[LONG. Written for the poster, not edited to appease the masses who have no interest in reading this.]

OK, then. Well, you've certainly managed to provide a ton of information here. Seems like you prefer to be ASKED about yourself before you volunteer stuff, huh? This may be something to keep in mind as it relates to your situation, now that I think about it.

First... the inflatable butt plug. What a cool idea! I dig it. Can't believe I have never seen one, to be honest. Being able to increase pressure on the prostate in such a manner certainly adds some spark to the standard, boring butt plugs of the past, huh?

So I decided to read your submission in the "Dirty Stories" section. Quite a fantasy you have going there, dude. If this is the kind of thing you are looking for IMMEDIATELY, and/or if you feel nothing else will satisfy you -- you are going to be disappointed. It won't be easy to find someone to play this out. If this is just ONE kind of fantasy, and you are OK with more generic forms of sex, then you might have more luck.

The advice your friend has given you regarding discussion with other men about what you want -- I agree with talking things through first, whenever possible, but at the same time I don't believe the entire focus should be on YOU alone. This is why I wonder if you are fixated on JUST the fantasy scene you have in mind with the male chastity belt, etc. Probably you'd be the only man in Piqua to own one of those, you know?

Generally, most guys ask the other (at least online and in social cruising locations such as bars) what he is "into," and take it from there. This leads to a discussion about what BOTH of them like best.

So if you start out right away and say you want to be restrained and put into a male chastity device, odds are good the conversation will probably tank soon after. This kind of scenario takes some time and preparation. Not everyone is going to want to put forth the effort to do this and spend an entire evening playing out this scene when they can more easily get their rocks off with ANOTHER dude down at the end of the bar who just wants to suck some dick and be done with it, you know?

I've found that the more SPECIFIC someone is when talking to me, with regard to sexual desires that they MUST have met in order to be satisfied, the less interested I am. I don't mind SOME degree of specification, if the guy enjoys it, but it all depends on what is involved. One dude wanted me to spank him one evening with a new paddle he'd purchased. I am not into this, but at the same time, I probably would have done it to please him. But he wanted this scene to take place at about 3 AM. It was too late to get into all of that. I also didn't want the sound of a leather paddle smacking ass-cheeks to wake up my neighbors upstairs. See where I'm going here?

It's give and take, man.

And while it's true that I often meet most with men who want to suck my dick -- they STILL get what they want. There IS something in it for them: sucking dick is what they desire most. BEING sucked is what I want most. We both leave happy. Even the most extreme fetishes involve BOTH people getting what they want out of the deal. The only time sex is not mutually satisfying is when it is simply BAD -- or in cases of rape, obviously.

Regardless, I do not close myself off to guys who want something in addition to just sucking my dick. I always make it clear that if they desire something else, it is in their best interest to ASK. If it's safe sex, odds are good I'm into it, provided there is a necessary mutual attraction between us.

So move the focus from JUST you to the BOTH of you. This will help. Try to consider things OTHER than just your hottest fantasies. Dude, there are some of us who have been around the block many, many times -- and we haven't yet had a chance to explore all our fantasies, either. It takes time; don't rush it. And be understanding of another guy's limits and desires: he may want to indulge in some PARTS of your fantasies, but not all. TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET!

As for your two experiences thus far... I can see why you might feel disappointed. Shit, man! The dude had you HELP HIM MOVE? That's a lot of fucking nerve. Fuck, Seinfeld had a TWO PART episode about the code of male conduct when it comes to asking someone to move! This isn't something you ask someone you've just met.

When I moved a couple years ago, my ex (thankfully) helped me move about five of the largest pieces of furniture. One day he was supposed to be here to help and never showed, never called. Fuck it. I did it ALL myself. In a pickup truck, no less. I remember the last day of my move, I was so fucked up and tired that I was physically tingling. I'm eating crappy Taco Bell at 4 AM, starving and exhausted, feeling like I just took a hit of acid. But I'll tell ya -- I sure never considered asking a cocksucker buddy of mine to come over and assemble my waterbed! That' just too much. The fact that your dude was "always busy" after you helped him move really makes him stand out as an asshole extraordinaire.

Anyway, that's just a rant.

Sometimes it just doesn't work out, as you discovered. Don't sweat that.

Funny, isn't it? All these folks out there are thinking just how EASY it is for us gay dudes to get sex, blindly believing a stereotype. OK... I'll admit... it IS much easier than it may be for some straight folks, but... we have to work at it, too. Unless you've found a really good glory hole somewhere... plan on some rotten encounters and failed attempts.

