The ABS encounter I hinted at earlier involved this incredibly obese dude who would not leave me alone. It's hard to describe what he did, but he gave the impression to OTHERS that I was interested in HIM -- and everyone else kind of backed away from both of us, seemingly repulsed.
Now, look... not only was this guy obese to the point of being grotesque, but he was pretty much a slob, too. And obnoxious. I COMPLETELY support EVERYONE'S "right" to go to an ABS or any cruising venue they please. Old men need some stimulation, too. Fat guys as well. And just because we are not attracted to everyone there doesn't mean we have to be rude to them. Those who are into twinks would have ZERO interest in ME at a bookstore -- and that's just fine. But when you start forcing yourself on a person who has clearly expressed disinterest, you've become a troll no matter what you look like or how old you are.
I tried all the standard stuff discussed here with this annoying big dude. I avoided him politely. I did not make eye contact. I kept moving away. At one point I locked myself in a booth and stayed there for twenty minutes, tossing away a multitude of tokens -- and when I opened the door, here was RIGHT THE FUCK THERE again. I moved to a NEW booth -- he followed. Same scene again. I hid inside, came out -- there he is, just waiting. Eventually he did something -- I think he may have reached out to try to touch me. And then I lost it. This had gone on for about an hour by this point. I don't remember what it was that I said, but I know I said it LOUDLY. In most ABSs, voices don't go much higher than a whisper, so everyone easily heard me. I was extremely rude to this guy. Usually, I would feel guilty about doing this sort of thing, but enough was enough. I would have felt sorry for him, because of his weight, and probably I would have just left on my own, if only he'd simply been cruising me in a polite way. But he was absurdly and blatantly steadfast in his troll-ness. I told him off, I was loud and rotten about it... and HE was the one who left. Several dudes smiled at me after he'd gone, but I was so bothered by the whole thing that I didn't enjoy the rest of my time there even after his exit.
I can't advocate this kind of behavior -- my own, I mean. I think it is wise in most cases to simply try to give out the right signals -- and if that fails, just be polite and actually TELL someone you are not going to be interested. If all this fails -- you may have to leave on your own.
In retrospect, I wonder just how badly I hurt the guy's feelings, if at all. His ignorance and his stalking were unforgivable, but at the same time, shouldn't I have been above that kind of stupid scene? Did he CARE what I said to him, and think about it later? Would he change his style next time around because he'd been called out on it? Or would the fact that he was obviously so dense to start with mean that he just wouldn't get it no matter what?
The thing is... it doesn't really matter. It's not up to me or you or anyone to try to change the cruising habits of others to best suit our own beliefs.
Sam said it simply and said it best: cruising is an activity that will expose us to all sorts of things -- we need to be ready to accept that we are not in a private situation and sometimes things just won't work out as we'd hoped they might.
Yet there IS a fine line boundary of accepted cruising etiquette. It's just that not everyone knows it, understands it, or CARES about it.
The BEST thing to do, in my opinion, is to be polite as often as possible. Earn your own reputation. In the case of the old TV who was shoving his dick in this guy's face over and over -- well, sometimes really serious breaches of etiquette call for drastic measures. But it's easy to fly off the handle when we're dealing with a 90 year old dude who is wearing a stuffed bra. If it had been a six foot five inch tall two-hundred and sixty-five pound guy who happened to be an ethnicity we might not find appealing -- well, we wouldn't say or do anything OTHER than leave for ourselves, would we?
There's many ways to be obnoxious when cruising, too. It isn't just restricted to bookstores and blatant sexual displays.
Remember I was whining a few weeks ago about how guys don't seem to follow anyone in their vehicles anymore, moving to a safer location, etc.? Well, I had to open my big mouth!
I pulled into a cruising area last week. A guy was leaving, walking to his car. I hadn't even left my vehicle yet. He stares at me for a long time, then gets in his car and sits there. I figured that if I got out of my own vehicle, he'd follow me. So I decide to drive away for a while and return later. I would have been screwed either way. This dude immediately starts to follow me in his car. I wasn't interested, but admittedly momentarily flattered. However, this asshole doesn't just follow me around -- he tailgates me something fierce.
Pushy cruisers... can't stand them. But there is probably nothing that gets me truly pissed off more than a tailgater. Being a pushy cruiser AND a tailgater... this guy pushed the limits of being a total rectum.
The highway was two lanes: one in each direction. No place to turn for several miles. Ultimately, since I know the area like the back of my hand, I made a fast move into a parking lot after this tailgating went on for about four miles. The dude was so close behind me that he missed the first entrance, but then immediately turned into the second driveway. I was about ready to get park, get out of my vehicle, and give him a few choice words, but thought better of it.
I just pulled out again and turned in the same direction from which I had been driving previously, so he knew I wasn't using the lot to make a U-turn, but to avoid him instead. He DID get the message, though, and left me alone. Yet he also went back to my cruising area and stayed there all night, so I was out of luck.
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