Went to the Ambassador today because I was in the mood for a reliably decent massage with that little extra. I've been going there since the mid-90's every time I'm in Bangkok and I've never had a bad massage. My very first time I was actually quite surprised when the hunky masseuse began to excite me and jerk me off. I had no idea it was going to happen and a tip was not even discussed. After that however, every time I went, the routine was pretty much the same. The massage involved long strokes and some butt play, eventually reaching under to play with my crotch. By the time I was flipped over on my back, I was usually at full arousal. Sometimes the masseuse would negotiate a tip, sort of holding me hostage, other times not, but I knew it was expected.

So today I went, looking forward to more of the same, pretty much even expecting who my masseuse would be since in the morning there are very few choices.

I arrived around 10. An Asian guy had gotten there right before me. He paid his fee and sat down. I said I wanted a massage, was asked "lady or man?", told it was 600 baht, paid and waited. The Asian guy before me was escorted into the massage area by a masseuse. I sat and waited. Soon, the same masseuse came and got me and showed me to my room. Nothing was said. He gave me a towel. I stripped and lay down on the massage table. After a few minutes, he returned and told me I could use the sauna. I told him I just wanted a massage. He seemed confused. I said, "no massage?", kind of figuring at this point that he was the only one available and he was obviously booked. He said, "five to ten minutes". So I covered myself with a towel and waited....and waited...and waited. You'd think by now someone would have brought me a glass of water or came to tell me what was going on, but nothing. So I got up, used the restroom, got some water and walked around a bit, and waited. Finally, it was now 30 minutes after I had arrived, I went to the reception and asked what was happening. She said she had called and he was on his way. I asked, "How long?" She could not answer.

I know it is not culturally appropriate to lose one's temper with Thais, so I was restraining myself, though I was getting increasingly irritated. I said, "10 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours?" I know I was being overly dramatic, but she could not offer a response. I decided I'd waited long enough, even though I really wanted the massage. I told her I was going to cancel. I began to get dressed. When I was fully dressed, she knocked on my door and told me he was there. I decided to stay, since I was there and really needed a massage. I am just recovering from a nasty stomach thing and thought this would help.

I undressed again and waited for my masseuse. He was the guy I was expecting, much older now and not as buff as I remember (sort of describes me).

The massage was good. I had to tell him I wanted it harder as nothing irritates me more than someone just rubbing oil on me. He complied. He tried several times to get me excited. He succeeded to some degree. Long story short, the massage was adequate, I achieved release, tipped him 600 baht and got dressed. As I was leaving he said, "pay up front".

I was still in a massage haze, so I didn't quite get what he was saying. When I went out front a different woman was there. She said, "600 baht". I took out my wallet to pay and then remembered I had paid earlier. I distinctly remember since I had decided to give her exact change rather than give her 1,000 and get change. I remember her telling me it was 600 baht, and remember thinking it used to be 500 for oil and 600 for aroma, but now there was no choice. I remember the guy before me paying.

I told this woman I already paid. She said she was told I had not. I insisted. She insisted I had not. This went back and forth with another woman joining in and insisting I pay. I attempted leaving but they shouted out at me to wait. She pulled a bunch of money and receipts from the drawer and counted the money with a calculator. I don't know what that would have proven. She called someone. She told me to wait. I finally said I'd waited long enough. I told them what I remembered about paying. I told them I was going to write a negative review and that in fact I wanted a refund. Amazing how this suddenly changed the dynamic. They said they could not offer me a refund but could give me a coupon for 30 minutes free next time. I said I was never returning. It is true. To be honest, the place is a dump, for as fancy as the hotel appears to be. The massage was fair. If I want a real massage I can get a better one elsewhere. But the most irritating part was the service, or lack thereof. I would have definitely been treated better at Hero or Arena or any other pay to play massage venue. The Ambassador is supposed to be legit, when actually it's a dumpy, poorly run relic from the past.

If anyone decides to go, my one piece of advice is - if you pay before your massage, get a receipt.

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