Can't do much about your geographical location, I'll give you that. Travel to other towns is your only option there, except for maybe finding some local guys online. However...

Have you considered OTHER cruising venues BESIDES bars? If you want to get your feet wet, go find a bookstore for some anonymous sex. It really doesn't get any easier than a bookstore, dude. Bars generally include all that... TALKING. Ugh. Is there a bathhouse near you? You can certainly even get the rest you need before heading home if you are at the tubs...

The thing is... even though anonymous sex IS easier, and probably you won't have much difficulty finding some dick or a hot mouth, this doesn't appeal to everyone. Understood. But it's a suggestion, at least.

Also... you WILL get rejected EVERYWHERE. Just because a bookstore or a bathhouse is "easier" doesn't mean you will get what you want EVERY time. And you will NOT be seen as attractive by every guy, every time you cruise.

Sexual rejection is NOT restricted to the gay community, of course. This is just LIFE, man. We all understand the basics here, no need to explain it all again: everyone likes something different. Sometimes sex is pretty damn BAD. Sometimes it's out of this world. Sometimes we accept mediocre sex just for the sake of getting SOMETHING. Sometimes we don't wish to accept anything less. You have to play the dumb game and NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

And this, I think, is your primary concern. You said so yourself, that sometimes you take it personally if you don't "click" with a guy.

Look, this happens to EVERYONE. It even happens to Greek-god muscle-dude gym rats. I know this because I have rejected them myself! They are NOT my type! Granted, this probably doesn't matter much to them, since most guys will jump at the chance to be with them -- but the fact remains: EVERYONE gets rejected sooner or later.

I'm nothing special, dude. That's for sure. But I'm OK. I like myself, for the most part. There's lots I'd like to fix, and I work at that. MOST of the time, I'm happy with who I am. MOST of the time I don't give a shit if someone rejects me: I chalk it up to differences in sexual taste and don't take it personally. HOWEVER, I'd be lying if I were to pretend that it NEVER bugs me. Sure it does. Sometimes I get online and I have so many guys sending me messages that it starts getting absurd. I'd rather sign off than bother with them. Other times... NO ONE talks to me for a week. If cruising the real world, the same thing can happen -- periods of time when so many guys cruise me that it becomes impossible to get together with the guy I REALLY want -- and times when I am completely ignored by just about everyone.

Oh, well, man... This is how it goes. Get used to it, dude.

Saving the "sensitive" topic for last:

Your piercings MIGHT be a consideration here, dude. You seem to already know this, so I doubt you'll be upset about that.

You certainly CAN take them out if you think you will appeal to a wider range of men without them. Or you can adopt the attitude of "fuck it," and take your chances: if someone doesn't dig you because of your piercings, you'll just find someone who DOES.

Let me be brutally honest here, since most of you know to expect nothing less from me: this is yet ANOTHER example of how a happy medium works to make life a little bit easier.

Maybe I'm completely wrong here, but I doubt it... It seems to me that most ANY extreme is a sexual turn off to the vast majority of people out there, male or female, gay or straight.

Look... I USED to be REALLY fat. It was no surprise at the time that very few dudes were into me. I had no one to blame but myself. Now, I can't be considered fat at all. I AM stocky, but not "stocky" as used commonly online as a euphemism for "fat!" SOME guys aren't into anyone who is "stocky." They want ONLY slender, skinny guys. No problem. They won't hook up with me! But MOST guys are FINE with a guy who is more or less "average." A few pounds or an imperfect body isn't a big deal to them. And of course, there are men who LIKE stocky men. I'm one of those guys. I like dudes with some meat on their bones.

Consider other examples, too... Men with REALLY long hair. Men with REALLY long beards. Men with hundreds of tattoos. Men who are extremely overweight or extremely emaciated. Men who wear seriously UGLY clothes. Men who bathe every OTHER day. Men who drink too much or smoke dope every ten minutes. Men with extreme fetishes that will not allow for satisfying sex of any sort which does NOT include their fetish. Men who are deeply into the gay "scene" (pick ANY gay scene you want, there are dozens). Men who are overly-masculine, seeming to compensate for something by pretending to be more butch than they really are. Men who are just the opposite: flaming and femme.

While there certainly are exceptions, and it IS true that there is someone who will be into each and every extreme, it is ALSO true, based on my experience and what others have shared with me, that MORE men are simply into other men who are pretty much "average."

