I have been born with good genetrics, My father looked like John Wayne ,mom, looks like Elzabeth Taylor (no shit).
I was not blessed with mom's eyes, but have been told I look just like her.
All my life I have been told how good looking I was,and yes it went to my head.
Yet still I'm as trually as lonely as the next man. What's the avantage do I have?Can I have a meaningless one night stand?
Done it,More importantly what advantage (if any) do I have over some one who has more experience then I?
Are you willing to forgo the experience because of some one's good looks?
You know what I 'm going to use teeth on the next blowjob and it's gonna hurt. Do you use sacrifice over good looks or do you just deal with it.
In other words I'll take the average guy who brings so much pleasure, or, do I take the looks the man I fanticize about to bring me pleasure.

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My Mom looks like Natalie Wood, and remains attractive today at age sixty-four.

My Dad looks a bit like Cornelius from Planet Of The Apes , so it becomes difficult to say exactly how privileged I might be in terms of appearance!

I will admit that I take after my Mom much more than my Dad, though I do NOT resemble Natalie Wood in any way. My Grandpa was not my REAL Grandpa, and I suspect it is REAL Grandpa's genes that are the more dominant ones in the family. I've never seen him, though -- Grandma apparently was a bit of a trollop in her younger years (and I rather like that posthumous fact about her).

Just goes to show you, Marco -- looks aren't everything, are they? You make claim to being a handsome man, yet you are clearly miserable.

What, exactly, are you saying here?

Have you been saving yourself for another man that you feel is equally as attractive as you believe yourself to be? Is this continual holding out the reason why you don't derive any pleasure from one night stands? Do you expect to be LOVED just because you feel you look good?

What's this talk about biting someone's dick next time you suck it? Do you want to get revenge for that which you seek but do not have?

How often have you seen your perfect man, this guy about which you fantasize? Is he out there? Have you witnessed examples of the LOOK you are most attracted to while out and about in the real world each day?

I have seen the type of man I want most. I've seen him many times, reflected in many different men who share similar physical traits which I find sexually attractive.

And speaking from experience, I know that this can be frustrating. To see something you desire but cannot have...

Just last night, I went to Winn Dixie for a tub of sour cream and spotted a very handsome little man standing alone and reading the magazines in the rack. He had a beautiful face, a hairy chest, stocky little fucker, about two inches shorter than me, masculine, bright white brand new sneakers... I walked down the aisle just to get a look at him up close. He glanced up at me, went back to his magazine. No Gaydar pings here. Bummer. Had I gotten a signal anyway, I probably wouldn't have talked to him -- I'm just not the kind of guy that would hit on another dude in the supermarket.

He stayed in my mind for half an hour. I thought about how much I'd like to see his face shoved down on my dick, and I thought I'd also very much enjoy seeing him with his pants off. But it wasn't to be.

So what?

There was no point in feeling frustrated about this. I had a nice mental image of a handsome guy in my head for a short time, then I dismissed it until just now when I thought of him again while writing this post. Probably by tomorrow I'll see someone else I like and this guy will start to fade away. That's life.

Even though I am not seeking a relationship, I do sometimes wonder exactly what kind of guy I'd want if I someday desire another partner. What concessions would I make as far as appearance is concerned? My ex wasn't EXACTLY the perfect looking guy for me. If I were drawing up a blueprint of the guy I wanted most, my ex would not be the final result. But I wasn't seeking PERFECTION with my ex -- at the time, I simply loved him. I had an attraction to him on a physical level, sure -- but this wasn't any ideal. I never wanted an ideal, either. I just enjoyed loving him -- and consequently, what he looked like didn't matter all that much.

The opposite side of that coin is that while my ex also fell in love with me at the time, I was MUCH farther removed from the type of guy HE is physically attracted to. He likes twinks. I am NOT a twink. But he loved ME, the me INSIDE.

And you know what happened. We ultimately split mostly because of sexual incompatibility: I was into him, he wasn't into me. It can't work if there isn't some attraction there in the first place. It is unfair to love someone as MORE than a friend but not be able to satisfy that personal on an intimate level.

And as things fell apart, as each of us did things to the other that were cruel or unfair or just childish -- we both lost whatever little bit of physical attraction that might have remained. For HIM, it probably wasn't much to begin with since it was hardly ever there. For me, it was a LOT. The more I started to dislike his actions, the less I found myself looking at him and thinking I wanted to make love with him.

