I am new to the gay scene, travel alot. I am wanting advice on how to meet guys other than cruising just the personal web sites. It seems these guys are normally not what they advertise and or never show. I am a corporate guy and discretion is a must. When I go to a hotel, I try to hang around the bar late in the evening to see if I can make some type of eye contact that would start into something, but this usually does not lead to much. How can you meet guys and show an interest in sex and not expose myself to someone unsafe?
How good are the websites like Men4sexnow and such? Is there one site better that you can see who is out there and try to start some type of dialog with first? One fear is that you link up with some one crazy or some one bent on entrapment? I know there has to be a way for corporate types that have to look straight can find some type of action. Any advice?
Thanks

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I understand your dilemma, having spent a good part of the last 30 years being an "Uber Road Warrior" myself. If you're above the level of middle management, then you should have well-honed instinct and intuition when it comes to gauging the motives and sincerity of others. Use these just as you would while listening to a business pitch.

As you said, the net is full of flakes and it can be very difficult determining if someone is on the level. If your situation allows, it may be easier if you look for guys interested in being “buddies� versus just quick sex connections. This approach allows you to establish a dialogue that you can use to determine if someone is worth your time or not (and can work wonders if you expect to be back somewhere again). However, if you’re only interested in quick connects, use care in describing yourself. Don’t advertise that your situation requires discretion, or allude to your corporate and/or social standing. That is sure to attract a considerable amount of undesirable attention. Instead, just indicate that you’re a business traveler, when you’ll be there, and what kind of action you’re looking for. Also, specify you will only respond to those who include a clear, recent G-rated photo along with any racier ones. My experience has consistently demonstrated that guys who won’t send a face pic for an intro are usually a waste of time. Another thing you can do is try searching a site’s message boards for other postings by that person. If they do post, you may be able to get an idea where they’re coming from before you expend any effort.

I really prefer the old-fashioned approach of just meeting guys in realtime. It’s far easier to determine if someone’s worthwhile when all of your senses can be used for the scoping process. The hotel bar route has been one of the most productive for me, but also hitting places like a nearby pub or sports bar also work quite well. Since I get the impression that you are very concerned about discretion at this stage of your life, I don’t think going to gay bars or other cruising haunts on your own would be particularly productive or comfortable.

Drop by the bar at happy hour, or right after dinnertime. When on the road, guys are often either feeling exuberant, or wanting to forget their day right after work (often this means they're horny). After dinner, guys are usually mellowed-out some and contemplating being bored for the rest of the night (and also probably horny). In either case, just sidle-up to someone who appeals to you. If he’s with a group, discreetly listen to the conversation, and if you see an opportunity to politely jump in, do so. If he’s by himself, look for cues, like he seems lost or bored, and try an opener like “how long are you in for?� or something like that. Engaging a prospect in a cordial conversation that has nothing to do with sex gives you plenty of time and maneuvering room to decide if you want to pursue him and whether he’s interested. And, even if sex isn’t going to happen with him, at least you’ve given yourself an opportunity to relax a bit and possibly catch the attention of someone else who might pan out.

Later in the evening, there’s a far greater likelihood that men at a hotel bar are looking for some action. Again, engage in some polite conversation and see where it goes.

Another tactic is to hit the head when someone you’re interested in does. If you’re alone with him, try the “relief sigh� or say something like “thank heavens for these things� and see if he responds verbally. If he does, then look his way and make some innocent chit-chat. If he’s open to the idea of playing, with you’ll get the message in short order.

Good hunting.

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If you are in a new city while traveling, how is it that discretion is somehow lost if you were to go to a gay bar or bookstore or bathhouse?

No one knows you in a hotel bar; no one knows you in any OTHER cruising area, either.

What's the difference?

Why is being a "corporate" type of guy any different from being any OTHER type of guy? Are you going to wear a suit and tie and carry your briefcase into a bookstore? Why not just wear jeans and a t-shirt and blend right in? I'm afraid I don't get it. In a bathhouse, we're all wearing towels -- there's little distinction drawn between the men who shuffle papers on a desk for a living and those of us who do blue-collar tasks to make a buck.

I would think that at the very least your options are EXPANDED when traveling in a strange city. You should have MORE freedom to do as you please.

Which makes me suspect there are other issues in play here that you have not mentioned.

