stood up and pushed the dirty guy away with my body, trying to take his place. I started jacking the hunk and within a few seconds he started shooting. I got back down in front of him and tried to lap up as much of his cherry-juice tasting spunk as I could. The filthy fucker stained what could have been an A+ experience and whenever I think of that hunk, I also think of the intruder who couldn't take direction.

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The Cruising Handbook is surprisingly vague on this subject, much to our mutual dismay.

Truthfully, there isn't much that can be done about this -- your own suggestions for moving away or asking someone else to leave pretty much cover the bases, along with Matt's description of sending out some serious negative vibes to an intruder in the hopes that he gets the message.

See, the problem is one that crops up in daily life over and over and over: some people are just FUCKING STUPID. How many serious world crises could be eliminated if more people had a working brain? I sometimes laugh when I see some of these stories on the news -- idiocy more often than not tends to be the bottom line reason for almost everything outrageous that goes on.

It's really sad. A guy died during Hurricane Charley because he stepped outside to SMOKE during the most intense part of the storm. He's dead, and it seems horrible to poke fun at the recently deceased, but it's quite clear that this man was an imbecile. Doesn't mean he DESERVED to die -- just means that if he had a brain he'd still be alive. Wouldn't a sane person weight the options? Is it better to have a cigarette in my house and maybe stink it up for a few hours, or go outside and get killed? I mean... come on!

My ONLY cruising spot is filled with these kinds of guys. In fact, I went there last night only to turn around and head home again when I saw "Jerkoff's" vehicle in the parking lot. Of course I've made sure I know what he drives so I can avoid being around him at all costs. This asshole will NEVER allow anyone any bit of privacy. He seems to think that if two guys want to get together, it is his right to watch or be included. And if he can't get those things, he'll simply stay where he is and make sure that NO ONE has any fun. He draws attention to himself, to everyone else, and to the area in general. He breaks every cruising rule of etiquette. I can't tell you how much this man annoys me. He will stay firmly rooted until it is so late that no one is going to show up anymore.

Doesn't he ever wonder why guys arrive and then leave over and over again every time he's there?

And here's the kicker... He's been doing this for over three years now. I never had any interest in him whatsoever, and his behavior turned me off so much that I simply couldn't imagine myself getting involved with him. But one night, a guy I REALLY wanted to see showed up, then left when he saw the lurker. I stayed around for a while, as I know the guy who left usually comes back after a time. It was just me and the lurker, and I thought I'd see if I could get rid of him. I figured... may as well shove my dick in his mouth. Maybe he'll jerk off while sucking me, feel satisfied, then go home, leaving me alone to wait for my buddy. What a HUGE mistake this was on my part. As it turns out, this guy was horrible at sucking dick. All this fancy-schmancy tongue work that just went NOWHERE. Shallow strokes, tight pressure, and stopping EVERY ten seconds to do more poppers (LITERALLY ever ten seconds, it was ridiculous -- no one needs THAT much poppers).

Suffice to say, I didn't get off, he didn't get off, and it was ME who was forced to walk away and put an end to this attack on my dick!

Even worse... the next few times I ran into him, he thought I was interested still. Man, did I really fuck this one up! But after rejecting him several times since, he's got the picture now and leaves me alone, though he still won't give up his spot or allow anyone any privacy.

For me, the BEST thing to do is walk away. This works MOST of the time, but as we all know... it is not foolproof. When left with few options, however... at least you can try.

Sometimes walking away results in YOU being alone and the guy you were with staying with the intruder. OOPS! That's a kick in the ass, but again, not much that can be done.

I've said things a few times, but I try to avoid this if at all possible. If a guy is cruising just ME and I have no interest, and he's exhibiting troll behavior, I WILL say something every time. I've chased away a few in bookstores like that. I'll start out politely but get completely rude if pressed by a guy who doesn't get the hint. But in situations where someone is intruding on me and someone else... it's harder to be rude, at least for me.

One reason is because, as Matt described, you never know for sure what the guy you are with might want. You may want to chase someone away, but your buddy might want more company. You take a risk of being left out if you are not in agreement with each other.

