[infopop]

This Narratively piece came up in my Facebook News Feed when I looked through it last night while winding down at the end of a long day/night/whatever:

Why Having Gay Sex in a Park is Still Thriving in 2016 – Narratively

It's by Katia Repina and Luca Aimi, both photographers who work in Barcelona. There's some truly beautiful photos of the Parc de Montjuïc.

They write:

Montjuic is a large hill overlooking the harbor near the city center of Barcelona. Over the centuries it has been the site of Celtic settlers, Roman ceremonies, political executions, and several events during the 1992 Olympic Games. It is now a recreational area, home to parks, gardens, museums and a castle. It is also a meeting place for a community of men who practice cruising – searching for sexual encounters in public places.

The cruising scene, which many participants say dates back to at least the 1970s, attracts men of a variety of backgrounds and desires, not all of whom identify as gay. They juggle the fears of being exposed and judged with the rush of clandestine encounters that make them feel deliciously alive. Although the number of people cruising here has somewhat decreased over the years, many insist that what they enjoy about the practice has not been replaced by the mainstream acceptance of homosexuality, or by the rise of dating apps. “What is hiding there in the distance, behind the dark leaves of the forest?” says Alex, who, like all of the men in this article, agreed to be interviewed on the condition his full name not be published. “Sex, yes, but also the fact of not knowing what is out there, that is what I like about it.”

The photos are captioned with more quotes from men. You'll see a wide range of ages. Here's just a few:

“Every time I go to Montjuic I go up the hill through the same stairs. As I go up, that tingling sensation starts, like when you were a kid and there were presents to unwrap. It gets me every time.” – Aquiles, 25

“Going out to a bar to pick up someone? I tried that, but I am five-foot-three, nobody notices me, and wasting fifty Euros on drinks to look like a dwarf, trampled by all the other guys – no thanks! Hitting up guys on the internet, or on a date… it’s scarier. Picking up guys [in Montjuic] gave me more self-confidence, so that I dare to go to meet guys in other places. Not my entire sexual life is here, absolutely not!” – Francesc, 43, cruising for twenty years

“I like to watch the stars and feel free while I am fucking.” – Axel, 34

“What I like about cruising is that… I have no obligation or commitment; I won’t see them again, and I like that. That turns me on.” – Aquiles

“I come here for sex, but I also come for something more. That something more could be friendship, a conversation, maybe even a partner. Sometimes, I just come to have a walk, watch the people passing by. It’s true that the more you grow old, the less important sex becomes. Many people who I have been with know that the first thing I ask [for] is not even a kiss, but a hug. Because a hug often tells you more about this person, just by the way a person hugs you.” – Vincente, 47. He also talks about changes in his sex life relative to HIV.

I'm not including all, but all are worth reading and seeing the photos with them. This last one from Francesc is one I truly relate to, at least remembering my past:

“Sometimes, coming here makes me feel less alone, but sometimes it just makes me feel like I’m the only one on the planet. It depends on my mood; sort of like a roulette wheel.”

These days I don't have much personal time, and I'm OK with waiting and taking care of my elderly sick dogs and helping my ex move out. There's a time for everything.

~ Bob S.

[jonn3]

The thing about online is you never know for sure who is answering your posts. If you meet someone in person what you see is what you get - there is no pretending - no 10 year old pictures posted - no "typo" which dropped 80 pounds of weight...

But you also never know for sure if the other guy wants the same thing you do....

[infopop]

Originally Posted by jonn3

But you also never know for sure if the other guy wants the same thing you do....

Whether in-person or online, you never really know.

At least in-person sometimes you might have eye contact or "chemistry." Other in-person cases might just have "atmosphere" where it doesn't matter, for example, who's on the other side of the hole in the wall.

[jonn3]

Originally Posted by infopop

Other in-person cases might just have "atmosphere" where it doesn't matter, for example, who's on the other side of the hole in the wall.

So true!

I sometimes see posts talking about how one of the great things about gay sex is it is about the sex - not the romance.

No where is that more true than a glory hole - it does not matter if he is tall or short, fat or thin, young or old - the only thing you know is there is a hard cock sticking through the hole.

[infopop]

Last night an old friend sent me a link to this 2012 story from Salon, Rest stop confidential. I don't remember seeing it back then, but it seems germane:

I was 15 the first time I found out that men have sex in public. On the way to Maine with my mom and stepfather, we pulled off the highway and into a rest area. At the urinal, there was a man next to me. He was tall and homely, and holding himself. He stared at me. I was electrified, but held to that spot; he shook himself at me and I couldn’t move. We would have stayed there forever, but another man came in and saw what was happening and scowled. Time started again and I ran out of the bathroom.

If you’ve ever pulled over to a rest area, you’ve been near men having sex. I’m one of those men, I’ve done it a hundred times; we go into the woods or a truck with tinted windows, in a stall under cold light. It never stops, not for season or time. In the winter, men trudge through snow to be with each other, in the summer, men leave the woods with ticks clinging to their legs. Have you ever stopped at a rest area and found it completely empty? There’s always one man there, in his car, waiting to meet someone new.

This has been going on for a long, long time. The new ways that men meet — endlessly staring into phones, searching on hookup apps like Grindr or sites like Manhunt — haven’t changed the fact that we’re still having sex at rest areas, because they offer something different. For the man who is unsure of his sexuality, or unsure of how to tell others about it, for the man who has a family but feels new desires (or old, hidden ones) unfolding inside of him, the website and the phone apps are just too certain of themselves. They’re for gay men who want to have gay sex. Sex at the rest area, instead, abolishes identity; there’s a sort of freedom there to not be anything – instead, men just meet other men there; men who want the same sort of freedom.

I remember having that first "electrifying moment" at a rest stop somewhere near San Angelo decades ago. The little place had short partial dividers between the urinal and the toilet. Teenage Bob was at the urinal and a maybe 20-ish guy at the toilet was jerking off. I didn't know what to do, but the family was waiting in the car so I left.

Anyhow, for a lot of guys, the Apps or Craigslist or whatever just don't do the trick. You need the place, the men, the challenge of discovery, the freedom of the unknown and anonymous, the excitement of the forbidden - or at least, the socially unmentionable.

[KewlDewd66]

I am familiar with Montjuic, and a few similar cruising grounds in Spain.

What keeps them alive and kicking is the sheer number of their gay patrons. You go to MJ or any other big and popular cruising ground knowing that you have good chances to hook up and have sex. You also know that you won't be alone, stuck on a trail with one or two guys who you may care as little about as they do about you. You know that you may see familiar faces; people whom you know well, or even guys who always nod with their heads when they see you because they know you 'from seeing'.

The Apps, Internet, Craig & Co. destroyed small, less popular cruising sites, theaters, smaller spas, quite a few clubs and bars, too.

Just like the use of Apps, cruising in public parks is perceived to be free of charge. This is a very significant part of their charm, especially in a country like Spain which is still having record numbers of unemployed people. If there is no direct, out of pocket expense, people are more tolerant when it comes to the conditions of use and the possible failure to get what they were hoping to get.

It is also true that public park cruising scores big time over the Apps on at least two counts.

First off, more and more folks are realizing that the apps show the pix that may be 10 or more years old. The stats shown are still using the old AOL M2M chat rooms' measurement system that had an 8 incher as the least you could offer to an interested bottom, who usually portrayed himself as a vers top...

Second off, the Apps are meant to foster communication. Good in itself, communication is not what each and every man wants. A few are happy to unload, or get some action and move on... The apps do not really work for them that well.

KD