At least in a gay bar, bathhouse or bookstore you already KNOW the other guys are looking for SEX. In a straight bar or hotel bar with transient clientèle, you are ALWAYS going to be in DOUBT about who you are talking to. Seems to me that playing guessing games all the time would eventually lead to many more nervous encounters than if you walked into a situation where there were dozens of SURE THINGS walking around wrapped in damp terry cloth.

Right?

Unless your face is regularly posted in Fortune or Money magazine and known on sight within the corporate world -- I don't think you have much to worry about.

Internet hookups often fail for travelers, though certainly there are some success stories out there. I can tell you that I almost NEVER bother with a guy who is visiting my town. These guys NEVER show up, NEVER leave their hotel room, NEVER have a rental car. And frankly, no disrespect intended, many are closet-cases who are just out to masturbate to an online fantasy and are consequently a waste of my time. A few bad apples spoil the bunch, so they say. Because I've been stiffed and lied to by ALMOST every business traveler I've ever talked to online, I simply do NOT bother anymore.

And why is it that business guys who DO have a rental car claim they cannot follow directions in a new city? Do you guys not understand MapQuest? Or is this just an excuse? Seriously, I'm asking. I can find ANYTHING in ANY city I've ever been to. I had printed directions to every adult bookstore in West Virginia -- and I found them ALL with ease.

I HAVE had SOME luck with Men4SexNow, but NEVER with an out of town dude -- only locals. It's worth a try, though.

Being an "out of towner" of sorts right now, I am finding it MUCH easier to just go to the ABS and get sucked off. I spent a couple nights cruising a certain gay website's local chat, only to find the same game-players and bullshitters that I have found in my own town. It's not worth the aggravation.

GWT often extols the virtues of face to face cruising over internet cruising. He's RIGHT, too. I only wish I had ABSs back in Florida near where I live. I'm having a grand old time...

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I just know what works for me and face to face is the way to go. No bullshit and no wasted time. I'm told I'm a very good looking man, maybe I am, I always have great success cruising. Face to face you know what you're getting into.

I lived in rural Georgia for six years and had to drive a hell of a long way to find dick but it was better than cruising online.

Like Scruff, I was wondering what being a "corporate" type has to do with anything. I don't get it either. Who's going to know unless you tell them?

I say go to a bookstore or bar. Nobody there will know, or care, if you're a CEO or a trucker.

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Speaking as a former corporate traveller, I can well understand these guys fears of discovery.

If these guys have to travel with a coworker, ditching that coworker can be a bitch. Also, if you're in the same hotel, you can be assured they're watching you just as much as you are watching them. (Okay, maybe the corporate evironment I was in was dysfunctional and cutthroat, but I saw more than one person lose their job because of what some management ass thought was "inappropriate" behavior on the person's part that happened while they were travelling for the company)

It is not the same as travelling on vacation. Like it or not, the business traveller is representing his company 24/7. Some of these companies, all it takes is an anonymous call to the wrong guy within the company and goodbye job. Doesn't matter if the info is true. Rumor is hard to fight.

I think the idea of non-business attire is a great one. Look at the threads here that are devoted to scoring guys in hotel saunas and workout areas. (plus the eyecandy there is usually very nice)

Bluejeans, loafers and a nice golf shirt will get you noticed. Plus your accent can do wonders. In Minnesota, I am considered very southern. In Texas, my midwestern accent is "cute". Ditto for Florida. (In Canada, I was considered verrry southern)

On the lighter side, I recently went to meet a business traveller. He had mistyped his room number in his message to me. I knocked at Mr. Wrong-room-number's door. Damn. I wish it had been the right one. He was 5'6" and very toned with a great smile. He was barefoot, in plaid flannel lounge pants and a tight, white t-shirt that left nothing to the imagination. Unfortunately it hid his package. He said when he opened the door he thought I was a friend from work. He had me thinking with the head in my pants, I was caught so off guard. My brains were mush. I couldn't think. I think he knew it too and was enjoying my situation.

I drooled my apology, explaining I must have been given the wrong room number by my friend. I left him standing in the hall, outside his door. When I got outside and blood reached my brain again, I knew I had blown a real chance. I should have turned around, flashed him a smile, and asked to use his phone to call my friend, offer to polish the light bulbs in his room or sort the ice cubes in his ice bucket. Something-- Anything-- to be able to keep checking him out and maybe close the deal.

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