When to discuss sexual needs and make requests... It's all up to you, dude. Unless he brings it up first...

When is a good time in ANY type of conversation to bring up something that might be a bit difficult? Hard to say. Every conversation, situation and circumstance is going to be unique. Getting what you desire is a skill. It may require a lot of finesse, depending on the other guy, or it may require no effort at all and can be accomplished as easily as just stating the facts. You may want to work on manipulating someone to best suit your sexual needs, or you may consider the notion of "manipulation" to be distasteful and prefer to choose an easier route: speak the truth and hope for the best.

For ME personally... I do not like to try to manipulate anyone. I say what I want. If a guy isn't into it, that's that. I would not be stimulated sexually if I had to "convince" some dude that my way is the only way and that he will learn to enjoy it. What if he doesn't? We both leave unhappy. I'd rather START with someone who is into what I like best. Yet even this doesn't work each and every time: sometimes two guys are NOT compatible and there is not much that can be done about it. Worse... sometimes it APPEARS that two men will get along very well and when push comes to shove (pun intended), it turns out that the situation was nothing at all like what either one expected.

If you are in a bar, for example, a bit of casual conversation and "get to know you" dialogue is pretty much standard and expected. Probably most of the time, you wouldn't sit down over drinks with a dude and immediately start talking about your sexual needs without getting a good feel for his level of interest. While it is generally true that in most gay bars there is this sort of "meat rack" mentality, and many guys tend NOT to just hang out and spend all night talking with a dude if they no sexual interest, it is also true that sometimes you will just run into someone who is being socially friendly with no ulterior motive. In other words, not EVERY dude who talks to you wants to get you into bed -- but probably MOST of them do. It's up to you to work on picking up those signals. Some men are subtle about it, some men are frightened and won't even approach you, hoping that YOU make the first move, and others are much, much bolder -- walking right over, grabbing your crotch and asking what you feel like doing with your dick at that particular moment!

And also... the nearer it is to last call, coupled with the level of drunkenness of the men around you, may result in multiple last-minute attempts at going home with SOMEONE.

This can actually be pretty funny. A guy who has watched you all night long but never made a move, realizing it is now ten minutes before closing time, and feeling the effects of his last three guzzled 7 And 7s, may suddenly discover he has a lot more nerve than he did when he arrived earlier that evening!

In a cruising location that is not as social, the game changes somewhat. Men meet up and have sex with as little as a fleeting glance to indicate a desired partner. Probably it is more likely that in a public park (just for example), you wouldn't have to worry much about having that "My ass is really tight, dude..." discussion. Things may be limited to a fast blowjob in the bushes and that's about it. But if you were to find yourself in a situation which escalates into something heavier... you'd just have to make a last-minute decision, saying whether or not you are ready for this kind of sex. If a guy tries to bend you over a railing to fuck you, and you don't feel ready for that... just stand up straight and politely create an excuse.

In a bookstore or bathhouse, the cruising hookup usually tends to start off easily enough, with two men noting an attraction between them and moving off to a more "private" location such as a booth or "changing room." Once there, things just happen naturally, more or less. If someone tries something you don't like, you need to say something. It's OK to speak in these places, but as a general rule it is kept to a minimum. But there's no law which requires men to keep completely silent and accept any form of sex offered to them.

I can think of numerous situations where I've met a dude in a cruising location not knowing exactly what he wanted. For me, it usually starts with a guy sucking my dick, which is fine. If he attempts something more, I simply tell him if it is OK or not. Sometimes a guy will accept what I am offering, other times he'll smile and part company to seek out a guy who can give him what I will not. That's life. No hard feelings. I would go so far as to say that RARELY have I ever encountered a dude who is pissed off about some sexual incompatibility in a cruising venue. Most men KNOW the unwritten rules: sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, most of the time you find out what each guy wants AS you get into it, not before. No problem.

Meeting someone online, I ALWAYS make it abundantly clear what I want. Especially since most of the time I'm inviting someone to MY place. I don't want to deal with having a guy over who is under the wrong impression. It's unfair to both of us, as well as a waste of time, to have someone drive over here, meet me, then tell me he requires some form of sex that I am not into. Then there's that whole problem of politely turning him down, sending him home, and both of us ending up frustrated. Best to just discuss things FIRST and do my best to make everything as clear as I can.

