I'll be 50 in March. I've never had a problem getting or maintaining an erection until about a month or so ago. Now I never get completely hard but can still cum after a considerable effort on my part. I can honestly tell you I don't like it one bit.

Where does the stress come in? I will tell you. My partner and I have been restoring a 100 year old house for the last 6 years. The night the remnants of Hurricane Ivan blew through Georgia it spawned thunderstorms and high winds. Lightning struck our house and it burned to the ground in 20 minutes. All that was left was the clothes on our backs. We were two hours away in Atlanta when it happen, I guess we were lucky.

Now we're dealing with an insurance company that seems to be dragging it's feet. We're ready to get this over with. On top of that my dad had to be put in a nursing home because of advanced Alzheimer's. The last two monthes have not been good.

So is my limp dick stress related or am I just an old goat? Or maybe a little of both? I'm going to see my doctor but should I be treated for stress or ED? If the stress goes away will my hard dick come back? If I get my hard dick back with Viagra will my stress go away? Well not go away but be greatly improved.

Quote |

GWT,

First let me offer you my heartfelt sympathy on your circumstances. Alzheimer's runs in my family, on my dad's side also. So when you have someone in the generation above you suffering, it hangs in the background of your life. The more often you have a "senior moment" the more often you question "is this normal or a sign I am in the beginning stages of the disease?"

Insurance companies, by and large, know they have the upper hand when things like this happen to their customers. Best advice I could give is get a lawyer to advise you. It would be money well spent.

No I am not a lawyer, and no I am not pushing for litigation here. But if you can get some expert advice, you might find your stress level goes down on this issue. Plus, having someone help you with this can keep you from making disastrous mistakes.

Being fifty in my book does not make you anywhere near an old goat. It's never the age, it's the mileage that matters.

I have had situations in my life where I was dealing with stress on overdrive, too. My dick sometimes did not respond the way I wanted it to either. Sex is 99% mental. My mind could not focus on the fun at hand, so my dick did not respond either. The fact you are off your game sexually is a very strong indicator you are overstressed at this time.

But sex and just being intimate with your partner can be the best antidote to stress there is, just as long as you allow yourself the option of not having to perform at previous levels.

Viagra is not going to be the answer because it requires you to be mentally in the mood. You don't have ED because you can get erect, but it just doesn't have the hardness it did. And the onset coincides exactly with the onset of major stress.

Find a way to get away from all this for the moment. Even moderate exercise will do wonders. Take a long walk in a park with your partner. A change in scenery would do you both good. A massage does wonders for relaxation. And get a good night's sleep. If you are not sleeping well, it can make everything, including your sex drive, worse.

Another thing, realize you are probably dealing with some mild depression also. You have to mourn the loss of your home and the years you have devoted to it. Alzheimer's forces you to mourn the loss of the person long before they are physically gone. And putting your dad in a fulltime care facility can trigger both mourning and depression.

One other thing, your partner is dealing with all this stress too. Don't forget to take care of him. Now is when you really need each to be there for the other.

Quote |

Wow, buddy... I am so sorry to hear about all your recent misfortunes. Wish there was something I could do to help. I'm not in Florida right now; still visiting family in NY. Should you guys need a hand after the holidays, however, give me a shout. I'll be back home down south then.

You asked a lot of interesting questions, as you always do. I suspect also that you already know the answers but just maybe want some confirmation.

So, the fast and easy answer, at least in my opinion, is that you're going to be fine once everything settles down.

Fifty years old is not a big deal; your dick should work just fine at that age, albeit with a bit longer refractory period and occasional erections that can't quite rival the blue steel you might have had poking out of your underwear when you were in your twenties. Erectile dysfunction CAN be age-related and it can also be triggered at ANY age by stress or an actual physical problem. Since you indicate that your dick was in good working order until very recently, odds are good that your age has little to do with it, though you can't discount getting older completely. I'd say you are on the money with your own assessment: a little bit of both.

