Well, dude... I could sit here and type out all the gory details of how my ex dumped me, but that wouldn't accomplish all that much. Suffice to say, even though it is tough to deal with at present, it really makes a big difference that you didn't have to wait fourteen years and believe in something that never really was before you found out that you were being fooled...
It's a big blow to the ego (and the heart) to discover something like this. Even though us guys KNOW what pigs we all are, and even though we may expect infidelity sooner or later... that doesn't change the hurt we feel when it happens. Like you said, too -- him being CAUGHT makes it even worse. You had NO CLUE that this shit was going on -- and then you start to think of the conversations you two had, the things you did together, the sex -- and you cannot help but wonder about the nature of the obvious LIES he had to have been telling you. YOU were feeling in love (or whatever) and enjoying your time with him -- and he's sneaking around fucking someone else. Can't escape that reality -- and it really, really sucks. Sorry.
About the only solace is that you are certainly not alone. Hell, very few marriages, gay or straight, last for long these days. Lots of folks out there are suffering and have to learn how to move on with their lives.
You didn't say what you want to do right now, if you are going to give it another try or whatever, and you didn't answer my questions, but that's cool -- I don't expect you to. It's OK to keep things private if you want.
Whatever your decision is, or whatever you want to do now or in the future, there is one good bit of advice that is generically helpful to all who have to deal with relationship issues: put the focus on YOURSELF.
Whether you stay with him or not -- make sure that your life now becomes all about YOU. This doesn't mean you have to start being rotten to other people -- it just means that you need to keep in mind all the good things about YOU. Build those up. Learn from the experience. Cry and grieve if you need to -- but don't let the events of his infidelity ever WIN.
At any rate, it worked for me.
Well, that and having a lot of sex once I was "free." That's all typical, though -- lots of guys go out and GET OFF and act like pigs after they've been dumped. OK, SOME sit home and cry and vow never to get an erection again, but... I personally found that the recovery process was hastened by lots of hot sex!
Good luck, dude.
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