Maybe it's just me, but it seems that we are over-analyzing certain aspects of all this. Then again, over-analyzing is something I'm often guilty of myself, so what do I know?
1) Education is our best defense, coupled with teaching by example and standing true to our own safe sex standards. By not having unsafe sex, we do not become carriers of disease ourselves. By teaching gay youth and gay adults, we spread the necessary scientific knowledge that can help others make the best possible choice. By being a living example, refusing unsafe sex when it is offered to us, we may, at the very least, spark some thought -- the more of us who say NO, the more more rejections barebackers get, maybe... just maybe... at least a few of them will wonder why they are getting nothing.
2) There is nothing wrong with using a code or signal if we happen to devise something that says what we feel is necessary to say and gets our point across without verbal communication for times when we are in cruising situations where fewer words are the rule of the day. This should NOT EVER be required or necessary: if we do NOT have a condom held in place underneath our key band on our arm, this does NOT mean we are giving the OPPOSITE signal that unsafe sex is acceptable to us. It just means we'll have to SAY SO, and that is nothing more than a personal choice: say it or show it. As long as the end result is the same... it's cool either way.
3) Not everyone wants to fuck a kid and not everyone finds their prowess or sexual "innocence" appealing. I sure don't.
4) Men who go to bathhouses also go to bookstores, bars, parks, beaches, chat rooms, etc. No place is safe, though a strong argument can easily be made for relative potential risk at one given place over another. Yet the fact remains: it doesn't matter as much if each of us stick to our own personal plan for safer sex at ALL TIMES. Unless we get raped, we are always in control of our own decisions.
5) Even though it's a shame that sometimes guys who strive for safe sex don't always follow through, it's been my own experience that if someone makes a mistake and gets caught up in a moment, he USUALLY regrets it to such an extreme extent that the months of worrying which come after the fact tend to strengthen his resolve in future situations. In other words, he is probably less likely to make the same mistake twice. It may be wise to forgive these transgressions and work together to make sure they don't happen again. Yes, just ONE mistake can be deadly, and that's very sad and very frightening. However, from the day we are born, all humans generally learn most swiftly by making mistakes and seeing firsthand the consequences of those errors. There are obvious exceptions to this, of course, but thankfully most of us DO come away with MORE knowledge after we fuck up.
When a person is on a diet and needs to lose some weight, if they have a failure of personal will-power and gorge on an entire box of Hostess Cupcakes one evening, they often feel so despondent that they will give up completely and decide they simply CANNOT do what they had set out to do. The best thing is not to beat yourself senseless when you make a huge mistake. The best thing to do is start fresh again the next day.
I'm not suggesting we "forgive and forget" everyone who barebacks on a regular basis; we need to make a more powerful stand against this behavior. I AM suggesting that a mistake be tempered with MORE education and a little bit of encouragement to stay the course.
I don't think anyone who wants safe sex and shows it with a signal of some sort would be very likely to forget about their own code of conduct if someone else doesn't understand the signal. They just need to explain it in clearer terms if necessary.
And frankly, if more and more guys started using a certain sign, it would become well-known rather quickly, though I admit that starting a trend isn't an easy thing to accomplish.
Meanwhile, we just need to open our mouths more freely and do the exact opposite with our asses!
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