What you see outside is usually superseded when you see the inside.

So now, when I think of a potential imaginary partner I may want someday, if I so choose, I tend to think more of the characteristics I want to see in a man's spirit more so than what I imagine he should LOOK like.

Yet at the same time, I will NEVER accept a man that is unattractive to me, and I will NEVER allow another man to love just ME inside and not be attracted to me physically as well.

While attraction fades with time, and while the vast majority of men always look at new things and enjoy sexual fantasies, if two partners share a mutual admiration that includes both the physical AND the spiritual -- they can accept the rest as just a part of life and remain in love with each other.

I have met men and found them to be EXTREMELY attractive to me, only to find out soon after that they are major assholes. When that happens, I can't see how good looking they are anymore: I see only the asshole inside, and my dick goes limp at the thought of them.

The more you focus on any one particular thing, the more likely you are to be disappointed.

You may be disappointed because you NEVER get it ALL. Or you may be disappointed because when you DO get it, you realize it wasn't what you thought it might be.

A young child craves a certain toy for his birthday. He sees the commercials on TV and it looks SO cool. It's all he can think about. On his special day, he gets the toy he wanted so much. Only to find out a week later that all the commercials were so much hype and the toy doesn't perform the way he thought it would.

So he looks at this toy, now sitting on a shelf in his room, and it still LOOKS really cool. He WISHES it were as cool as it looks. But it's not. It bores him. He goes into his closet and pulls out a toy he REALLY likes, something he's had for a long, long time. He had forgotten how much he liked this other toy. In his zeal for something new, he disregarded something that brings him joy.

I saw my ex about three weeks ago. We had to meet for about an hour to take care of some business. I had not seen him in a year prior to this.

When he arrived, he looked awful. His hair was gray, what was left of it. Gray hair is attractive to me, but my ex never allowed his hair to go gray. I helped him dye it many times. He always CARED about his appearance. Now it seems he does not. He has gained weight, and this also doesn't bother me, but he commented on how "skinny" I am now and seemed a little bit jealous that HE was now bigger than me. His eyes were glassy -- he wasn't drunk or on drugs, he was TIRED. He looked miserable. All the disgust I felt for him at various times during the course of our breakup just kind of went away, replaced with utter sadness. I felt BAD for him. He told me some personal information I won't repeat here, but it was enough to let me know he isn't doing all that well. I did my best to keep our time together restricted to the business at hand. It was difficult to see him this way.

He still loves me, I still love him. Of course I do. We shared fourteen years together. We share a hug and a kiss on the cheek when saying goodbye. I told him he can call and stop over to say hello now and then if he wants, but that I can't be "friends."

This is what happened to me because I allowed myself to get involved in a relationship that was not based on BOTH physical AND spiritual connection.

The spiritual part makes for a great friend, but the lost physical aspect now makes that impossible.

You need BOTH, Marco.

You can still accomplish a compromise, and I would encourage that, in fact.

If you hold out for PERFECTION, you'll be sadly disappointed. At the same time, you need to seek that old friend of mine, The Happy Medium.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that your problem, if I'm reading this correctly, lies in the fact that you are EXPECTING something -- and that you disregard ANYTHING OTHER than that which meets your criteria exactly.

If this is so -- it's a big mistake.

I know it is not for you, but for me... I can literally LOVE a guy who is a one-night stand. In a way... In a way... Or I can get my dick off and be glad he's gone. It all depends. But whatever the encounter turns out to be, I appreciate it FOR WHAT IT IS.

Perhaps you should try to appreciate people and events in life for WHAT THEY ARE. I'm not saying you need to have a one-night stand: this is not suitable for everyone out there. But the more you allow yourself to slip into a funk, the more miserable you are going to be. The more you WANT that which you do not yet have or cannot seem to find, the more EXPECTATION you will put on that thing or person when you think you've found it or him. And THAT, my friend, can be disastrous.

Prince Charming won't come riding up on his white horse if you blow your Magic Horn Of Kings. He may, however, show up if you just let him come of his own accord.

I've been mocked for touting Karmic responsibility, but I've seen it in action far too many times in my life to disregard it as unreal. If you sit and pout, if you are miserable and sad -- this is what the world will ultimately BE for you. You cannot help but to see it this way: you are looking through a veil of despair and hopelessness.

