My Mom looks like Natalie Wood, and remains attractive today at age sixty-four.

My Dad looks a bit like Cornelius from Planet Of The Apes , so it becomes difficult to say exactly how privileged I might be in terms of appearance!

I will admit that I take after my Mom much more than my Dad, though I do NOT resemble Natalie Wood in any way. My Grandpa was not my REAL Grandpa, and I suspect it is REAL Grandpa's genes that are the more dominant ones in the family. I've never seen him, though -- Grandma apparently was a bit of a trollop in her younger years (and I rather like that posthumous fact about her).

Just goes to show you, Marco -- looks aren't everything, are they? You make claim to being a handsome man, yet you are clearly miserable.

What, exactly, are you saying here?

Have you been saving yourself for another man that you feel is equally as attractive as you believe yourself to be? Is this continual holding out the reason why you don't derive any pleasure from one night stands? Do you expect to be LOVED just because you feel you look good?

What's this talk about biting someone's dick next time you suck it? Do you want to get revenge for that which you seek but do not have?

How often have you seen your perfect man, this guy about which you fantasize? Is he out there? Have you witnessed examples of the LOOK you are most attracted to while out and about in the real world each day?

I have seen the type of man I want most. I've seen him many times, reflected in many different men who share similar physical traits which I find sexually attractive.

And speaking from experience, I know that this can be frustrating. To see something you desire but cannot have...

Just last night, I went to Winn Dixie for a tub of sour cream and spotted a very handsome little man standing alone and reading the magazines in the rack. He had a beautiful face, a hairy chest, stocky little fucker, about two inches shorter than me, masculine, bright white brand new sneakers... I walked down the aisle just to get a look at him up close. He glanced up at me, went back to his magazine. No Gaydar pings here. Bummer. Had I gotten a signal anyway, I probably wouldn't have talked to him -- I'm just not the kind of guy that would hit on another dude in the supermarket.

He stayed in my mind for half an hour. I thought about how much I'd like to see his face shoved down on my dick, and I thought I'd also very much enjoy seeing him with his pants off. But it wasn't to be.

So what?

There was no point in feeling frustrated about this. I had a nice mental image of a handsome guy in my head for a short time, then I dismissed it until just now when I thought of him again while writing this post. Probably by tomorrow I'll see someone else I like and this guy will start to fade away. That's life.

Even though I am not seeking a relationship, I do sometimes wonder exactly what kind of guy I'd want if I someday desire another partner. What concessions would I make as far as appearance is concerned? My ex wasn't EXACTLY the perfect looking guy for me. If I were drawing up a blueprint of the guy I wanted most, my ex would not be the final result. But I wasn't seeking PERFECTION with my ex -- at the time, I simply loved him. I had an attraction to him on a physical level, sure -- but this wasn't any ideal. I never wanted an ideal, either. I just enjoyed loving him -- and consequently, what he looked like didn't matter all that much.

The opposite side of that coin is that while my ex also fell in love with me at the time, I was MUCH farther removed from the type of guy HE is physically attracted to. He likes twinks. I am NOT a twink. But he loved ME, the me INSIDE.

And you know what happened. We ultimately split mostly because of sexual incompatibility: I was into him, he wasn't into me. It can't work if there isn't some attraction there in the first place. It is unfair to love someone as MORE than a friend but not be able to satisfy that personal on an intimate level.

And as things fell apart, as each of us did things to the other that were cruel or unfair or just childish -- we both lost whatever little bit of physical attraction that might have remained. For HIM, it probably wasn't much to begin with since it was hardly ever there. For me, it was a LOT. The more I started to dislike his actions, the less I found myself looking at him and thinking I wanted to make love with him.

What you see outside is usually superseded when you see the inside.

So now, when I think of a potential imaginary partner I may want someday, if I so choose, I tend to think more of the characteristics I want to see in a man's spirit more so than what I imagine he should LOOK like.

Yet at the same time, I will NEVER accept a man that is unattractive to me, and I will NEVER allow another man to love just ME inside and not be attracted to me physically as well.

While attraction fades with time, and while the vast majority of men always look at new things and enjoy sexual fantasies, if two partners share a mutual admiration that includes both the physical AND the spiritual -- they can accept the rest as just a part of life and remain in love with each other.

I have met men and found them to be EXTREMELY attractive to me, only to find out soon after that they are major assholes. When that happens, I can't see how good looking they are anymore: I see only the asshole inside, and my dick goes limp at the thought of them.