The search for normalcy when seeking sexual partners is something that is NOT politically incorrect nor should it be discounted just because it is more "vanilla." It is, in fact, a biologically rooted part of the human condition. We spread our seed and give up our eggs to those partners we see as MOST suitable. We don't generally fuck our brothers and sisters or cousins because this will result in some deformed babies -- and that's not good for natural selection or survival of the fittest. This is all mostly accomplished on an unconscious level, though. When we are simply looking around for sex, we make compromises all the time -- so take heart at that.

The thing is, dude... I think most men would accept a happy medium when it comes to the piercings. If you have a zillion bits of metal in your face... you have to understand that not everyone will see this as attractive. And let's face it: piercings of this sort are a personal statement -- most folks with lots of piercings KNOW they are drawing attention to themselves. So you have to decide: do you still WANT this attention? Because if you do, you HAVE to accept the good with the bad. SOME dudes will LIKE it, but probably MORE will not.

What do you want more? To keep your piercings, or to appeal to a wider range of men? THAT choice is yours alone to make.

I am not into obese dudes. But I like meaty guys. I am not into drug addicts, but I don't mind if a dude has a few drinks or wants to smoke a joint now and then. I am not into a body covered in tattoos, but a few of them can be attractive. I am not into men who never bathe, but I like a guy who smells like a guy and it isn't a big deal if I meet up with him after he's had a long day at work. I'm not into muscle studs, but I sure don't mind a guy with some definition. I'm not into exploring extreme fetishes that detract from my own sexual pleasure, but I'm completely cool with indulging a few fantasies now and then, even if they aren't something I'd have thought of on my own.

You get the picture. A happy medium.

You also need to find a good happy medium when it comes to discussing potential sex with a guy. If you start out with something extreme right away, he may decide it is too much effort, or it simply may not be his cup of tea. Try for a more moderate approach, at least until you know who you are dealing with. Be willing to put aside some of the fantasy scenes and try out some basic kinds of sex. Eventually, you'll run into someone who wants to mess around with something closer to what you have in mind. And don't forget, too... quite often you need a LOT of trust and comfort with a partner to get into some heavy duty shit. People who are into serious SM/BD work at it and generally have partners who share their desires. You don't just jump in feet first. You can't expect an awful lot from a stranger EVERY time, but you just might be surprised someday.

Patience, man...

As for the old "hand on the crotch" method of saying hello that you mentioned... yes, this is acceptable... and no, it is not. It all depends on the circumstance and the place. If you do this in a bookstore or bathhouse, odds are that PROBABLY the worst that will happen is that your hand is firmly removed and you are rejected in such a manner. But if you do this in a public park and you do it to the wrong guy... let's just say that some of your piercings might be removed in a manner which is not very pleasant. So be careful. The general rule of thumb is to watch the local cruisers and do what they do, more or less. Sometimes you can be blatant -- sometimes you must be subtle. Observe. You'll figure it out.

Build up your ego: you'll need to rely on it often. Cruising isn't for those who are easily offended or take things too personally. But don't be mad at yourself if you ever feel unjustly slighted: it's OK to feel whatever you need to feel, as long as you can learn to keep those feelings on a more superficial level -- and learn from them.

Communicate your desires, but be mindful of the other guy's desires. Don't say too much at first. You need to LEARN about the other guy and at the same time, teach him about you.

Consider anonymous cruising in bookstores and baths if you want some dick and don't want to bother with additional bullshit. Just be careful.

Realize that your appearance matters -- but sexual desire ALONE should not be reason enough to change that which you LIKE about yourself. If you look in the mirror and are happy, so be it. Fuck anyone else who doesn't like how you look. But... if you're getting bored or frustrated with your piercings... get rid of some of them. See how you feel without them, if you so choose. You can certainly keep piercings that won't be seen until you take your clothes off, and which can be used for sexual play. The good thing about piercings is that you can enjoy them for as long as you want, then change your style with no effort: they come right out and heal over quickly.

And while I HATE anything "trendy," and do like to consider myself somewhat of a non-conformist, I've realized as I get older that I can retain my individuality while NOT being obnoxious about it. YOU are what is INSIDE, not what you look like outside. This is most important to remember. The sad fact is, when trying to just get your rocks off, you have to keep in mind that OTHER people FIRST see the outside. They may not be turned on by that. If they got to know you, they might not see anything BUT the man you are inside -- but this takes time, and you STILL have to get them passed their initial preconceived perceptions.

I'm betting you already knew almost all of this, but you needed someone to tell you anyway, right? Sometimes we just need some confirmation of our suspicions.

So there you go.

Hope that helps.

Good luck.

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