Quote:
Originally Posted by infopop
I wanted to add here that when I started having sex, I was a bottom but that wasn't a conscious choice. I simply didn't know what to do and usually looked for someone to "show me how." Being introverted, I waited for guys to approach me and I was pretty selective at least in the early years. Some of those rejections I regret having made now.
Because my dick is actually pretty large (well, I really didn't know until I started having sex and seeing other hard dicks) a lot of guys wanted me to be a top for them. Some of them wanted it but then decided it was "too big." This was a frustrating experience and certainly didn't help me learn how to do it.
This was all from 1984 onward, and there was also the issue of HIV/AIDS on almost everyone's mind -- but not all, as I first discovered in a GWU campus bathroom and later at parties or in various sexclubs. It was a time when you had to decide for yourself what was "safe" or "safe enough" and take responsibility for your own health. There was a lot of debate and some misinformation as well, and of course some tried to lecture or compel all gay men to behave the same. You know how that worked out.
For me personally it wasn't until some point in the early 90s that I really felt comfortable in the top role, and by my 30s I had guys, even older guys, wanting me to be their Daddy. I get pleasure from giving guys pleasure. I also sometimes want to have a sense of control, other times let go of myself and have no control at all, simply feelings and urges and sex. Thus, I became adaptable but most guys still wanted me to be a top.
Time marches on. As I've mentioned before, my social and sexual life is on the back burner because of my other responsibilities, and that's OK for now. In time that will change, and that's also OK.
I really need to stop here, leaving you with a quote from Rabelais writing in "Gargantua":
"Fais ce que tu voudras" or in English, "Do what thou wilt" It's been a long, long time since I read that and those books from the 1500s are heavy going but the words hold true, I think. |
This post, too, confirms that in case of doubt, men mostly wanted the 'bigger' guy to top. If he turned out to be 'too big' for their comfort, they wanted to reverse the roles. That too, is somehow understandable, especially if the bigger dude shows that he is open to such an option.
It is also true that, in the end, every dude out there can call his shots and decide what role he wants to play in general, and in any particular case. If he sticks to his guns, that's how it is going to be.
Now, in closely knit coteries, changing your sexual role becomes a bit of a communal event, and the guys are usually prone to comment on it. Yet, if a dude wants to go on with his plan, no one will really stop him.
One important exception is the anatomy. There is hardly any demand out there for very small tops. So, if the dude lacks what it takes, he may want it, but the others are not likely to go along with his plan.
KD