The real world is only what YOU make of it.

I see each and every day as something beautiful. It's a pantheistic approach that rings true to me. Oh, sure... I have some bad days, we all do. Sometimes EVERYONE I meet on a particular day pisses me off. But no matter what... there is ALWAYS something I see or do or experience that brings me joy. In fact, I MAKE SURE of this. If I'm in a bad mood, I pay attention to the little things that provide happiness, whatever they might be. If my dog wags her tail at me, I smile. If I step outside and see a great sunset, I stop for a minute to admire it. If a lizard gets in my house, I catch it and release it before the cat can kill it. If I talk to a friend or family member on the phone who is depressed, I make a joke to make them feel better.

I don't EXPECT life to give me what I believe I actually deserve. Life can seem ultimately cruel if you expect too much.

Take things for what they are worth. Enjoy what you have. Start GIVING OF YOURSELF to others in any way you can. It's good for the soul, and even better for the ego!

Why do think I bother coming here and spending my time writing to strangers?

Huh?

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i initilly hesitated replying to this thread because it just sounded a little whine-y to me. 'i'm so handsome, why can't i find an equally handsome partner.' then scruffy gave a good reply. still i think i'll put in my 2 cents worth.

looks have nothing to do with it.

for many years i found myself attracted to men who would never make a commitment and who treated me badly. guess what i figured out what about those guys was attractive and ai learned to find that in men who would be nice to me. you could say that i expanded my range. that doesn't mean the new men were not handsome or attractive (now i think of them as MORE attractive).

attractiveness for me can always be killed when i first talk to a new guy i meet. does he have a brain? what are his values? the most desirable guy ceases to be so if he fails that test.

marco seems to be be caught in the body/spirit division that has plagued western thinking since Plato. look at the whole person, then decide. if you give off the vibe that only the physical creme de la creme are acceptable, then many good looking men write you off their list. that is a message that many guys send when out cruising and lots of those guys go home alone at the end of the night. life is too short not to take chances. talk to everyone. it doesn't obligate you to go home with them. people who like people meet more people. aloof is often the cause for alone.

i was at a party yesterday and someone asked me what it was like to be an exceptionally handsome man. i told him i didn't know because i never thought of myself in those terms. when i was in my 20s many people wanted to hit on my looks who had no interest in me as a person. i rejected them fast (regardless of how good looking they may have been). i can think of no famous person to compare myself to but i know i am well above average in looks. we are a gender that responds to visual signs and looks will always be important. it sounds to me as though marco really wants the whole package--looks and personality but it continues to make a choice based on only one of the criteria.

finding a partner is tough for everyone. choosing one based on looks alone is not likely to be a sucessful approach. Give the world your person-hood as well as your looks SND look for both in others. you will find what you seek.

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its funny to me beacause at the ripe old age of 35 (considered 85 in gay years)
I have always been told I am very handsome, and get so many comments on my eyes that I get tired of it.

however during my 20,s I had high standards and did not date anyone that was below them even as recent as a year ago I was dating someone who was very very handsome the kind of guy that turned heads in a room.

the price was un happy relationships, once I seen what was underneath the wrapping I was never happy and most of them had issues.
bottom line is these days in my 30,s I am more active go to gym 5 days a week etc etc and I tend to look at the silver and gold but its rare I go for gold anymore.
silver is pretty in its own way and usually has more value in the long run.

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Three REALLY quick points to add, sparked by the post above:

1) Maybe, just MAYBE, it is a TINY bit harsh to give Marco a label of "whiny," though I will agree completely that his post can be construed in that way. To be perfectly honest... I haven't figured out the guy myself. I based a LOT of what I wrote on things Marco has said directly to ME in response to posts of my own. Seems to me he is dead set on having a relationship and isn't much into random sex with strangers. So I tried to gear my comments to that preconceived notion, assuming it is indeed correct. I DO agree, however -- whether or not there is any whiny kind of "poor, poor me" in there or not... having CONFIDENCE and being true to your desires without sacrificing your own morals is very important. Complaining about a situation won't do you any good -- ACTING on it is the only option. And sometimes, NOT acting at all IS, in fact, the best possible course of action!

One of my all-time favorite bits of wisdom comes from Dalai Lama:

"If you are worried about something and you can do something about it, there is no need to worry. If you are worried about something and you cannot do something about it, there is no need to worry!"

