confused

samgone · #1 11th February 2005, 09:04 AM

I feel kind of stupid asking this question, but how can you tell if someone is interested in you or just engaging in conversation?

Today I'm getting dressed in the locker room after my swim class. While I'm toweling off, the life guard (who is the guard for the class) comes in and changes his clothes. He starts a conversation and we talk the entire time we are getting dressed and continue to talk until I leave. Even though we are the only two in the locker room, he shares the same bench with me and he doesn't attempt to cover/hide/turn when he takes off his swimsuit like so many (straight) guys will.

I'm not used to having an extended conversation with someone (who isn't a friend) in a locker room.

Also, consider I am 40 and very average across the board; he is your typical 19 year old cute college boy. Also consider that rarely anyone hits on me, so that is why I am also confused. I also can't conceive why a 19 year old would be interested in an overweight 40 year old, so maybe he is just a friendly kid.

In any case, I will see him next Friday as he guards on Friday and we are the only two men, so chances are we'll change together again next week.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

KewlDewd66 · #2 11th February 2005, 10:22 AM

K, the dude is not running away and he ain't hiding either.

I would listen/watch carefully and try to see what is he focusing on. Some 80% of verbal communication may be his body language. Watch him good. Most people are dropping subtle hints left and right.

Do not disregard the contents of his talk. He might look like he is just shootin' the breeze, but he might be actually trying to find out, if you are interested in him, scared, closeted, whatever.

There are plenty cool young dudes out there who are into the men in their 40s, 50s, whatever. They might be a minority of their peers but they are a very significant one at that. Lots of guys are looking for much older men, simply because their 'typ' is a mature, experienced, secure dude as opposed to a guy of their own age group. Some are into father figures. Others are not.

The fact is that a certain portion of hot, young dudes wants a sugar daddy. There is no point in assuming that every younger dude is after your saved cash, but keeping your eyes and ears open while not being paranoid would do no harm. It is all up to you to decide what attitude you may want to adopt in this matter. It is an issue well-worth a serious thought.

If you enjoy the talk in the lockers next time, how bout inviting your young life guard for a couple of beers at the nearby sports bar? No harm done.

Good Luck... Young dudes rule!
KD

hairylegs · #3 11th February 2005, 12:31 PM

I say keep the lines of communication (wide) open. If he is just shooting the breeze, be polite, it never hurts. If he wants to start shooting something else, you don't want to be running in the opposite direction. So how about a few minutes in the sauna? I find sitting on a towel, one foot on the floor, the other leg flexed with my foot on the bench leaves very little to the imagination. If he continues to babble about football, keep chatting (and dreaming). If he suddenly gets a bit of an itch between his legs, he will take the next move.

Keep us posted!

agoodfellow6 · #4 11th February 2005, 05:23 PM

A similar thing happened to me when I was in Springfield Illinois about five years ago. I'm innocently killing time at a Barnes and Noble, looking (you won't believe this) at some theology books. I'm in a stuffed chair with a coffee table in front of me. This doll comes and sits across from me. He's paging through a book. I can't believe his looks. He must be all of 20 or 21 and here I am, this old fart in his fifties. Suddenly he ups and leaves without making eye contact. So after a few minutes I stroll out. Guess who's waiting for me outside the store, a hot, skip and a jump where my covention motel is located.? And, as they say, the rest is history. . .

GASlick · #5 11th February 2005, 08:59 PM

Hey sam....I have younger guys hit me up several times a year. Most have been at the gym but others in cruisy spots. One was in a tea room!.. I agree with the others. Pay attention to the other signs. the talk might just be a cover to check you out!

samgone · #6 18th February 2005, 03:52 PM

I feel like a fool.

After watching this young man in interaction with several other people this AM (at my swim class), I realized he is a talker--you know, one of those people who just talks to talk. His lcoker room banter with me last week was exactly just that.

Good thing I didn't make a move.

ScruffyCub · #7 18th February 2005, 04:54 PM

Come on now, Sam. Don't feel like a fool!

This is part of life as a gay man. Hell, it's part of life for ALL people, gay or straight, male or female. It's just that us gay guys are often "undercover," so to speak. We're on the lookout for "our own kind" quite a bit -- so sometimes we get a bit too hopeful a bit too soon. It's no big deal.

Dude, you may not believe me but I was going to post here when you first asked the question and state that I thought the guy in question was probably just chatting you up. But everyone else seemed to think that there was something more to it. I decided to shut up about it and just let events take their course.

But I am ALWAYS dubious about these sorts of things. Thought I have a very optimistic outlook on life, I often tend to expect LESS and then I usually find I am happy and surprised to find out I've gotten MORE than I bargained for.

The thing is, Sam... there still remains some doubt. I am aware that his actions in front of you mimicked his actions in front of others, but... you still don't know he isn't interested, do you?

Look, I've met lots of gay dudes who are TALKERS, too. They'll chat up EVERYONE. But they also want to screw some of those guys. And some they do not. But still they will talk to anyone at all.

So you never know. I do think this situation requires a lot of finesse, though. My advice: continue to be friendly to the guy and just see where it goes. If nothing happens, so be it. If he's interested, he'll steer the conversation toward more questionable topics when the two of you are alone sometime. You can also do the same, guiding the discussion gently near subtle areas and slyly checking his reactions. A fish nibbling at the hook, if you will. You'll feel the tugging. If the tugging stops, you need to bait the hook again or try a new fishing spot: that one has escaped. If the tugging gets a little stronger, play out some line and consider when is the best opportunity to reel him in!

And finally... if I'm reading between the lines correctly... you are concerned about age, etc. Don't worry, dude. All kinds like all kinds. I get hit on by teens, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties... well, I'll stop there because anything over that is a bit too close to Daddy's age for me. Attitude and confidence FAR outweigh youth -- at least for some of us.

Good luck.