It amazes me how young and how public some people are coming out these days.

If you look on YouTube you will find guys 11 - 12 - 13 making the public announcement that they are gay.

Now I know the world is a very different place than when I grew up - these days with the anti-bullying campaigns and even middle schools have "gay - straight alliance" clubs -

But to me that just seems too young to be publicly making a statement. It is still an age of experimentation and to make a big declaration of "this is what I am for life" seems too much too soon.

I do know a lot of people "know" by that age - but the pressure from other students and family and society - I guess in my mind it seems to soon for a kid to have to deal with that.

What do you think?

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When I was 11 back in the early 1970s my mother had me see a child psychologist. I'd been depressed, didn't fit in with other kids, didn't want (or really couldn't) be in school, and so on. Being military, we had moved between so many school systems, and I was what they then called a "bright kid" -- "gifted" now, perhaps -- and I never belonged. In second grade in one state they had me leave class to study reading with the fifth graders. In third grade in another state, they had me sit in the corner by myself and read and study on my own. And on and on...

Anyhow, the psychologist was called in when I started to give up on sixth grade. The one thing I especially remember about him is that he asked me if I'd seen "Cabaret" and what I thought about it. I told him I was too young to see it, of course, and didn't think about it further.

Looking back now, I realize that a lot of people knew I was gay before I could think about it myself. It took me even longer to accept it, growing up with Roman Catholic teachings and all that. But by 13 I knew I was attracted to the gym teacher; this was in yet another state. I realize now that he had a classic 1970s porn-star look including mustache, although I sure didn't know it at the time. We moved again, and there was another porny looking choir leader I liked. You can see the pattern.

I should move on, so much work to do... But I can say that it really took me years to accept being gay just in my own mind. For me, I guess I thought little about society and other people's opinions. Mainly I was dead set on deciding for myself who I was and what I would do. I was never one to conform or let others decide for me. So, when I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready. And when I was decided, I was all in and ready to go.

I think I was always an "edge case," an eccentric outlier, and always will be. For the kids today, sexuality is probably more fluid. Maybe they're gay today. Maybe next year they'll be bi or straight. I think of Anne Heche who was straight and then lesbian and then I-don't-know-what. Then I think of earlier Hollywood stars with similar relationships with both sexes, but who kept it secret. (Speaking of "Cabaret," how about Liza's father Vincente Minelli...?) For these kids, maybe they, too, will simply do whatever, and in many places they have the freedom for that. In many other places they do not.

It would be interesting to follow up on how these kids see themselves 5, 10, 15, even 20 years from now. You never know.

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Its all based on the person. I'll share my story:
My friend almost fucked me when we were kids (I was 8 he was 10) because I teased him by wearing short shorts and (seductively) smiling at him. He took me to the back of my house, laid me on the floor, undid my shorts, and took out his cock. I was too scared of getting caught, so I didn't let him fuck me.

Now (at 26) I have sex with older men at adult theaters and the truckstop and motel that are next to that adult theater. As much as I love men fucking me and sucking their cock, I've never came out.

I don't think 'coming out' should be overly emphasized without experimenting first. The reason why kids are 'coming out' now a days is because the media makes it a big deal. Also, the media makes it seem as if everybody has to know a person's sexuality; when really, its nobodies business.

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Your friend was a lot braver than I was as a kid. I always hinted at things but I tried to get the other guy to make the first move... So there were lots of situations where I chickened out and probably missed out on some fun....





I very much agree. You see kids "coming out" who have never done anything - yeah some may "just know" they only like guys - but some of them may just be curious. I think some youthful experimentation with a buddy the same age is very helpful and gives the guys a better idea if they really are gay or not.

And once you have gone public like that on the internet there is no going back -

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The notion that anyone at any age should be telling everybody else about his sexual orientation is mostly a political, and lately a marketing/commercial matter. An openly gay guy is more likely to vote for a specific party, get engaged in pro-gay equality political agenda. He will be probably buying a specific underwear, drinking specific drinks, and saving up to buy a specific car, to mention the few.

On a personal level, being out is often experienced as a great act of 'liberation'. Yup, you can introduce your current BF as such, or your present hook-up as such, too. However, this is where the personal benefit stops. The notion that you would be more 'popular' among other guys just because you are openly gay is a common fallacy. You may be openly gay all you want. If this other dude does not find you attractive enough, not much will happen anyway. And being openly gay may scare a few interested guys away, simply because they do not wish to be guilty by association or even seen as publicly associating with openly gay men.

For many people who are living their lives on social media sites, telling everybody everything about themselves seems to be a total must. Now, with so many people sharing virtually everything with everybody else, the value of such shared information has decreased very significantly. I doubt that anyone really takes this seriously anymore, especially if it is coming from a 12 year old...

KD

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VERY true.

I know, especially when younger, there were some guys that were not openly gay but were very effeminate - and all of us avoided them due to that "guilt by association" - we figured if we hung out with them everyone would assume we were gay as well. The sad thing is not all of them were gay - but still just because of the way they acted or what they enjoyed they got stereotyped.

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'Coming out' on the internet is not that big of a deal; unless, of course, you use your real name and make it easy for friends and family to find.

I think experimentation is a much bigger and more important process than 'coming out' on the internet. Usually, the internet is filled with people who fantasize about a certain thing, but never actually do it.

Once you venture into same-sex experimentation, you have to make sure you want to do it. Even during the younger years.

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Related but not quite the same, I read a news story this morning about reactions and fallout from the Ashley Madison hack. I posted that link to Facebook with this comment:

This is apropos to gay sites and apps including here on CFS. Yesterday I had a request to delete someone's profile because their username had come up in a Google search.

The CFS member profiles are not supposed to be indexed by Google or other search engines because of some back-end programming. This particular member's profile was not on Google, but a reply he made in a Message Board discussion did appear. To reiterate, posts on the Message Board, the Sex Listings, the Personals (Communal Stall) and the AdoptASexPig site do get indexed.

Thus, the usernames here do appear. We (moderators and I) try to edit Message Board posts to delete email addresses and contact info, and I do the same with the Sex Listings. However, your username is going to be out there.

About the Personals, the posts there "expire" after a certain time and I've followed a "use at your own discretion" policy there, letting people post what they want while suggesting they use common sense about contact information. The Pig site, meanwhile, was a pet project of Keith's from about 2005 onward; it gets little traffic these days and I may repurpose it at some point.

To get back on topic, there's an awful lot of people who have what we might call "multiple identities" or "multiple behaviors" but who simply don't use common sense when posting on the Internet or talking about their sexual selves. Many are too trusting of the security of random sites, others don't think about the idea that what they post now might be captured and re-posted elsewhere, even if they delete it. It's not just politicians and celebrities who learn this lesson to their dismay.

Now on to work, busy day ahead. ~ Bob

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