Yet even THIS doesn't always work, dude. I've posted TONS of complaints about guys who simply do NOT get it. Either they are incredibly STUPID and just don't understand, or they think they can provide four minutes of something I enjoy and THEN start to pressure me for something else. I think these guys believe that once they are THERE in person, I won't have the balls to boot their sorry asses out the door. In other words, I believe they are aiming for pity sex or sex by guilt. They are wrong, of course -- and face a drive home with aching balls for being so presumptuous. Also... sometimes a guy actually DOES think he knows what I want, and he truly WANTS to do what I've suggested -- but we find out too late that our notions of the very same sex act are VASTLY different and it just doesn't work out.

Here's a story I have wanted to share which serves as a good example:

I run into some dude online last week. He says he loves sucking dick. He wants a guy he can suck every night of the week if possible. He also happens to live ten minutes away from me. He says he's been looking for a man who is into no-strings sex on a regular basis. He says he LOVES another guy to tell him what he wants and that he'll do ANYTHING to please a man. He says he is an EXPERT cocksucker and loves to worship dick.

Gee, sounds perfect for me, right? Yeah, right...

So he asks if he can call me from his cell phone for directions once he gets near my place, but says he knows the area and shops at a store right near me all the time. I give him driving directions and tell him to call when he gets nearby.

Moments later, the phone rings. He called me from HIS driveway as he's leaving. He wants to talk for the entire ride over here, it seems. As he's talking, he's got a Celine Dion CD blasting on his stereo at the same time. Celine is telling us that she's our lady. Nice... He's shouting into the phone. I knew IMMEDIATELY that this was a mistake, but I didn't know how to tell him that I was sure it wasn't going to work out based on the fact that he was ignorant enough to play a CD while talking on his cell phone. I mean... that doesn't have anything to do with sex, but... I just KNEW it was going to be awful.

So on this ten minute drive, he has managed to tell me all about his job, his ex-wife, his two daughters, the white trash he rented property to before they burned it down, half his life story, as well as details about every traffic signal he was at and every SPEED BUMP he drove over.

Ugh.

So, OK... he finally arrives and hangs up the phone as he parks. He walks in and starts telling me how this is so mysterious and hot, though I don't feel the same anymore since I now know his Mother's name, date of birth and maybe her Social Security number based on our previous conversation. There isn't much mystery left, but OK... Before anything happens at all, he tells me that I can have him EVERY night if I want. He is THAT much into sucking dick.

THEN he tells me that he's glad I'm masculine. This way, he says, he can have me over to dinner at his house and I can meet his two daughters.

Whoa... This is "no strings" sex? I tell him that we should just take it slow for now, and I wish I could physically kick myself in the ass for having agreed to ANY of this. Maybe he makes a good pot roast, but I'm just not all that eager to go meet his children just now.

So then he starts "sucking" my dick. I think. I am not sure what he was doing, actually. It involved smashing his face down onto my cock and just kind of... I don't know. RESTING there or something. He didn't MOVE. AT ALL. I started to TELL him what to do, since he said he WANTED me to. And he doesn't respond. He just stays down there with his face on my dick. He mutters something about having me move his head for him. Oh, geez. Yeah, OK. So I grab his head and try my best to move it around my dick. He's resisting this, just pressing his face harder and harder down on to my crotch. Maybe he wants me to get rough, but I had told him I'm NOT into that. Or maybe he's just an idiot altogether. It's hard to say at this point.

This struggle goes on for about five minutes. I'm trying to move his head, he's not letting me. I'm trying to tell him what I want, he's ignoring me. I was NOT hard -- at ALL. This didn't feel good. It didn't feel like much of anything, actually. It felt like my dick was bathing in a warm tub of water, that was about it. It was the most NON-SEXUAL feeling I've ever had with another man's mouth on my dick.

And in a way, this was kind of cool, but only because I had THOUGHT I'd already experienced the WORST possible blowjob prior to this. I was wrong. It CAN get worse, and this guy proved it big time. This was, without a doubt, the single worst sexual experience of my entire life. I was amazed that someone could be THAT bad. After having my dick sucked thousands and thousands of time in my life, this guy showed me something new. Sex without the sex!

I tried fucking his mouth, for a minute, anyway, but he had reached up under me and had his arms wrapped around my ass and his hands on my legs. So I couldn't really move at all. I wanted this mouth OFF my dick more than anything.

Finally, he lays down on the floor for a minute and tells me he's "exhausted." From what, I don't know. I thought perhaps he had fallen asleep on my dick for a while there. He says he needs to "take five."

I light a cigarette and ponder what to say to get him the hell OUT of my house.

At this point he says: "You can have this every single night if you want it."

I swear to God, man. He SAID this!

I am at a loss for words. Yes... ME! Can you believe it? Look at what a fucking BIGMOUTH I am! I had NO response for this, except for the obviously rude one that was in my mind at the time. But I couldn't bring myself to say it to him.