The best solution, for me, is to wait it out. STOP what you are doing. Move away, distance yourself politely. Reject any further advances in whatever way you can. If your buddy is tenacious and wants to wait it out with you, he'll stick around, or give you some sort of cue that if he leaves, he'll come back later. He may or may not follow through. Usually the interloper gets the idea and gives up after a while. If you both zip up and walk away... that's a pretty clear indication that you don't want company.

But again... even the best indicators can be disregarded by the dim-witted individuals who are out there.

Maybe suggesting to the dude that he go smoke a cigarette during a hurricane would be good...

I'd say avoid violence at all costs, of course. And try to stay as polite as you possibly can. We are all aware of our cruising reputation -- words gets around if you act like an asshole, so be nice. But stand firm and hold your ground.

Seriously, I think this is part of cruising that we just have to deal with. We can't force perfection for every encounter, and while it is EXTREMELY frustrating, we have to understand that not everyone is aware of the "rules" or even cares about being polite. I think some men feel that cruising is filthy and disgusting and that anything goes at any time -- that anyone who is cruising MUST accept whatever comes their way simply for the fact that they are engaging in this activity. This, of course, is bullshit -- but you can't unring a bell. If these guys believe this... they are going to force their way into any situation they see which intrigues them.

This is pure troll behavior at its worst. If they are eighteen years old or ninety-two, they're a troll. Our only consolation is that THEY have to live with this label because of their actions. Sadly, most of them don't know it or don't even care.

Bummer.

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It's been my limited experience that unwanted guys horn in on "our" action simply because it pisses us off to know we are powerless, for the most part, to do anything about it. In many instances, what we are talking about is a form of turf war that takes place on a regular basis. We've seen these turf wars take place for the most stupid reasons.

Let's face it. We can be very territorial creatures when it comes to cruising for sex. Some of us can be very dogmatic about marking our cruising territory with our manscent. Should an undesired creature violate our territory, we can be very quick and sometimes vicious to discourage the trespassing interloper.

Simply put, there are no social rules of cruising ettiquette that are univerally observed by anyone. It is probably far better to acknowledge the jungle than to pretend it doesn't exist. The unwanted guy who horns in on our action doesn't pretend the jungle doesn't exist, so he goes about his business knowing it is every man for himself and doesn't give a damn whose leg has been lifted and their scent deposited on some tree stump.

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Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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I play at a local ABS from time to time. This place has more than its share of offbeat cruisers exhibiting perplexing behaviors.

What never ceases to amaze me are the guys who refuse to make eye contact with you, but when they see you enter a booth with a guy to have fun, they'll stand outside the booth and rattle the door every few seconds, most times all the time you are in the booth together. But come out and they'll not have anything to do with you until you hook up with another guy.

There are a couple of guys that don't get the "no eye contact" message. I mean, they walk up to you, get in your face and start talking about what they saw you do with another guy and want to know if you want to do it with them. Top it off, they don't whisper, but use normal to loud tone of voice. Telling them you are taking a break, etc. has no effect.

Too many times, I have seen some guys I could have had fun with get run off by idiotic behavior on the part of other cruisers. I've left several times myself when the cruising climate got too negative.

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If you're playing in an area where other men can easily observe your actions, then being horned in on is a chance you take. If you want private, one-on-one action, go to a private location.

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Always looking for a JO buddy

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I am so glad that this topic has come up. I need to vent. There is a guy at the local ABS here who is about 90 years old. He comes in EVERY night (at least when I am there). He wears a jacket, and hides a nasty bra underneath to put on. He wears garters and pantyhose as well. He will change into his garb in front of all of us, and even stuff his bra with paper towels. After he is prepped, he sticks his flacid penis in the faces of anybody seated in the theater. OVER and OVER and OVER again. He did it to me one night for a half an hour straight, and ignored my repeated requests to be left alone. I moved from chair to chair to try to avoid him, but he still persisted. Even after I yelled at him... "Get the FUCK away," he still bothered me. I so wanted to kick his ass, but I thought that wasn't so classy. (Is class requisite for cruising?) I just leave when he shows up now, and call it a day. He will be there for the rest of the night.

