This topic once again brings up the subject of when an individual should devulge his(or her) HIV positive status.
The law in many states does require that a POZ person inform their sexual partner before engaging in sexual activities. As a POZ individual, I personally have no problems complying with that requirement. As I see it, anyone who is positive and engages in reckless sexual behavior with another without informing their partner is indeed guilty of reckless endangerment.
But when should you inform someone?
When you first meet someone? One the first date? Before the first roll in the hay?
Let's look at the first senario. Let's set the scene; you're out at tyour favorite waterhole and a someone catches your eye. After the usual game of eye contact and wait and see, one of you finally approaches. After some small talk, you begin to feel some connection with this possible Mr. Right. OK, now comes the first decision, do you tell him now that you are HIV+ and risk immediate rejection? The responses that may come at this point run the gamut from him excusing himself to use the restroom(get another drink, ie) and not returning, or perhaps he'll overreact (drama queen alert), and blow up at you and acuse you trying to spread the virus to take as many as you can with you. Either way he may spread your news around the bar with in minutes.
Scene two. You have decided not to tell him until after you have gone out a few times, but before the 'deed is done'. Now this can be risky, as you may have invested some time and have developed feelings for this person and now face the possiblity of the drama queen response, or just having the person disappear like somene that owes you money. And again you risk having your status spread all over town
Finally scene three; You have dated for sometime, developed strong feelings for your prince charming, and decide to take the relationship to the next level. You tell you man and he reacts in one the two ways mentioned in senario two.
Or not, you also may meet some one in senario one, two or three tells you that he can deal with your status. Somewhere along the way (usually just before the first night of passion) that he really can't deal with the issue. See end of senario two.
Now there is always the slim possibility that dream man might actually me able to handle you HIV status. But trust me those men are just found in made for TV movies.
How do I know of all of these senarios? I have lived all of them. I did unscientific poll on AOL a few years ago and found that most guys will state that an HIV+ person should be able to date, but most would not date someone that they knew to POZ.
Of course there are the bug chasers and those that deniy the existance of the HIV virus. But those are guys you probably want to stay away from.
So for me, I've found it simply easier not to bother. This April it will be 4 years since I have enjoyed another man's company. This isn't to say that I don't enjoy the companioship of my friends, but I probably will never share my life with anyone in a physical way. You might say that I'm bitter, well not anymore. I was for a while, but I have since come to accept this as the way my life has to be. It just takes far too much of my energy to deal with the problems of others.
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