Consider also that maybe you are just THINKING about your age in a negative way -- even a little bit. You don't seem like the kind of guy to me who would stress out about his fiftieth birthday. But the fact remains -- it IS a milestone event, at least if you want to believe Hallmark. So probably it's on your mind to some degree. Hell, I'm already thinking about turning forty in less than two years. I'm not concerned or stressed and I don't care all that much -- but I DO think about it. Just part of life to take note of our age and inventory of our time on Earth, right?

I'm betting that once you start to get things settled back down in your life, your sexual functioning will return with no problem.

But dude, you lost your HOUSE. Your DAD has Alzhemier's and you had to make a HUGE decision as to his care and welfare. These are NOT little things. These are MAJOR life events. If it were me in your shoes I can tell you that I'm quite sure my dick would be limp when these thoughts started filtering into my head.

Some motherfucking asshole here recently posted some hateful comments about me. The general gist of this was that he believes my posts are ego-driven and all about myself. I can understand how an idiot would think this, but at the same time -- how the fuck ELSE do we talk to other people about similar problems and solutions than by relating our own problems and solutions? Seems to me this is how human conversations develop: a friend mentions something in his own life, you relate it to your life, you talk about the similarities and differences and draw conclusions both mutually and individually. I mention this only because I am hesitant to discuss my own life, lest someone pop out of the woodwork and suggest once more that I am unconcerned with other people (even though I know this isn't true).

In MY OWN LIFE, I've had a few periods of high stress which have resulted in a limp dick and a lack of interest in sex. This lack of sexual interest was much more MENTAL than it was physical: I'd still feel horny from time to time, though now with as much frequency or intensity as I normally did. But mentally, when it came right down to it, I just wasn't able to gear my mind to enjoying the sex what with all the other stuff floating around in there.

I suspect you feel rather similar right now.

The good news is that it will pass, just as I know you already know. You just can't rush it -- and I am sure you know that, too.

We can get into a lot of discussion about Viagra, but probably it isn't necessary to do so in great detail. Viagra requires sexual stimulation for it to work -- or so say Pfizer. But the thing is, lots of men take it recreationally. Every dude is different. The LEVEL of sexual stimulation each guy might need in order to get tremendous erections with Viagra will vary greatly. I think the bottom line is this: Viagra is not a cure for what ails you on an emotional and mental level, but it sure is NOT going to hurt you if you want to try it out during this time of personal crisis.

My own take on it is that if a little blue pill can provide some sexual relief for you -- why the hell NOT? Blah, blah, blah... make sure you are physically capable of taking it by talking to your doctor, etc. You know all this, too. I'm not going to bother discussing it as if you were a dude who had no clue about the drug at all.

You don't need yet ANOTHER thing to worry about. If Viagra can help remove any frustration you have with your dick right now, that's a very good thing. We're MEN: our dicks are EXTREMELY important to us!

So yes, I think if your dick improves, your stress will diminish some. But NO, I do NOT think it will go away. Dude, you have been working on a beautiful old home, restoring it, having a GOAL, having a project that inspired you, probably having a good time through much of it with your partner... and now that is gone. Your penis can't cure your stress, even if it works perfectly or better than perfect. It's just that you don't want the ADDED stress of worrying about your dick. The situation with your Dad is the same: it's not going to go away.

TIME will take care of your stress. And like you said, do talk to your doctor. He can help tremendously. Once more, please excuse me for giving my personal opinion (god forbid), but I do NOT think anti-depressants are the way to go here. I don't know, dude... I just remember a time when people faced problems without spending several years doped up on Prozac, you know? I think there is greater opportunity to grow as a human being without relying on a crutch. Yeah, yeah... no one needs to argue with me about the benefits of anti-depressants... I'm aware that they have their place in modern medicine. I'm all for medications that can help in situations where no help was previously available. I just fear a world in which everyone runs to the doc to get doped up every time something bad happens to them. I hope that makes sense. Besides, anti-depressants can sink your libido like a stone sometimes.

If it were me (and remember, I'm only saying what I would do), I'd go to the doc, get a physical, discuss Viagra openly and honestly and tell him exactly WHY I thought I might need it for a while. I'd also discuss with him the possibility of getting a month or two prescription for some Valium or another mild anti-anxiety medication. But ONLY for a short duration. I'd trust my doc to know the difference between anxiety and true, clinical depression. If I were to get a diagnosis of depression, I'd seek a second opinion before I resorted to anti-depressants.

