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Originally Posted by jonn3
Yes - the old "boys will be boys" covered a lot of sex play. In many ways I think society views it as guys "can't help themselves" when they get horny they have to do something.
Although sometimes the "everyone is doing it" backfired. I remember a guy trying to get me to fool around and he started saying "Well Bob and Jim both did and they liked it" - and that was what scared me off - that he would be telling everyone what I did!
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Nope. No one went on telling on other dudes, unless you had all played together, so the talk was legit. But we did a lot of introductions. After you got to know a new dude, and fooled around with him, you would introduce him (with his and their approval, naturally) to your best, most trusted buddies, who, you knew would like the guy
. Still, there was no talk of sex. This was totally clear, and implied, but no one addressed the issue. So, the dudes exchanged their phone numbers or not, and maybe met later on (or not). Since it was perfectly clear that you had messed around with the dude, if your buddy scored, he would dutifully report. And, you would to, if the intro came thru him. This was an 'all honors system' but if the dudes noticed that you were a leech, pretty soon, you got isolated.
Basically, everyone differentiated firmly between the media kind of gossip: this celebrity is gay, blah, blah, though there was really no one to verify this, and the info exchange that was going on within a closely knit community.
We also differentiated very strictly between the parties we threw for the 'guys only' which really meant, only the dudes who were part of the deal were welcome; and general 'birthday' kind of parties, where everyone kept their cool, and acted pretty str8.
Soon enough, there were two birthday parties, two Christmas parties, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
Here in the US the lines were much less defined. He blew me I blew him. He fucked me, I fucked him. That does not mean it was always a 1 for 1 trade - had a buddy that really did not like being bottom at all - but he did try it - it was just too uncomfortable for him. So at the times he really wanted to fuck I was willing to bottom since I knew it was not that he wasn't willing to - it just was not good for him.
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This would have never worked with our narrative. We were all str8, and we all wanted to fuck. A few guys decided to 'help their buddies out', so they always bottomed which was a bit less desirable, in terms of the narrative, but still pretty much OK. A 'small' dude would have otherwise been ostracized. This way, he got to play, too. A new kid in town who needed leads, housing, possibly a job, sometimes a meal... well, he was just paying off his debts. A dude who needed (or pretended to need) help with his term paper. A new dude, who wanted to get invited to all the swell parties and meet the other guys.
Naturally, we all knew that this was a farce. It was only too obvious that your core bttm buddies (1-2) per top typically, really enjoyed bottoming. Nonetheless, the top guy went to some length treating them well. You'd buy them a dinner now and then. You'd take them along on a road trip, made sure that they did not lack any basic need, etc. The facade was nothing short of a face saving strategy, and was also reinforcing the idea that the tops were eventually going to go str8, and treat their females in a similar way. Sure, this was only a play, and some tops never went for the str8 lifestyle, but the narrative was largely intact.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn3
That was very much the same for us - it was never talked about until the next time we were ready to do it. There were no signs of affection except during sex - we were not boyfriends - we were sex buddies.
And it sure did make life easier - I don't see how I could have gone through my teenage years with just jacking off!
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Amen. There was not talk about any love or emotions, whatsoever. Dudes exchanged the usual love talk while the action was in progress, but everyone knew that this was simply there to enhance the sexual pleasure.
The huge upside of this whole cultural model of behavior was that the campus rape was practically unknown. GF or no GF around, you had your best buddies (and sometimes, some of their buddies, too) to take care of the business at hand. Sure, you were as horny as the next guy, but hardly anyone was desperate or getting insane.
True, the whole setup was heavily tilted in favor of the traditional top/bttm roles. The guys who were only into oral, frottage, etc., ended up on the margins of our underground arrangements. But, to some extent, they too, found their place in this jigsaw puzzle.
I was introduced to a cute, curly hair, lanky dude in his early 20's by a common friend, who warned me in advance, that this guy was not totally one of us. When I inquired about the details, before meeting him, my bud told me that this guy was only giving hand jobs. Not much, but he was pretty much around, and if you needed him, he would show up at a pretty short notice, too.
I thought that this was a bit far-fetched but the info I had received was on the spot.
If you were tardy with your planning, and if your buddies were not available on that proverbial rainy Tuesday night, 'the ambulance dude', (that's how we nicknamed him) was your last, best chance to get some help in getting your rocks off.
He practiced total discretion, and never talked about his exploits. But he would show up, and give you a helping hand if needed. He was surprisingly good, and no doubt, pretty popular, too.
Being probably a bit more generous than an average student jock dude, I'd give him a drink or two, asked him if he wanted a sandwich, or if the public transport stopped (or slowed down) if he needed cash for a taxi ride back home. Though, I met him only half a dozen times, he always pointed out that he appreciated my generosity, and would drop whatever he was doing to come and help me out
KD