I'm 35, straight and happily married. I'm masculine and dominant with my wife, and we have great sex. But, for a long time I have had fantasies about men. I want to experience the other side and submit sexually to a hot man, and have this secret sex life while normal straight life goes on.

I've never acted on this over the years, and now I feel like I need to try this and I have been setting up profiles on a lot of sites. I want to find one regular buddy that wants to use me as his personal dick pleaser. I want to at least give head and swallow a load. I'd also love to get fucked.

Anybody have any advice for me? Am I crazy for wanting to try this? How can I find a hot guy? I've talked to a lot of guys online but they always flake or tell me they don't want to mess with a married guy.

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You are not crazy - a lot of guys are curious about gay sex - your curiosity just keeps getting stronger.

Just remember if you do decide to try it - always play safe -

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Just make sure you play safe.....you do not want to give anything to your wife! Have you checked out adult book stores in your area?

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I have always thought of Gay to Straight as a scale - and we all fall somewhere on it - most of us not at either end of the scale.

Probably as gay sex has become more accepted in society you are more comfortable admitting to yourself that you wonder what it would be like...

You will probably continue to wonder...

If you do act just remember you have a wife and an good marriage - I don't think think experimenting is the end of your marriage - there are lots of guys that realize they need both - but make sure to keep her in mind - always be safe - get to know the guy though chat a bit and when you first meet make sure it is in public. And don't go to overboard on the hookup sites - unless you are 25 with a gym body it does not happen instantly.

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Fantasies are one thing, we all have them, whether gay or str8. And in no way am I a critic. If sex with men is something you'd like to try at least once, then go to an adult bookstore where other cruise other men, or try a bathhouse. Check out the vibe, atmosphere, the men. Perhaps just going to a cruisey gay venue will be enough to quench your thirst, or maybe you'd like to go further. In any case, you'll learn what you're ready for. Maybe, once you get that itch scratched, that'll be enough.

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Well you say that you are happily married and that you have a great sex life with your wife. So, if I were you, I would NEVER cheat on her just for those reasons alone. Also keep in mind that you will be breaking your marriage vows that you made to your wife in a church and there is no going back from that once you do it for the first time.

However, this is your life and if you decide to cheat on your wife that is your decision. But I will at least attempt to give you some links which will show you what is extremely unsafe to do when having both oral and anal sex with another man. Not only the first time, but also for every time after that too.

Is It Dangerous or Painful to Have Anal Sex?

HPV Linked to Throat Cancer

How to Perform Safer Oral Sex - Precautions

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I was looking at this discussion and started wondering "What Would Dan Savage Say?" Many of you may know him as an advice columnist for The Stranger in Seattle, syndicated nationwide, with podcasts, public appearances, an outspoken gay advocate, and a leader behind the "It Gets Better" campaign to help and encourage LGBT youth.

Anyhow, Dan is very sex-positive (e.g., in favor of sex) and is sought out for advice by all sorts of people whether they are coupled or single, gay, straight, bi, trans, or however they identify.

So I Googled for what he might have said on the subject and found these. Note that Savage is concerned about the ethical context of the commitment to your wife and whether your are in fact a monogamous couple (many are not) and whether you are being honest with yourself and with her:

Savage Love - Cheating Pieces - Columns - The Stranger
Savage Love - Head Fake - Columns - The Stranger

As I interpret his advice, it would be OK to have sex with men but you need to be safe. In this context, you're not only dealing with your own health but also your wife's.

In addition, Dan would probably suggest that you talk with your wife and be honest about your needs. I know that's hard for those in a traditional straight marriage. Perhaps that would lead to a situation where you could include your fantasies in your shared fantasies and sex life. Or perhaps she would give you permission to play with a man (stranger things happen every day). Or perhaps she would react negatively to the entire idea and it could lead to heartache.

Maybe it's presumptuous for me as a gay man in an open relationship and not married to advise you. On the other hand, you're asking what to do and as Editor of this site I see all sorts of situations. In my own life, my father had an acknowledged ongoing relationship with a woman who was not his wife (i.e., he lived part-time with my mother and part-time with his girlfriend). She was the widow of his best friend. It was "all very European," as we used to say in those days long ago. They stopped seeing each other much later when my father was elderly and had dementia, but his girlfriend came to his funeral. My point is that there's many ways to arrange your life, but you'll probably feel better and be able to live with your decisions if you can find a way, however difficult, to be open about them with the people who matter most in your life.

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A guy has got to do what he has got to do.

Being safe is simply a common sense requirement.

Now, being married will attract some guys, and will cause rejection with the others. Honesty is the best policy here, in my books, that is.

Men have had extramarital relationships since the beginning of the marriage as an institution. A guy will never be able to give you what your wife gives you, and your wife will never be able to give you what a guy can give you. That is the reason why a few married guys pair up with other, often married guys, and have their thing going.

A good question here is: would you be hurt if your wife had a lesbian friend?

KD

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It is funny but I know some married guys who take the attitude that they would never cheat on their wife with another woman - but with a guy they don't consider it cheating.

It is sex - but since it is not at all romantic they feel it is fair game.

Now that is all just mind games and how you interpret things to justify your actions - but you would be amazed at how many married guys do fool around with other guys on the side....

Not saying it is right - not saying it is wrong - that is up to each individual to determine....

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I do not see myself as anyone's moral guardian. If a dude has a commitment, and he wants to cheat on his partner, that is purely between him and his partner.

A few guys say that they do not wish to be instrumental in cheating. Well, more power to them. A dude who wants to have an affair on the side will have it with me or without me. My rejection won't stop him.

I understand the guys who do not wish to complicate their lives by getting hooked up with someone who is in a committed relationship because they rightly fear that they will be always the ones who would be put on the back burner. I also understand the guys who are planning to live in an LTR, and see a commitment as a huge impediment to their plans.

But, the moral side of the issue is simply not for me to worry about.

KD

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there's lots to consider as many have written on this subject. no matter what your decision is you will have to live with the consequences. we're all adults and are responsible for your lives. i've had sex with married men and didn't worry about it except that i didn't wanna give a guy an std to bring home to his wife or girlfriend. one last thought. if you love your wife, cheating will change things in ways you haven't considered, and then maybe not.

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I'd go for it, it can be hot and you can always stop if you don't like or are freaking out.

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