Why is it that when i jack off i get as hard as steel, or get head im hard, but if a guy ask me to fuck him my dick won't stay hard enough. Would a cock ring help? What is it that the cock ring is doing? are they dangerst are the adictive. why are some cocks in cock rings cold

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To answer the easy questions first:

Cockrings work to help keep a penis harder longer (and can also make it a bit thicker and more defined, depending) because they trap blood already accumulated in the penis, slowing down the reverse flow OUT of the penis. They should NOT restrict blood flow TOO much, just ENOUGH to give that extra "boost" to your dick's firmness, size and shape.

This answers your question about why some dicks are cold in cockrings: these guys are wearing them a bit too tightly, or for too long. However, it is not unusual or unexpected for even a properly fitted cockring to make a penis a little bit cooler to the touch. After all, the blood in there has been hanging around for a bit longer than it might otherwise normally remain, and the proximity of the blood to the surface of the skin cools it off. More or less, anyway...

They aren't harmful, provided you use them correctly and don't make them too tight as discussed above. If your penis feels TOO cold or starts to look blue or purple in color, you've got it on too tightly. Adjustable cockrings are good for newbies; you can use the snaps or Velcro or whatever fastening device to make it more loose or more tight, depending on what you need and what is comfortable. Steel rings can't change their size, obviously. You'd need to probably purchase a "variety pack" of different sizes (easy to find) so you can pick the one that is closest to what you need. You can certainly buy a single ring, but if you don't know what size will fit you, you clearly can't return it.

You can find out your size for a steel ring by either using an adjustable ring and then measuring the length and/or diameter of it, or simply wrap a piece of string around your dick and balls, mark where it meets, then measure that length and/or diameter. I once did this, taking the string to an ABS and surreptitiously holding it up to a steel ring in a package and seeing if it circled the ring at the right size.

I've never heard of cockring addiction, though I suppose anyone can take just about any toy or sexual preference or whatever and make it a habitual part of their sexual regimen. Just guessing here, but maybe it is possible to wear cockrings incorrectly and too tightly for too long and cause a bit of damage to erectile tissues, though this doesn't seem to be anything I've ever heard discussed before. I'd think if there's any sort of "addiction" involved, it would be psychological more than anything else, but this is also not anything I've heard discussed too often. I think guys who enjoy cockrings simply use them because it feels good...

The more difficult question you asked was about why it is that you don't stay hard when a guy asks you to fuck him. It's impossible to answer that in detail, since you didn't provide a lot of information. I think it is pretty safe to say that there is some psychological reason why, as opposed to any sort of physical problem. Since you get hard normally at other times, it isn't your dick that is faulty.

Are you placing a condom over your penis before attempting anal sex? I hope so. Sadly, however, a condom is an erection-killer for a lot of guys. This does NOT mean you should NOT use one -- it's just a possible explanation. Despite what others may tell you, you are not REQUIRED to fuck anyone if you can't keep it hard in a condom. Maybe you just aren't ready to fuck anyone right now. So wait. Practice masturbating while wearing a condom -- this could get you used to the feel of it.

Sometimes, men feel threatened by a condom, too. You have to get it on in time before you lose your erection. Anyone remember George Costanza whining about this, saying: "It's like 'Beat The Clock?'" If you lose your erection before you can get a condom on, just stop, mess around some more, get hard again, and try later. If a partner isn't willing to wait and accommodate that, he's an asshole and not worth your time, if you ask me.

Are you nervous about the REAL dangers of anal sex? Does the thought of STDs make you lose your erection? If so, once again, perhaps you are just not ready at this time. No big deal. No need to rush into it, especially if you would be putting yourself at risk.

Is it simply performance anxiety? Are you concerned that you might not be able to satisfy yourself and the guy who wants to get fucked? Again, why rush it? Find an understanding partner and establish at least a modicum of TRUST. This does NOT mean that having trust in someone is an excuse to NOT wear a condom, it just means that if you are more comfortable with someone, and more relaxed, maybe things will work out for you in time.

Maybe it's just a vicious circle -- it has happened a few times already, so now you just EXPECT it to happen again. So it does.

I think that deep down you have a pretty good idea of exactly WHAT is going on in your head when this happens to you, but you didn't share it with us. Just reflect upon what goes through your mind when this happens, or just before it happens. That should provide your answer.

Bottom line is that MAYBE a cockring would help, but I think it is much more important for you to get at the root of the problem and STILL have safer sex, using a condom. Additionally, keep in mind that the first few times you try out a cockring you might find the increased sensation to be so great that you cum quicker. You should practice through masturbation for a while first. Also, if you wear a cockring TOO long, you can go limp. Your penis NEEDS blood to circulate freely. Restricting it TOO much isn't wise. You may also LOSE sensation if you wear it much too long.

If I have a guy sucking me off for hours and hours, I always take a needed break and at that time I will remove the cockring. Some guys are nice enough to massage my dick and balls and let me relax when I do this.