After that, I'd see how my dick works. I'd also consider hiring an attorney to facilitate "negotiations" with my insurance company if necessary. I'd work on setting a NEW goal -- instead of worrying TOO much about when I'd get the money from the insurance, I'd start doing things like thinking about where I want to live and what kind of new home I want to build or buy. Having something in the future to look forward to is EXTREMELY important.

Right now, I bet it seems like there isn't much in your future that makes you happy when you think about it. Yet I believe that you are the kind of guy who can look a bit deeper and know in your heart that there's lots to look forward to once this bullshit passes.

When my ex left and I had my own little crisis, when family members have passed away, when lack of money has been an issue... I've had times when my dick just isn't very much interested in standing up for Mr. Right Now's hot mouth. These periods of time have been very transient -- a few weeks, mostly. The problems may not have all gone away completely -- you can never forget a loved-one who has died, for example, nor can you forget fourteen years of being with someone who didn't love you back. But you CAN make these things into learning experiences and you CAN get through them just fine.

Go see your doctor, set goals for your future, try and enjoy planning a NEW life in a NEW home. If Viagra can help... may as well.

Though I don't "know" you in real life, we've "talked" online for what -- two or three years now? I think you are a guy who has a lot going for him and who is MUCH more capable than a lot of other dudes of handling these kinds of tragic life events. Losing your home AND seeing your Dad in such bad shape aren't just little annoyances. I would never suggest you down-play their significance. But I WOULD suggest you try your best to step back just a little bit and do what you can to see BEYOND the rough times still to come.

Good luck, bud. When I get back to Florida in two, three or four weeks (I've really made this trip open-ended), if there is anything I can do, just let me know.

Quote |

PS: Sorry for all the duplicate sentiments in my post as compared to GuyTopeka's comments -- we were both writing our replies to you at the same time.

That's a good thing, though: it tells you that two dudes out there are thinking just about the same thing!

Quote |

Thanks guys,
You're right Scruff, I did know the answers to my questions, I just needed some confirmation and any insight anyone had to offer.

Yesterday I found some samples of Viagra my old doctor gave me before he retired. He was closing down his office and I guess he was trying to get rid of samples cause he just ask me out of the blue if I'd like to try some. I thought why not but at the time I didn't need it and I couldn't tell a difference taking it or not. Only one was left in the three pack he gave me and it was out of date but I gave it a go and it worked like a charm. Two webcam jack off sessions later I felt much better. Nothing like a good orgasm to relieve some stress.

I'm still going to my doctor. If he feels some Valium or Xanex would help I'll take it otherwise I'll be happy with some Viagra.

My insurance man says we should wrap this thing up next week. We've heard that before but maybe this time he'll come through. Once I get into the rebuilding process maybe my stress level will be a little lower. But then again I've heard some horror stories about building a new house. It should be interesting.

One last thing Scruff, 90% of the time I read every word of your posts. If the topic is something that's not of interest to me I at least do an Evelyn Wood.

Quote |

I'm sincerely glad to hear that your dick is feeling better! A little blue assistance is a good thing!

I'm also glad to hear that HOPEFULLY you're insurance problems will be over soon. Since you are aware that MAYBE you'll be in for a few more annoyances as far as that goes, at least you're prepared for the possibility. With any luck, it won't come to that, though.

Nothing wrong with asking for opinions, either. I have done it myself here many times. Sometimes we know the answers but want some confirmation. And frankly, that's ANOTHER thing I love about CFS: it's a great place for gay guys to share experiences.

I'm aware that LOTS of folks do a speed-read for my posts, depending on the topic. That doesn't bother me at all. If I am responding to someone in particular, usually I write with THAT person in mind. HE'S the guy that will read it all, and that's what matters. Anyone else who has some fun reading it -- totally cool. I'd never take offense if someone wants to scan or skim -- I do that myself sometimes, too, depending on the topic. If you read 90% of my bullshit here, that's a LOT, dude. Thanks!

Continued well wishes to you.

Quote |