The more you focus on any one particular thing, the more likely you are to be disappointed.

You may be disappointed because you NEVER get it ALL. Or you may be disappointed because when you DO get it, you realize it wasn't what you thought it might be.

A young child craves a certain toy for his birthday. He sees the commercials on TV and it looks SO cool. It's all he can think about. On his special day, he gets the toy he wanted so much. Only to find out a week later that all the commercials were so much hype and the toy doesn't perform the way he thought it would.

So he looks at this toy, now sitting on a shelf in his room, and it still LOOKS really cool. He WISHES it were as cool as it looks. But it's not. It bores him. He goes into his closet and pulls out a toy he REALLY likes, something he's had for a long, long time. He had forgotten how much he liked this other toy. In his zeal for something new, he disregarded something that brings him joy.

I saw my ex about three weeks ago. We had to meet for about an hour to take care of some business. I had not seen him in a year prior to this.

When he arrived, he looked awful. His hair was gray, what was left of it. Gray hair is attractive to me, but my ex never allowed his hair to go gray. I helped him dye it many times. He always CARED about his appearance. Now it seems he does not. He has gained weight, and this also doesn't bother me, but he commented on how "skinny" I am now and seemed a little bit jealous that HE was now bigger than me. His eyes were glassy -- he wasn't drunk or on drugs, he was TIRED. He looked miserable. All the disgust I felt for him at various times during the course of our breakup just kind of went away, replaced with utter sadness. I felt BAD for him. He told me some personal information I won't repeat here, but it was enough to let me know he isn't doing all that well. I did my best to keep our time together restricted to the business at hand. It was difficult to see him this way.

He still loves me, I still love him. Of course I do. We shared fourteen years together. We share a hug and a kiss on the cheek when saying goodbye. I told him he can call and stop over to say hello now and then if he wants, but that I can't be "friends."

This is what happened to me because I allowed myself to get involved in a relationship that was not based on BOTH physical AND spiritual connection.

The spiritual part makes for a great friend, but the lost physical aspect now makes that impossible.

You need BOTH, Marco.

You can still accomplish a compromise, and I would encourage that, in fact.

If you hold out for PERFECTION, you'll be sadly disappointed. At the same time, you need to seek that old friend of mine, The Happy Medium.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that your problem, if I'm reading this correctly, lies in the fact that you are EXPECTING something -- and that you disregard ANYTHING OTHER than that which meets your criteria exactly.

If this is so -- it's a big mistake.

I know it is not for you, but for me... I can literally LOVE a guy who is a one-night stand. In a way... In a way... Or I can get my dick off and be glad he's gone. It all depends. But whatever the encounter turns out to be, I appreciate it FOR WHAT IT IS.

Perhaps you should try to appreciate people and events in life for WHAT THEY ARE. I'm not saying you need to have a one-night stand: this is not suitable for everyone out there. But the more you allow yourself to slip into a funk, the more miserable you are going to be. The more you WANT that which you do not yet have or cannot seem to find, the more EXPECTATION you will put on that thing or person when you think you've found it or him. And THAT, my friend, can be disastrous.

Prince Charming won't come riding up on his white horse if you blow your Magic Horn Of Kings. He may, however, show up if you just let him come of his own accord.

I've been mocked for touting Karmic responsibility, but I've seen it in action far too many times in my life to disregard it as unreal. If you sit and pout, if you are miserable and sad -- this is what the world will ultimately BE for you. You cannot help but to see it this way: you are looking through a veil of despair and hopelessness.

The real world is only what YOU make of it.

I see each and every day as something beautiful. It's a pantheistic approach that rings true to me. Oh, sure... I have some bad days, we all do. Sometimes EVERYONE I meet on a particular day pisses me off. But no matter what... there is ALWAYS something I see or do or experience that brings me joy. In fact, I MAKE SURE of this. If I'm in a bad mood, I pay attention to the little things that provide happiness, whatever they might be. If my dog wags her tail at me, I smile. If I step outside and see a great sunset, I stop for a minute to admire it. If a lizard gets in my house, I catch it and release it before the cat can kill it. If I talk to a friend or family member on the phone who is depressed, I make a joke to make them feel better.

I don't EXPECT life to give me what I believe I actually deserve. Life can seem ultimately cruel if you expect too much.

Take things for what they are worth. Enjoy what you have. Start GIVING OF YOURSELF to others in any way you can. It's good for the soul, and even better for the ego!

Why do think I bother coming here and spending my time writing to strangers?

Huh?

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