And if it helps at all, when a guy begs me to fuck him, I also lose my erection pretty fast. For me, this is because I know I will NOT do it -- and I feel guilty that I can't give him what he wants. Yet the IDEA of fucking a guy that I LOVE turns me on a lot -- but not a stranger. This is why I make sure everyone knows in advance that they will NOT get fucked. Yet even so, even with advance warning, some guys don't care and they will STILL beg for it. This not only turns me off, it gets me pissed, too. Then we have to stop whatever we are doing and I have to tell him AGAIN that it isn't going to happen. Really puts a damper on things, you know?

If you care to share more of your inner thoughts and feelings as to what is going through your mind when you are put into this position of getting ready to fuck a guy and can't do it, I think it would be beneficial, even if just for you to type it out and be honest with yourself.

Good luck.

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thank you for your answer a little more info when i have been able to penatrate i shoot instantly but when i get head i last a few minutes when i jack off i can last as long as i want i always thought that the reason i can't stay hard to fuck is that im a bottom but i have not been fuckedin over 20 yrs (std fear) but now i just think that im a cock sucker only very seldom will i let someone suck me would rather go home and take care of myself. one other ? do all cock suckers think about sucking cock all the time or is it just me a day doesn't go by that i don't suck at least one buut i don't let it interfer with work family friends i call every free minute cst (cock sucking time) thank for your help scruf

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Looks like you've pretty much answered your question for yourself, buddy. Often the answers we seek which seem to elude us are right there, if we are willing to blow off the dust a bit to see them more clearly. Asking questions about such things still serves a useful purpose, though: we need to seek confirmation of our ideas, and we sometimes feel more at ease with who we are when someone else hits upon one of our sneaking suspicions.

So you say you have a fear of STDs. Good, as long as it doesn't start to completely ruin your sex life. From what you've said here, it doesn't seem that way; you engage in activities which make you feel more safe, more comfortable, and still provide the kind of sex you say you enjoy best (sucking dick). A "healthy" fear isn't a bad thing -- a paranoid and delusional fear is. Common sense is all you need -- and that bit of concern for your own health and safety will keep you alive. As long as you are in a comfortable place, I see no reason why you should try to change that (but we can talk a bit about that more later).

You say you consider yourself a cocksucker by definition. Again: good for you. I bet you're very skilled at it, too. I've never met a guy who was proud enough of his skills to be able to come out and say "I'm a cocksucker and I love dick!" who was NOT good at it! Being able to understand what you like best and be free from shame of it gives you an advantage over other guys who suck dick but are doubtful of their skill (obviously).

I know a few guys who call themselves cocksuckers -- they're all quite serious about it and able to work some magic on my dick. And I'm not easy to get off, either. Some of these guys DO like to get fucked, others do not. One of them, a guy who has been my "buddy" the longest, knows I won't fuck him so if he needs that, he gets it elsewhere. He tells me he is always safe about, and we've had long talks about the importance of condom use. I feel secure he is telling the truth, but I still don't do anything high risk with him. When he wants dick and he's in need of cum, he seeks me out. I'm fine with that.

And I've met guys who define themselves as bottoms. Of these guys, a few suck dick very well, putting themselves in a submissive role as cocksucker to meet MY needs. But a few of them, guys I meet once and have no desire to meet again, more or less just suck dick because they feel they HAVE to in order to get fucked later. They put no effort into it, they don't much care what the other guy likes or wants, they just do it by rote in the hopes of getting plowed. Clearly, this isn't my scene. Five minutes of boring licking and they're ready to bend over. Oh, well... There's plenty of men out there who can accommodate their needs, but I'm not one of them. We both just move on. What bugs me is when these guys pretend to be something they are not in order to get something they know I won't provide. They always think they can convince me or trick me or something. They're wrong, and both of us leave unsatisfied.

The point is: don't try to be something you are not. If sucking dick makes you happy, by all means -- be happy!

But you asked the question for a reason, so I'm guessing that maybe there is a guy in your life right now that you WANT to fuck. Or perhaps you are just in the mood to try a few new things. This is OK, too.

Do you think you'd still cum too quickly when wearing a condom? After all, condoms do take away a good amount of sensation. Try a "non-premium" condom -- sometimes these are thicker and allow even less sensation than some of the more well known name brands. I am NOT telling you to get cheap ass condoms that break easily, I'm just saying to try some different ones and see what works best for you.

Desensitizing cream? It sounds silly, and you often see this shit in bookstores with labels that make it sound like a wonder product. It's not, but it won't hurt you and it just might help a bit. It's just a topical anesthetic you can put on your penis. Give it a shot. Do try it alone the first few times, though: sometimes it can numb you TOO much, and you end up with a soft dick, which is what you are trying to avoid.

Probably the most important thing of all, at least in my opinion, is to find a partner who is willing to be patient and allow YOU to learn. They say the best tops used to be the best bottoms. I have no idea if that's true or not, but even though it has been a long time since you've been fucked yourself, I'll imagine it's like riding a bike: you're going to remember what is required to make it good for the guy. If you feel pressured or not ready, your partner should be able to accept this and give you the time you need. If you get things out in the open FIRST and TELL him that you might pop off rather fast, he may be OK with this and not make an issue out of it.