2) Beauty ALSO comes from within, but there needs to be a physical sexual attraction as well if we expect a long-lasting relationship to work. We can compromise a LITTLE on either side of the equation, but never to the extent that we feel unsatisfied with what we have.

More importantly, and quite KEY, I think: beauty is also completely subjective. It's quite possible I might look at Marco or the above poster and not find a single thing about either of them sexually attractive -- and they may look at me and feel the same. I've had other men tell me I am handsome, but I also don't see that about myself. And the type of guy I find most beautiful is usually NOT what TV and movies and billboards promote as the epitome of a beautiful man.

DECLARING yourself as "handsome" is fine. Good for the ego, too, as long as you can temper that and not get carried away, believing you are "too good" for anyone else. You might be surprised to find that some folks out there do NOT see you as beautiful or handsome AT ALL. So... go ahead, feed that ego, it gets hungry and needs nourishment... just don't over-indulge and get all bloated and arrogant. I think that's sound advice for all of us, myself included.

3) SEEKING that which you desire can lead to disappointment from time to time. We MUST realize this and accept it. But we should NEVER stop looking for what we want and need on a personal level. In the end, all you have at the moment you die is whatever you've made out of your own life. You MUST strive and you must TRY and you need to find happiness in whatever way suits you best, as long as it is never at the expense of the happiness of others.

But at the same time... if you put too much effort into the chase, if you struggle too hard with the failures that ultimately result from TRYING to find your dreams -- you will continue to fail over and over. You're going to project your failures and your defeats onto other people, you're going to start placing blame on yourself or on someone else, and sometimes there is TRULY NO ONE to blame.

You cannot ACTIVELY campaign for something so fragile as the love of another human being. This is something that will COME to you when you are ready and receptive. And it will NEVER come if you pout and allow yourself to be miserable, wallowing in self-pity and/or believing you DESERVE something any more than anyone else does.

Putting it simply, which is not always easy for me to do:

Sit back and enjoy the ride. Life is what it is. Some of it you can change, some you cannot. You may have a beat-up piece of shit vehicle and can't afford a shiny new one. So you change the oil, you keep the tires inflated, you wash it and wax it and make it look as good as you can. You keep an emergency road kit in the trunk... just in case you need it. And then you get in the fucking thing and GET OUT THERE on the road. ENJOY the scenery as it passes. Stop now and then, get out, stretch your legs and appreciate what's around you on a much more intimate level. MAYBE you'll find a place where you want to STAY. Or maybe you'll get back in and drive away again. But you sure won't forget what you've seen, and you at least have that.

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i think that Scruffy makes three good points. life is an adventure that we must ride but we can never control. love comes when least expected. enjoy what you have and never give up.

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one last thought. marco's profile doesn't indicate where he lives. i assume it is in a city with a large gay population. if you only find 1 per cent of the men acceptable, then make sure you have as large a pool to choose from as possible.

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I found this particular discussion very entertaining and had a few laughs for a change of pace. It just goes to show that we really do have a good sense of humor and we can poke fun at ourselves.

I was once asked in a chatroom who I looked like. I responded that I looked like John Holmes.

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Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. And, under a just God, cannot long retain it.

-- Abraham Lincoln

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These are some insightful comments and interesting to see what everyone thinks. Ive been thinking alot about these types of things lately.

As I approach 40 and i look back on the choices i've made when it comes to relationships and even one night stands and the reasoning behind those choices - I realize i've wasted a lot of time, effort and energy concentrating on the wrong things when it comes to meeting guys.

I'm at the point where I can't even go out to dinner with some of my friends lately - they sit and nit pick every single guy who walks into the restaurant - like giggling little hens at the water cooler. I used to be part of this until one day I noticed they were picking on some guys receding hairline and i noticed all of us had worse receding hairlines. My friends have become even more vain and self absorbed (as if that was possible) as they get older. Instead of just embracing the aging hairlines and wrinkles - we obsess over changing them to give us more "marketability".

We can be soooo judgemental on each other. It's sort of like a similar problem with African Americans. women and other minority groups - where they're so busy picking and sniping at each other, they lose a big opportunity for unity and change.

I think if we spent half as much time and energy on trying to change how "mainstream" society and morals disrespect and hold us back from being ourselves as we do critiquing and making a meat market of our fellow gay men - our society would be alot more tolerant than it is now.

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