Bro, you have a whole bunch of dudes here that are giving you the same advice so think hard about taking it. You seem to be a nice guy who's hurting and feeling bad about himself. This ain't the place to get the healing and selfesteem you need.
You don't go to the hardware store to buy a book and you don't go to an fucking site for a relationship. There are lots of places to go for relationships. Once you get your head on striaght, come on back get some no-strings-attached fucking.
And, NO GAY GUY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO PAY FOR SEX!!!! This is one of the great things about being gay, everyone is horny! Ain't no "headaches" or getting in "the mood". We're all dudes and ready to fuck.
Just look around, there are guys here and on other sites that are into everything. Chubby, skinny, hairy, smooth, top, bttm, jock, fem, feet, CBT, nip play, jockstraps, panties, feet, groups, oral, anal, making out, on and on and on.
The final thing that's holding you up --- and I don't mean this to be rude, you do seem like nice guy -- you just come off and needy and sad. No guy really wants that. And the asshole husslers are going to smell it and take advantage of you. Hell, I've never been with a chuddy and I'd be happy to give you a ride, but you just seem so sad.
Get good with yourself. Find the guys that would be into a dude like you, like chubby and bear groups.
Above all, get the help you need.
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