I have to be honest here... even though I haven't, I've THOUGHT about fucking a few guys that I'm into, and while I can get my dick sucked for hours and hours, I rather think I'd be much more likely to shoot fast if I were to fuck them. I don't think this is all that unusual, at least until practice and experience enter the picture.

I've also run into a few guys who feel as you do: they'd rather not GET sucked, for whatever reasons. They prefer to DO the sucking. Maybe this is partly, for you at least, because you cum quickly. There may be other reasons, too. I know this one guy, have seen him off and on for about two years. He's a cool guy and he loves sucking dick, so he does a good job. But he has a LOT of trouble with cumming quickly, and admittedly, this gets frustrating. At first, he'd jerk himself off when sucking me, then shoot his load after a few minutes. Clearly, this didn't work for me and he'd leave me with a hard dick and nothing to show for it. As time went by, I decided to keep meeting him, giving him little hints at first, then bigger hints, that I wanted him to last longer. Ultimately, he stopped playing with his dick until he got me to cum. However, he's a decent looking guy, and there's something I like about him. He's kind of big-boned, just a little bit stocky, very shy and quiet and wears glasses. I decided, after feeling his dick when he was blowing me, that I would enjoy getting a taste of it myself.

He had no problem with this, but I have to say -- I barely get him erect and he's blowing a load. I've really tried hard to be cautious with him, too. I think by now I know what his dick likes, and I'm familiar with techniques to delay orgasm. Yet no matter what, this guy cums anywhere from literally thirty seconds to a few minutes later no matter what. The absolute longest he's ever lasted is ten minutes, which is respectable, more or less, except that these ten minutes were broken up into two minute intervals, with him going back down on me each time! So... OK... two minutes is his limit. Damn shame, but I still don't turn down HIS cocksucking skills.

Well, all this rambling more or less to tell you that it's OK to be what you want to be and enjoy the things you enjoy the most. Seek out men who appreciate what you do and want to be on the receiving end of a great blowjob. I'd be one of those guys, and believe me, there's plenty more out there just like me. Well, hopefully not JUST like me, but you know what I mean.

Find a partner who you can talk to, or at least briefly discuss any concerns you might have first. This may alleviate some worry on your end (and his), and if something "goes wrong," neither of you will care much. It will be expected, after all. And if it goes well... you'll get a nice surprise.

Try out a few sexual aides -- condoms, toys, cockrings, creams, whatever. They may help, but keep in mind that these are just tools.

And if you want to train yourself to last longer in certain situations, you can do that, too. And again, probably the best way to go about this is to find a partner who is willing to work with you. If someone said to me that he wanted to learn how to last longer, I'd rather enjoy teaching him. If he came quickly, I'd expect it and wouldn't be upset. And really, those no reason to be upset about it, especially not if the guy is honest. While there may be no magic "reset" button you can press to get hard instantly and go a second time, most healthy and happy dicks will reset just fine on their own before too long. So maybe you can find a dude who is looking for multiple blasts. Odds are you'll last longer the second and third time around, too.

You say you can last a long time when jerking off -- this is true for many guys. But it's also true for many guys that you can probably get yourself off very quickly if you want to. There's is probably a technique you can use to make yourself cum when jerking off, so try to get yourself there and then STOP. Do this often until you learn how to control it better and better. Teach this to the other guy. And by all means, when you are with another dude, don't be shy about telling him to ease off when necessary. Look, even though I can last a long time getting sucked, a lot of guys get me very close very often. If we both want it to last even longer, I just tell him to go easy. He does. I know just how much my dick can take, so I slow him down or stop him before I get there. Being in tune with your penis is really important, but it takes some (happy) practice to discover what is going to send you over the edge. If you find that certain other sensory stimuli bring you closer faster than you want, try to eliminate a few of these if you can, at least when you're practicing. If SEEING the guy really gets you off, try it in a very dark room a few times. If, say, touching a guy's chest makes you hot when he's blowing you and gets you close, just keep your hands off for a while. Shit like that...

As for your question about whether all cocksuckers think about sucking dick all the time -- well, not being a true cocksucker myself, I'm not entirely sure. But I CAN say that I personally, along with most men I know, sure do think about SEX all the time. So it makes sense that a guy would think about the kind of sex he likes MOST all the time. I think about getting sucked ALL the time, as if you hadn't figured that out by now. Sounds pretty normal to me. You say this doesn't interfere with your non-sexual life, so I see no problem here. Enjoy your sexual thoughts and fantasies, they're a natural and normal part of life.

And by all means, have fun practicing!

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thanks again scruff you give me lots to ponder
if you ever get to so.cal keep this hungry mouth in mind
you sound like a keeper

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Glad to be of some help, bud. I think you'll get the situation under your own control in no time.

Likewise, should you ever visit Florida, give me a shout. I could use a good excuse to get back to the Keys for a long weekend...

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