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It looks like being aggressive is the real answer. Rip of the guy's toup or push him out of the way.

The real problem is that nobody has equal I.Qs. It's very clear to me that these guys who have NO talent at servicing another guy and who insist on hanging around watching or leering or just being annoying aren't getting the subtle messages we send. When you have a guy like that you have to be bold and make some sort of statement or a move that will send the message, because clearly, these guys aren't smart enough to get a message sent by a look or a simple brush of the hand.

It's amazing to me that Dopey has it together enough to even find the venue, let alone know what it's being used for.

I'm guessing Scruffy and I have been cruising for about the same amount of time because I can absolutely relate to every experience he described in his last comment. I've had to put up with ALL of those guys and EVERY one of the situtations.

It's time to take control and affect change

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The ABS encounter I hinted at earlier involved this incredibly obese dude who would not leave me alone. It's hard to describe what he did, but he gave the impression to OTHERS that I was interested in HIM -- and everyone else kind of backed away from both of us, seemingly repulsed.

Now, look... not only was this guy obese to the point of being grotesque, but he was pretty much a slob, too. And obnoxious. I COMPLETELY support EVERYONE'S "right" to go to an ABS or any cruising venue they please. Old men need some stimulation, too. Fat guys as well. And just because we are not attracted to everyone there doesn't mean we have to be rude to them. Those who are into twinks would have ZERO interest in ME at a bookstore -- and that's just fine. But when you start forcing yourself on a person who has clearly expressed disinterest, you've become a troll no matter what you look like or how old you are.

I tried all the standard stuff discussed here with this annoying big dude. I avoided him politely. I did not make eye contact. I kept moving away. At one point I locked myself in a booth and stayed there for twenty minutes, tossing away a multitude of tokens -- and when I opened the door, here was RIGHT THE FUCK THERE again. I moved to a NEW booth -- he followed. Same scene again. I hid inside, came out -- there he is, just waiting. Eventually he did something -- I think he may have reached out to try to touch me. And then I lost it. This had gone on for about an hour by this point. I don't remember what it was that I said, but I know I said it LOUDLY. In most ABSs, voices don't go much higher than a whisper, so everyone easily heard me. I was extremely rude to this guy. Usually, I would feel guilty about doing this sort of thing, but enough was enough. I would have felt sorry for him, because of his weight, and probably I would have just left on my own, if only he'd simply been cruising me in a polite way. But he was absurdly and blatantly steadfast in his troll-ness. I told him off, I was loud and rotten about it... and HE was the one who left. Several dudes smiled at me after he'd gone, but I was so bothered by the whole thing that I didn't enjoy the rest of my time there even after his exit.

I can't advocate this kind of behavior -- my own, I mean. I think it is wise in most cases to simply try to give out the right signals -- and if that fails, just be polite and actually TELL someone you are not going to be interested. If all this fails -- you may have to leave on your own.

In retrospect, I wonder just how badly I hurt the guy's feelings, if at all. His ignorance and his stalking were unforgivable, but at the same time, shouldn't I have been above that kind of stupid scene? Did he CARE what I said to him, and think about it later? Would he change his style next time around because he'd been called out on it? Or would the fact that he was obviously so dense to start with mean that he just wouldn't get it no matter what?

The thing is... it doesn't really matter. It's not up to me or you or anyone to try to change the cruising habits of others to best suit our own beliefs.

Sam said it simply and said it best: cruising is an activity that will expose us to all sorts of things -- we need to be ready to accept that we are not in a private situation and sometimes things just won't work out as we'd hoped they might.

Yet there IS a fine line boundary of accepted cruising etiquette. It's just that not everyone knows it, understands it, or CARES about it.