I mutter something about maybe he should move his head around on my dick if he wants me to get hard. He says: "I'm not leaving until I eat your cum. I'll stay all night and shower with you in the morning before work if I have to."

Perhaps this was the most horrifying thing I'd ever heard in my life, except for maybe: "It puts the lotion in the basket..."

I tell him to get back up and actually SUCK my dick. He just lays there on the floor. Finally I said: "Maybe we should finish this up another evening, huh?"

Thankfully, he says that's a good idea. He gets up and walks to the bathroom door. I tell him where the light is, and then realize he thought this was the door to the outside. Confused, he turns around and opens the door to my closet and walks halfway inside before realizing there's no stars and moon overhead in there. "Dude, the door is over here," I tell him, pointing.

I didn't smell any booze on the dude, so I'm thinking crack or meth was involved here, possibly. While this notion gets me sick, that maybe a drug addict is in my home, I am also HOPING he is fucked up on something. I mean... a human being can't be THAT stupid and NOT be on drugs, right?

He starts to leave WITHOUT his shoes, but I was quick to hand them to him.

I have never been so relieved to get rid of someone in my life.

So, I figure for SURE that he had a rotten experience, too. I am quite certain I'll never hear from him again, and I'm thankful for that.

Two days later, he sends me a message online.

I honestly didn't know what to do. I had to ignore him. I couldn't imagine having ANY sort of conversation with this guy. And I sure as hell was NOT going to give him another chance.

So, Micron, do understand that this is an EXTREME example. It is not always THIS bad, I promise you that.

But you DO need to expect the unexpected. No matter HOW much talking you do, no matter how clear you make things for someone, no matter how much they tell you they GET IT and want the same thing as you do... you just MIGHT get surprised.

Probably not, though, so don't freak out about it.

Look at it all as a new adventure, dude. The most IMPORTANT thing is to have fun with it.

And hey, even though the story above was awful to experience in real life, it became IMMEDIATELY hysterical the minute I closed and locked the door on my departing guest.

How could I NOT laugh at this? Being pissed off about it would serve no useful purpose at all. It was much more fun and productive to laugh about it. And I swear, man... I DID laugh. My dog thought I was nuts, I think.

If you keep the right frame of mind, you won't feel bad if something doesn't work out. You'll just chalk it up to experience, enjoy the little adventure, and maybe get a good chuckle out of it.

Or you might end up meeting a dude who is VERY much into what you want and you have some fantastic sex that has you drooling for more.

Say what's on your mind, dude. When it FEELS right to say it, just say it. If you can't decide WHEN it is the right time to say something, just go ahead and say it anyway. If the time happens to be right, you'll get the appropriate response from the guy. If the time is wrong... you'll find that out, too.

I have almost never run into a gay dude who is offended by sex talk, no matter where or when it enters into a discussion.

I mean, just some common sense is all that is needed. If you meet a guy in a bar and he's telling you about his Mother's hip replacement surgery and how he has to change her surgical dressing once a day, odds are good that now is not the best time to say: "That's nice. So... will you fuck my asshole nice and slow with your big dick, dude?"

Just segue into the topic of sex when it becomes obvious that it's OK to do so. Generally speaking, this is VERY easy to do. Most guys just go for the old standard: "So, what are you into, man?" Then take it from there and get into details later. Or... "Are you a top or a bottom?" This tends to set the stage nicely. You get the idea...

As for the old prostate... Lay on your back in a comfortable position. Slide a finger or sex toy into your ass. When you feel a strong sensation in your dick, you are pretty much there. If you can be erect and jerking off as you do this, you'll feel it easier. You WILL feel a sensation just from entering the anus, but when you nail the prostate it is pretty hard NOT to know it. Another good indicator -- if pressed gently but firmly, you can quite often feel seminal fluids traveling right into your dick. It feels like your cum is being pushed down your cock, more or less.

Hope you got a laugh from the story. I know I did. I wanted to share that, and your post provided a good excuse to do so.

And finally... I apologize. Maybe not a lot of other guys are reading all of this because I wrote VERY specifically and JUST for you. I hope that didn't cause anyone else to NOT respond.

Remember, dude... these are just MY opinions. Feel free to listen to what other guys have to say, too. Gather up the things that make most sense to you and go for what the ideas that make you most comfortable.

And while doing that, by all means -- be YOURSELF. You'll create your own style of doing things which suits your personality.

There is no ONE perfect way to go about any of this. There are generalities which see often, and we can learn from that, but it's important to be who you are.

See ya, dude!

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