The BEST thing to do, in my opinion, is to be polite as often as possible. Earn your own reputation. In the case of the old TV who was shoving his dick in this guy's face over and over -- well, sometimes really serious breaches of etiquette call for drastic measures. But it's easy to fly off the handle when we're dealing with a 90 year old dude who is wearing a stuffed bra. If it had been a six foot five inch tall two-hundred and sixty-five pound guy who happened to be an ethnicity we might not find appealing -- well, we wouldn't say or do anything OTHER than leave for ourselves, would we?

There's many ways to be obnoxious when cruising, too. It isn't just restricted to bookstores and blatant sexual displays.

Remember I was whining a few weeks ago about how guys don't seem to follow anyone in their vehicles anymore, moving to a safer location, etc.? Well, I had to open my big mouth!

I pulled into a cruising area last week. A guy was leaving, walking to his car. I hadn't even left my vehicle yet. He stares at me for a long time, then gets in his car and sits there. I figured that if I got out of my own vehicle, he'd follow me. So I decide to drive away for a while and return later. I would have been screwed either way. This dude immediately starts to follow me in his car. I wasn't interested, but admittedly momentarily flattered. However, this asshole doesn't just follow me around -- he tailgates me something fierce.

Pushy cruisers... can't stand them. But there is probably nothing that gets me truly pissed off more than a tailgater. Being a pushy cruiser AND a tailgater... this guy pushed the limits of being a total rectum.

The highway was two lanes: one in each direction. No place to turn for several miles. Ultimately, since I know the area like the back of my hand, I made a fast move into a parking lot after this tailgating went on for about four miles. The dude was so close behind me that he missed the first entrance, but then immediately turned into the second driveway. I was about ready to get park, get out of my vehicle, and give him a few choice words, but thought better of it.

I just pulled out again and turned in the same direction from which I had been driving previously, so he knew I wasn't using the lot to make a U-turn, but to avoid him instead. He DID get the message, though, and left me alone. Yet he also went back to my cruising area and stayed there all night, so I was out of luck.

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If you have been cruising for any length of time , you have had this problem. But to play "devil's advocate" what do you do when the best looking dude in the place wants to join in the fun ?
The difference between the two gents is their perception of themselves. If one does not like to be watched or have someone join in, go to a private place.

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Ask. That's what I always do. If I see a couple or more playing together, and approach, I'll always pull out my dick and jack it a little so they will know I'm not a cop, and then ask. "Is this a private party or may I join you?"

If you cannot take rejection, you don't need to be in the cruising business, whether in bookstores, tearooms, cruising spots, or online.

Everyone has preferences. I have preferences, and so do all of you. If someone doesn't prefer me, then I need to move on and find someone who does. And sooner or later, sometimes sooner, sometimes much later, I find that person.

We need to respect others' preferences.

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A week ago I went to my favorite place - a full size theater only showing straight and gay XXX films, but mostly just for cruising. At one time it was a great place, but lately not very good. The crowds have thinned and the variety and availability of some sex has gone way down. When there were plenty of guys and plenty of action, having someone or a few guys gather around was acceptable to everyone. Now, however, there are far fewer guys.

This last night three or four trannies came in and as each walked up to a dark corner of the theater it looked like most of the other patrons practically ran up to join in or watch. Whatever, I was not going to be one of them, but it burned me up.

Without some decorum, I did not intend to be part of the crowd hoping to get a piece of the action. In earlier times the sex was not in a dark corner and was very open to anyone who wanted to watch. Sometimes to join in if it seemed ok to the original twosome. There were more opportunities, but now with the mob scenes there will soon be fewer yet.

I was kind of amazed that the trannies were willing to walk in a put up with this crowd. They did, but did not stay too long. Those that got mobbed were actually pretty bad looking as women. Only one, who came in late, and was actually good looking as a TV, did not get mobbed.She was with a guy who might of already gotten some comittment to go out as they both left.

The actual physically pushing one's way into a party sounds really gross to me and I think that it would just end any desire I had and end it in a hurry. I don't mind watching, but would mind getting into situations like those above.

One more gripe. I don't like guys who hang around or walk around and make no effort to indicate their desires or attention. I am too inexperienced to read minds, so need some direction or encouragement. Standing slouced against the wall, staring into space does not count as showing your intentions.

George

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